AIBU to resent my husband's generosity to his daughter but not mine?

I think not including in the original posts that he pays the full service charge alone is all a game changer. Some of those charges (especially in fancy central London flats!) can be more than most peoples’ mortgage!!!

I don't see how he is tight at all. He just seems to presume that they share their day-to-day but not their preciously acquired wealth or indeed the children that long predate their marriage. And to be honest, I don't see why he should.

The gap here is the father of OP's children, not her current partner. And the disparity in wealth is just a fact of life.

In the husband’s position I’d be wondering wtf you were playing at making that request of me.

You have two good incomes, one of which you keep entirely. You contribute to the bills, but the service charge alone is significantly more than what you pay, and he covers that. He pays for any maintenance on the house. He pays for holidays and your joint social life.

You’ve had ample opportunity to save if you wanted to. He’s seen you haven’t done that. He’s also now seeing that instead of giving up the ‘things’ you spend money on in order to buy your daughter a dress, you’re asking him to cover the cost instead. And now you’re resentful about being told, very reasonably, no.

He’s been very generous with you, and given you a life, a life that you clearly enjoy, you otherwise wouldn’t have had. He’s enabled you to maximize your savings and build your own assets (and I’m sure he would have advised you on how best to do so). You haven’t taken that opportunity, but instead are asking for more from him.

For all the talk about rich people not knowing the value of money, he’s not the financially irresponsible one here. You are.

Yikes - what a shit!

No reason given though!

Pretty self explanatory…

OP daughter’s father isn’t on the scene to provide for his daughter

She pays:
£700 per month

he pays:
the monthly service charge
the home insurance
any repairs
food when they go out
holidays they take

OP has at least £1700 remaining income from the rental of her property plus her salary

he has whatever income he has from investments and his salary

they agreed to separate finances at the start of their relationship. It has only now become a problem because he can give his children monetary gifts towards weddings or whatever and she can’t because she “spends on things”

What does there is no father on the scene mean?
Again like many of the OPs posts vague!

come on OP you could save £1k an month and get your dd a nice dress and not touch your salary. Don’t buy any new clothes. If you have any big events, rent something from selfridges or got to sample sales. Repurpose your holiday wardrobe and just mix it up.

less cabs more tube. It’s very doable.

I think it’s weird for your mums husband to buy your wedding dress anyway. Let him get them a nice gift, and just lock in for 12 months

Bills are 50/50 or the OP’s proportion probably are less than half.

Finding this quite hard to follow but if you have your normal job plus what's left of the rental income each month after bills etc, where is your money going? Is the issue here that you're not budgeting and money is being frittered away and now you have nothing to contribute to the wedding?

It seems like you should have quite decent disposable income each month unless I'm missing something!

To be fair, the first post also says that the OP pays all of the bills which turns out not to be the case. So, possible that the PP thought that the relationship with the father could also be slightly different than originally stated.

I did thanks.

I cant wrap my head around you both earning and bills being paid by another source. What are you spending your money on that you have no savings??

I wonder if it would actually make much difference. She would need to have her rental income as well as wages added to get her. Then the service charge , holidays and everything else he paid even paying a third of that maybe could mean paying more than now

RTWT

What are you spending your income on if all your bills are covered by the rental income? Surely if you want to gift your daughter something for her wedding, you cut back on some luxuries and save for a few months and gift her a few grand.

Wtf!!?? No.....just no. Bills should be 50/50 or actually income relevant. Your property is irrelevant if he is mortgage free.

Yes, she is.

Actually having now read some of the updates (yes I should have RTFT) - @Alnoo you're being unreasonable. Stop spending your money on 'things' if you're that bothered

I don't understand all of the comments about the bills. The rental income being made by renting out her house covers the bills. So the bills are costing neither of them anything - if OP was living in the house it wouldn't be rented out so there would be no rental. That's actually a fair arrangement - it costs neither party to live there.

In respect of finances you have both made the decision to keep them separate. Unless you contributed to his daughter's wedding it's unfair to expect him to contribute to your daughter's. That doesn't mean he shouldn't want to share some of the 'financial love' if he's so inclined, but he obviously isn't. Stinginess is a bit of an ick but I'm assuming you knew what he was like with money when you married him. Youngest was 18 when you got together, so he doesn't have a paternal 'raising the child' relationship with her.

I don't think he's unreasonable to say no. It would give me the ick though

Ah, I see you posted before you’d read the whole opening post, which says ‘I can’t afford to contribute this to my daughter’s wedding and she has no father on the scene to help so they are having to self fund’

Are you mortgage free also?

And what about the father of her DD? Can't he also contribute?
Her post is silent on him.

Well maybe she needs to give up "things" for a year so she can save for a wedding.