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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mum’s friend called me to lecture me, shame me and tell me off? And telling me what to do?

103 replies

Meganandbaby · 05/08/2026 19:05

to think my mum’s acquaintance seriously overstepped boundaries?

This woman is not a close friend of my mums. She is someone my mom sees for coffee couple times a year and/or chats to on phone once every 5 months. (or more like she talks for hours while my mum listens and never lets mum get a word in)

I saw this woman maybe 6 times in my life.

This is a family matter. About health/medical decisions/finances. a decision was made.

She overheard this topic from my brother who was on the phone, and twice I saw her asked me questions, have we considered X? and said you know if we made different decision and did X then we’d have X. saying it would be better for us.

As if kindly offering advice/suggestion.

I know I should have told her its private, but I just didn’t say anything/replied something vague like “we have other plans”, “we are not planning to do that” and changed topic. hoping she’ll get the hint I don’t want to discuss this.

(I later found out she bothered other relatives including my mum more often about this too)

plus she’s older, i thought she meant well and I didn’t want to be rude.

One night I saw her she began nodding her head disapprovingly. Then says “nope, nope, nope. You know what, it’s none of my business” and walked out the door. Before I had a chance to say anything.

then, she suddenly calls on video chat out of nowhere and begins telling me off and shaming me, as if i am her 5 year old child.

I honestly felt like a toddler being told off.

using these sentences:

“You refuse to listen to me!” (wtf!)

”why do I waste my time with you, you refuse to listen anyway”

“Look at you, living like this!”

“You like living like this don’t you!”

“I told you already, do this!”

“Your poor mother”!

”I keep telling you and you refuse to listen!”

”have you no shame!”

She then began telling me what I should do with my money/savings.

“I told you already, Get rid of them!” “Move them there”

Pointing finger at me.

I was just so shocked I didn’t say a word, her face freaked me out too. She’s always overly sweet smiling with overtly sweet voice when I see her

but her face and voice was all angry and aggressive.

literally no exaggeration like pic posted.

I froze up and listened to her rant at me for like 5 minutes, then said I have to go. Now I’m just sitting here confused

I know it’s my fault for not telling her it’s private business before, but surely that’s something you don’t call someone who is not even a close friend and tell them what to do and tell them off?

I’m also confused why she’s so invested in this

Mum’s friend called me to lecture me, shame me and tell me off? And telling me what to do?
Mum’s friend called me to lecture me, shame me and tell me off? And telling me what to do?
OP posts:
Kimmers4334 · 05/08/2026 19:40

Is it something that triggered her, like an illness one of her family members passed away from? I would block and avoid. If your mum doesn’t really like her then why are you all spending any time together? Surely the friendship is over after this!

Dependsoncontext · 05/08/2026 19:38

Always be wary of people who are too sweet. Absolutely none of her business at all - whatever it is.

chocoluv · 05/08/2026 19:35

She completely overstepped the mark obviously but I know I can sometimes get frustrated when my sister refuses to have a smear test because it’s ‘gross’ (she’s a grown woman).

I’m guessing you’re not taking medical advice or something so her rants are ‘out of concern’, however it’s still not acceptable.

Do not answer again and if you accidentally bump into her, just stand firm and say you don’t want to talk about it right now.

It’s none of her business.

AFigureWalks · 05/08/2026 19:34

YABU for not telling her to fuck right off.

godmum56 · 05/08/2026 19:33

OrangeFlower14 · 05/08/2026 19:32

But what is she so angry about

Is it drugs or something?

irrelevant. Block block block

OrangeFlower14 · 05/08/2026 19:32

But what is she so angry about

Is it drugs or something?

Meganandbaby · 05/08/2026 19:26

Sparkletastic · 05/08/2026 19:23

I don’t really understand what you are saying? How is this person overhearing conversations about private matters? Do you live with your mum? A bit more context might help.

She was at my mums house. It was like a dinner/barbie q party. She went upstairs and I guess overheard my sibling talk about this in another room.

id sometimes see this woman when I’m at my mums house. when my mum has people over

OP posts:
Likeiloveyou · 05/08/2026 19:23

Why didn’t you just hang up and block?

Wingingit73 · 05/08/2026 19:23

Block her. Dont take it to heart. This sounds very much like dementia x

Sparkletastic · 05/08/2026 19:23

I don’t really understand what you are saying? How is this person overhearing conversations about private matters? Do you live with your mum? A bit more context might help.

SevenYellowHammers · 05/08/2026 19:22

Block her! But take some screenshots of her rants in case she finds another way to be vile.

Meganandbaby · 05/08/2026 19:21

whippersnapper55 · 05/08/2026 19:16

Why does this woman, who you say you've seen half a dozen times, have your phone number? Why didn't you just tell her it's none of her business?

I did a favour/helped her out with something once. My mum asked me too. Guess she had my number saved.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 05/08/2026 19:19

My mum’s friend messaged me to tell me what an awful person I was and how I needed to apologise to my mum ‘about the money’. I was like, I’m sorry, what?

I’m NC with my mum. Apparently, I cut her off from her grandchildren when Dh and I took several £100k from her and got angry and spiteful when we couldn’t get more. 🙄

The actual reason that I cut my mum off and she has no contact with my children is because she married a man who is a convicted paedophile who abused his own children. He obviously cannot be around children and with her poor judgement, neither can she. Apparently, she goes around telling this story about how we took money from her. Incidentally, her partner tells the same story about his daughters so that he doesn’t have to say the real reason. I guess families fight about money and inheritance a lot and greedy money grabbing young adults is a trope that resonates with people.

I duly informed the friend of the real reason we have no relationship. She was shocked. I also messaged my mum to tell her to stop telling lies about Dh and I and tell people the real reason if she wants to talk about why she doesn’t have us in her life. She said she ‘never said that’ (I have the email where she did 🙄), but did said that her friend has long COVID and she thinks she’s getting dementia so that would explain why she made that up and contacted me. Apparently, she ‘gets confused’. I forwarded the friend that message so she could see all the mean stuff my mum said about her too. 50 year friendship, I don’t think they are friends anymore after all that. 😂 Serves them right. I never got an apology from either of them though.

whippersnapper55 · 05/08/2026 19:16

Why does this woman, who you say you've seen half a dozen times, have your phone number? Why didn't you just tell her it's none of her business?

AzureLurker · 05/08/2026 19:14

redboxerclub · 05/08/2026 19:08

Well it’s hard to understand what she was saying but no one should speak to any one like that. Block her and ignore

As above, regardless of what it is it clearly isnt her business.

TheBrunswick · 05/08/2026 19:13

She sounds mentally unwell to me.
I would tell her to F off next time she starts.

ChaToilLeam · 05/08/2026 19:13

I don't understand why you didn't hang up on her - were you blindsided? Either way it IS none of her business, don't engage further. It does sound like something might not be quite right with her.

Meganandbaby · 05/08/2026 19:13

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 05/08/2026 19:08

on social media? Why acccept her as a friend? Block away!

No, she has my phone number.

she called me on WhatsApp video

OP posts:
Dunkerquetodover · 05/08/2026 19:12

Is it over an issue she has particular expertise in or experience of? Are you doing anything crazy

Meganandbaby · 05/08/2026 19:12

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 05/08/2026 19:11

She sounds unhinged. Is it cultural? Because some cultures like to interfere and tell others what to do.

Definitely not cultural

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 05/08/2026 19:11

She sounds unhinged. Is it cultural? Because some cultures like to interfere and tell others what to do.

MyOliveStork · 05/08/2026 19:11

How old is she? Could this be dementia? This can cause people to speak out of turn/inappropriately. Have you spoken to your Mum about this?

CamillaMcCauley · 05/08/2026 19:11

She is right that it’s none of her business and you’re right that she’s overstepped but to be honest your post is so vague as to be hard to understand whether she’s pushed herself in because there’s some glaring issue that you’re not addressing and that’s upsetting your mum.

Either way, all you have to do is tell her “Janice, keep out of it” and block her.

Error404FucksNotFound · 05/08/2026 19:09

You should have ended the call when she started

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 05/08/2026 19:08

on social media? Why acccept her as a friend? Block away!