To not tell her parents?

I would be contacting the boy's parents - he snuck into your house and stayed the night?!!! And you have a younger child? The audacity of it is staggering. Who is this guy? He need a big reality check. 16, sneaking into someone's house? It is beyond awful, and that's before we even get to the issue of sex with the under age girl.

My understanding is that police will only follow up on cases of consensual teenage sex if the parents of the girl complain hard enough. It's a risk the boy has chosen to run. Just like sneaking in to your house.

Are you sure he didn't take anything? He sounds so dodgy.

Lucky him!😂

It was an actual tiny bungalow. Shower, little kitchen area with a microwave, sink and fridge, TV etc. It was amazing. His gran did live in it but she became really ill so she got his room, he was offered the annexe to sleep in. He wasnt in there all the time tbf.

Good times. I still see his mum sometimes and yes she she still has the love shack 🤣

Eta - we were both 15

I seem to be in a minority here but I feel sorry for @foreverornever. Of course you don't check on 16 year olds every 10 minutes and it would never occur to me that my child or her friend would betray my trust this way. I'm assuming that it was a set up specifically for them to have sex in the spare room and it is unbelievably discourteous that your home and hospitality was used like this. I would tell the parents the boyfriend was snuck in and you are furious etc but I wouldn't be revealing the whole story.

There are THREE months between them in a few weeks she could legally go and have sex with a 50 year old and no repercussions
But its the 16 year old who has technically broken the law
Thankfully the law is more nuanced than you.

You should also he telling his parents he snuck in so they can have a word with him too.

I would be apoplectic with my daughter. Your poor other child running into an unknown male in the house in the middle of the night. Would your daughter even have confessed this to you if it were not for your younger daughter seeing him in the hallway? I would hit the roof and my daughter would never been allowed friends round ever again. They have all seriously breached your trust. It is utterly disrespectful to you and your house.

Of course you have to tell her parents. It’s a huge safeguarding breach. She’s an underage child who had sexual contact in your house and under your roof with a person who had no authority or permission to be there behind your back.

Also, whether it’s fair or not, this isn’t going to reflect well on you when the parents (and the parents of the other girls present) find out. I would never let my child round your house ever again. I know you say it is hard to supervise teenagers 24/7 but lots of people would find it hard to imagine how someone can have an unknown stranger who has entered and stayed the night in their house whilst supervising a group of children. Even if it was a skilful mastery of deceit to genuinely pull the wool over your eyes, it beggars belief how you have created a culture in your household where your daughter would even consider something as serious as this acceptable. If something as obvious as an unknown person staying the night was undetected, what about more covert things like drugs, alcohol, weapons, extreme internet content etc.?

I’m honestly not piling on. I sympathise. Parenting is tough and you have been put in a terrible position by your daughter and her friends. Teenagers sometimes completely lack perspective on what is a completely inappropriate action but this is a major error that has gone on. You are in loco parentis when hosting a child’s sleepover and you have a duty of care to this child and her parents.

Because your response to this post is fucking bonkers and dramatic. 😂
I mention university as a joke, because of the posters making comments about being badly brought up, morally bankrupt degenerates if you have underage sex.

Im more interested in the layout now😂
Did he have his own cooking facillties
Bathroom etc
How old waa he ?

Wrong. She is a minor and either she or her parents can make a complaint to the police. Why on earth do you think the onus would be on a CHILD to report a criminal offence?

Why on earth is everyone going on about consent and criminal repercussions? Two teens had sex in OPs house, she isn't sure whether to tell parents. There is no suggestions of anything dodgy here just a moral dilemma for OP

I agree with most pp - yes you need an urgent conversation with her parents.
Your daughter (as it was her home and your rules she was ignoring) would be in serious trouble too.
The lot of them have let you down very badly and shown zero respect for you and your home.

Yea.....sigh.......had some great times in that little love shack 😬 Parents absolutely oblivious obvs 😂

Was it like a granny flat?

They are all at fault here not just him he didnt sneak in by his own accord he was let in
And they are responsible for the " shagging "

Put the topic aside (a sensitive one I know) the amount of disrespect towards each other in this thread is shocking. Come on mumsnet!!

I’d be fuming with DD and the other teens, and I would be talking to her parents about the night, though I would give the girl a little time to tell her parents herself.
The most concerning part here for me is the girls sneaking a young lad into your home when younger children were present.

Agree with this, I would be furious.

Thank you for writing ‘sneaked’ and not ‘snuck’. 🙂

Don't tell the parents

Of course OP needs to tell thiz girl's parents. And the parents of the other girls involved. And the parents of the boy because he went into OP's home without the permission of the householder and that is a serious thing
Yeah there definitely should be repercussions for the boy. What an absolute shit sneaking into your family home for the night and then shagging one of the girls in your spare bedroom whilst you, your DH and your children were downstairs. He's a piece of work isn't he.

It would depend, if I knew or had a feeling the parents would hugely overreact then I'm honestly not sure I would.

The girls have got some balls ill give them that. I once snuck into my boyfriends fancy annexe at nearly 15 to stay the night, that felt risky enough and he had his own front door and lock!

Yes I agree with this. Let the parents deal with it. Maybe she will lie to them maybe she won't. But you can't definitively say they did or didn't have sex or used protection or anything else, it's third hand information and not for you to say. What you do know is that this boy snuck in unbeknownst to you and this is the only information you should pass on.

Absolutely this. Be honest, the only reason you are not going to tell the parents is that they are going to be understandably fucking furious with you. You only have the girls word that they used protection and this was only told you as a reason not to tell her parents. Lets face it, its likely they didnt. You need to tell her mum, and soon, in case she needs MAP and/or STI check. I'm mum to a 15 yr old dd that goes to lots of girls sleepovers. If I found out a boy had snuck into the sleepover, had sex with my daughter and the mum knew and never told me, I think I'd want to kill her. You were responsible for that child . Do the right thing, stop being a coward, stop making excuses thst shes not underage, she is, and face up to the situation FFS.

Agree with this completely. Are people supposed to stay up all night to ensure their teens and friends are behaving? They could have waited until 3am and had the same outcome. Teens are sneaky , we've all been that age. I would be annoyed with my own and stop sleepovers until you regain their trust.

In the enormously unlikely event that the police were contacted, deemed it worth their time at all, investigated and put together a file, it even then wouldn't reach the CPS. It doesn't meet the evidential threshold and the friend wouldn't be classified as a "victim" for legal purposes.