To find rich friend’s problems a yawn

Yep, I have a friend whose rich family bought her a house in an exclusive area in cash and are paying for her to refurb it. . Shes using the sale money from her current home to do up the new one before she moves in. Shes constantly complaining about how expensive it is to renovate and how annoying it is that it will use up all her house sale money and they will have none left. He family bought the current house too so it's all family money. It's the naivety that gets me... no idea how much you'd actually need to earn to have nearly £1m in property assets. The family has rentals that they air b n b and the kids all get money from them. No need to work either. Says stupid things like ' just buy a few flats and let them out' if I say I'm short on cash. Like, where can I magically get a deposit for a rental property!

I do admit I'm jelous but also it's just completely clueless! Her family have bought them a house, paid for all the renovations (it's not even that bad at th moment) , she doesn't work and all she needs to do is pick kitchen, bathroom etc. Her builder is also her uncle so mates rates on that too!

In part yes… but is the rich friend in this scenario being much of a friend is she is so insensitive? I don’t sit talking about money and extension projects with friends other than to maybe ask if they’d share who did their windows etc. We talk about the kids, partners, aging relatives, bitch about the hosepipe ban and concern for our camellias, have a laugh about something in the news, discuss whether we should look into laser eye treatment as we’re feeling so flipping old, and look up adult ed courses.

It sounds - I may be wrong - as though recently this particular topic has dominated OP’s interactions with her friend. But, yes, if they are real friends, it may be time to say ‘Lavinia, I get your pique, I do - but as one of the many millions of people who will never be able to afford a £2.5m house let alone consider the reno work on it, I can’t really add to this topic. So, how are the kids?’

With friends like you...

I know a person like this. When he starts his moan, I listen for a bit, and then say “oh dear, these are the problems of affluence.” Takes the wind out of his sails.

As a pp has so succinctly put it, her behaviour was vulgar, insensitive and crass.

But then it's not a friendship really if you can't be honest. I don't get the feeling here that the friend was flaunting, just having a chat. OP is of course entitled to her reaction but I think it's even worse putting it on here where her friend could easily read it.

Jealousy is never a good look,

I know plenty of well off friends who moan constantly about money and how much the government wants to take off them. I agree it’s dull and crass.

Agree. I’m fortunate enough to be one of those rich friends - I think it’s vulgar, insensitive and crass to bewail money issues [or rather dilemmas] with friends you know have less and are struggling to work out, for instance, how to help DC at uni, find money for carers for their parents, or who are worried about job security.

Save that chat for your life partner or to bounce off friends in similar shoes if you are looking for suggestions and work arounds.

It’s a bit of a ‘my diamond shoes are too tight’ scenario though isn’t it? I am a caring friend but I’d feel a bit hard pushed to feel genuine sympathy. That’s not jealousy, I’ve never seen a £3million house I’d want to live in, they're too big and uncosy for my taste.

I hope she doesn't come on here and read this OP. You could have just had an honest conversation with her if you are such good friends? She isn't flaunting wealth either, she's telling you that although they've bought an expensive house, she's frustrated she doesn't have the money to renovate straight away. She's allowed to feel like that. She might have other things going on that you don't know about because she'll tell you and you'll come on here to blab!

I agree, same as people describing how skint they are and send their three DC to private school.

It’s not really the “rich person problems” element. It’s the complaint about a choice she directly made presumably quite reasonably. It’s a bit like buying a Ferrari and moaning that the insurance is expensive.

I’d also be thinking to myself this is such a first world problem and I think I’d have to change the subject.

YANBU. I found it hard to sympathise with my friend who bought a massive house (only affordable because of a 6-figure gift from a parent), then moaned about having to spend 'so much money' modernising it when the aforementioned parent was paying for most of the renovations anyway.

It's a bit tone deaf of her I suppose. Though she may not really realise as it's easy when you're income rises to get used to it being your "normal" and you still have worries, but they are different ones.

It is a bit "oh no my diamond shoes are too tight". I can remember my wealthy PIL after the Northern Rock thing moaning about the hassle of having to open extra bank accounts because balances over 80k weren't protected. I rolled my eyes at that but then reminded myself that they were struggling with health problems and one of their adult children had died age 40, so having money really doesn’t mean you must be blissfully happy.

Plus she may be trying to humble herself to you a bit rather than showing off.

We can be good friends with someone without having to indulge all their unreasonable complaints so I think some of the comments are being unfair. If this was one of my friends I would be playing a tiny violin for them.

I agree. It's all comparative. I used to live in a tiny house, but now live in a slightly bigger one. I am very careful with friends who live in tiny houses that I don't complain about problems they would like to have. Eg "Oh, it's so expensive furnishing a bigger house!" True, but massively insensitive.

I have very wealthy friends, certainly much wealthier than me, I listen to them and don’t judge them for having more financially than me.
Calling her crass suggests you may want to consider your friendship with her, rather than calling her out on here.
What do you actually expect to achieve?

Your point that she could have bought a cheaper house and therefore this gap to save up is a choice, is a reasonable one to make to a good friend.

I expect she was trying to show humility too. Acknowledging extravagant house purchase but stating they have stretched themselves.

Are you only allowed to vent to friends if they have less problems than you? Not how it works in my world.

The crass bit was telling you what her house cost.