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AIBU?

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Original poster

I get that a&e is busy, but was not expecting to be spoken to so rudely

833 replies

mitsicar · 05/08/2026 23:21

Went to a&e tonight. I have a foreign object stuck in my ear. I did not know it was in there until someone looked last night before I left my house and said i should get it looked at. Wasn't able to go to a&e today as my son had his own medical appointment in another city that I have waited months for and we were in a hotel for last night. There was no way I was cancelling it for my own ailment.

The pain has got significantly worse. Have shooting pains into my jaw and cheek bone and my ear is making clicking noises. This is since about lunch time today. Went to a&e this evening and the triage nurse asked me how long it had been in my ear. I said I suspect a few weeks, but I thought I just had an earache and it went away after a while so thought it was gone. Got some new foam ear plugs last week (which obviously pushed the foreign body in further!) and am now suffering for it. I hadn't finished when she cut me off and said 'well I don't really understand why you have picked this evening to come to a&e' and told me I would be better off going to my GP. I am in some pain but ended up leaving because she just made me feel like I had done an awful thing by heading straight after my son's appointment. I spoke to 111 earlier in the day and they told me to go to a&e asap because I could risk my hearing and that whilst it isn't life threatening, it is both an accident and an emergency. I asked if I could wait until morning and they said no. This was the 111 dr not the triage staff. I have no idea if this is the correct advice.

AIBU to think I didn't do anything wrong? I told her a medical professional has looked at it (a friend of mine who is a dr of 30 years) and said it needs ent because of how far in it is and she actually rolled her eyes at me and said I should see an actual GP (I suspect by that she meant my own GP?) and that a&e were sending everyone to minor injuries and that cases like mine are the reason she now has a 6 hour waiting list.

Is this normal for a&e now? Is it so awful working there that being rude has just become the norm or do most people have a better bedside manner? I haven't been to a&e since I was a child and was really shocked by the way I was spoken to, after being advised to go there by 111 and a trusted friend who is a medical doctor (GP).

To add, she didn't look in my ear.

Would you have done anything different? Am I missing something?

OP posts:
Scamworried · 08/08/2026 20:31

VivIsBlonde · 08/08/2026 19:53

🤣🤣
im nearly deaf already!
it was the end of my hearing aid that was in my ear
🤣

Show quote history

I'm deaf too but I still would prefer to avoid additional damage and the pain of perforation (I have had this happen a few times and it is agony - not to mention the surgery which is also not pleasant)

Additionally, perforated ear drums and hearing aids are not an effective mix

DurinsBane · 09/08/2026 08:12

GentlePanda · 06/08/2026 16:17

Not and accident or an emergency. You should have phoned 111 and taken advice from them. Probably have been sent to a walk in centre.

Have you read the OPs posts? She called 111, who told her to go to A&E. Her local Minor injuries/walk in centre is in the same place as A&E, and the receptionist who does both sent her to the MIU

DurinsBane · 09/08/2026 08:13

mitsicar · 06/08/2026 20:41

Thanks all. I have a pretty stressful job and manage to be polite to people much worse than me almost every day of the week!

Did they get it out ok?

LiveTheDream8998 · 09/08/2026 09:30

OnlyUsername · 08/08/2026 14:23

The nurse shouldn't have spoken to OP the way that they did, but let's just think about what else may have come through the doors that evening for the nurse to rant in the way she did.
If someone comes in complaining of earache when you've just dealt with a trauma you may rant a little.

No, you may not. It is unprofessional, unhelpful and means you are in the wrong job.

Show quote history

I'm not agreeing that the HVP acted correctly. But I am saying I can forgive them for it 😊

And the reason I can do this is that if I was ill and someone was telling me it wasn't too bad, I'd be telling them how bad it is - and maybe that's what this person needed to do too.

The nurse is a professional, and nobody knows what kind of day she's just had, what came in just 5 minutes before and absolutely nobody acts correctly 100% of the time.

It's not a nice experience for OP to have felt they should leave, but this is where it would have all worked out differently with a simple:

"I understand that going to my GP would have made more sense if it was just a little earache but I can I please highlight the following? I believe there to be a foreign body in my ear and my jaw hurts. I'm worried there's infection."

I did something similar at Christmas. "I understand you think I should be in urgent care but actually this has happened before and I fear it could turn to sepsis." And it's a good job I did speak up. I wasn't upset with the person for thinking otherwise. You just move on from it.

Happysummerrain · 10/08/2026 00:21

MrsMcGarry · 06/08/2026 19:36

SHE WAS IN MINOR INJURIES

(have you cashed the cheque yet)

Show quote history

Ironic that this post is about rudeness and that my reply wasn’t but yours was.

OnlyUsername · 10/08/2026 11:00

LiveTheDream8998 · 09/08/2026 09:30

I'm not agreeing that the HVP acted correctly. But I am saying I can forgive them for it 😊

And the reason I can do this is that if I was ill and someone was telling me it wasn't too bad, I'd be telling them how bad it is - and maybe that's what this person needed to do too.

The nurse is a professional, and nobody knows what kind of day she's just had, what came in just 5 minutes before and absolutely nobody acts correctly 100% of the time.

It's not a nice experience for OP to have felt they should leave, but this is where it would have all worked out differently with a simple:

"I understand that going to my GP would have made more sense if it was just a little earache but I can I please highlight the following? I believe there to be a foreign body in my ear and my jaw hurts. I'm worried there's infection."

I did something similar at Christmas. "I understand you think I should be in urgent care but actually this has happened before and I fear it could turn to sepsis." And it's a good job I did speak up. I wasn't upset with the person for thinking otherwise. You just move on from it.

Show quote history

Isn't it interesting that if a waitress has a rude, verbally abusive table and then takes it out on the next one that arrives she'd be delivering awful customer service and everyone would say the second table should complain, but an NHS receptionist or triage nurse gets a pass.

I work on reception for a private business in a stressful environment and would never huff, eye roll and talk down to people like they do in walk-in healthcare locations.

LathkillDale · 10/08/2026 14:19

LiveTheDream8998 · 09/08/2026 09:30

I'm not agreeing that the HVP acted correctly. But I am saying I can forgive them for it 😊

And the reason I can do this is that if I was ill and someone was telling me it wasn't too bad, I'd be telling them how bad it is - and maybe that's what this person needed to do too.

The nurse is a professional, and nobody knows what kind of day she's just had, what came in just 5 minutes before and absolutely nobody acts correctly 100% of the time.

It's not a nice experience for OP to have felt they should leave, but this is where it would have all worked out differently with a simple:

"I understand that going to my GP would have made more sense if it was just a little earache but I can I please highlight the following? I believe there to be a foreign body in my ear and my jaw hurts. I'm worried there's infection."

I did something similar at Christmas. "I understand you think I should be in urgent care but actually this has happened before and I fear it could turn to sepsis." And it's a good job I did speak up. I wasn't upset with the person for thinking otherwise. You just move on from it.

Show quote history

The problem is though, if someone is more ill than they realise, and they are the sort of person, who takes what people in authority tell them at face value.

Say for example, they have appendicitis or type 1 diabetes out of control, and don’t realise. They get told to go home - where they could die?

I remember during Covid, a nurse at a hospital, asked to go home during a shift as he didn’t feel well. His superiors said no. He went home after his shift and died from Covid.

Staffygirl · 13/08/2026 16:04

@mitsicar just wondering how you're doing? Any better?

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