AIBU to resent my husband's generosity to his daughter but not mine?

Will you loose your capital gains exemption on your original family home - so your DCs will have less inheritance as it’s not your main home - but your DH will retain his exemption as will his DD heir? Or him if you divorce?

OP hasn’t mentioned who does the cooking and cleaning, so I’m not sure where you got that from.

And they both pay bills.

OP is just at a massive financial advantage as the amount she pays is less than 1/4 of what she gets from her rental property and the rest of the money is hers to do what she pleases with, plus she then has her salary on top which isn’t needed for any bills.

OP does extremely well out of this relationship which she has said several times.

Hmm. Everything is by logic very fair or equal but I am not sure it is equitable or in the spirit of how I perceived marriage. My partner earns 4x more than me ( I am a senior teacher/slt so not badly paid) and all money is shared. Obviously I do better out of this - but is a relationship really so transactional?

I understand OP; your partner understands weddings are expensive and we want to treat the one's we live but has not thought I could help you to show that same love and generosity to your own daughter. My partner would, without thinking, want to contribute - not necessarily for my child but for me.

He is not a bad husband or even in the wrong but ,yeah, OP I get your point - his generosity knows it's bounds and there is something a little sour tasting about that.

OP - Last bit of advice. Your relationship is more likely to be saved by a marriage councillor than an accountant.

I don’t know op. On the one hand he doesn’t really owe your daughter a luxury wedding. On the other hand this doesn’t sound like much of a marriage. Do you even get each others children anything for Christmas? Many couples assume presents are from both the couple but when finances are this clearly segregated nothing is from both of you.

So again. OP is much better off paying utilities and council tax at his plus rental income. Living in central. He cover the majority of all other living costs including holidays and the service which is likely similar to bills.

and half the ladies here are telling you to move back home. Nonsense.

I don’t get why you can’t afford to put something aside for your Dds OP. It’s a bit strange unless you are very very low income

Assuming OP's house is not massively more valuable than her DH's, it's OP getting her cake and eating it (and then asking for extra too).

If their houses would both rent for, say, 1,000 a month and bills are 500, then currently OP has housing and bills covered and 500 in extra income.

If they swapped that over then OP would have housing and bills covered but no extra income and her DH would get 500 extra income.

If they did it without either of them subsidising the other by, for example, both renting their houses out and getting a third place to live in, Then they'd be paying out rent at 1,000 (500 each) a month and bills at 500 (250 each). OP would have 250 a month left and her DH 250 a month. For separate finances, that would be a fair split. OP is currently doing significantly better than fair from her account.

I don’t think the OP should ask for more. The husband will either provide more or he won’t. Both paths are “reasonable”.
What I do think she should do is share her feelings of unhappiness with her husband. He may well take the opportunity to share some of his own. Who knows what the eventual outcome will be but talking openly surely has to be a positive first step.

Why? They were adults when their parents got together. I gained a step-father when I was an adult, I have no idea what money he gave to his children and certainly wouldn't have expected him to treat me equally. He was kind and we got on, that was all that was needed.

But if she lived in her own house she’d have bills without the income? She still hasn’t clarified what the split is - he pays the service fee and council tax, she pays gas and electricity? Something else? But that’s neither here nor there as her daughter’s wedding is nothing to do with him.

He's paying service charges and repairs etc . So she isnt

She isn’t.

That doesn’t mean she should be responsible for all the bills in their marital home though.

Of course OP is benefiting from renting out her property. The rent is paying for her share of the household bills as well as her DH's and she gets the excess after the bills are paid. That's slightly more than her DH is getting from his property which provides shelter to him and OP, but doesn't give him any extra spending money each month.

Well then the very least he can do is pay his own share of the bills for the house they share so that OP can contribute more to her DD’s wedding.

He is paying 10k in services charges for the flat per year, more than OP contributes in bills.

Are the bills larger in his house than your own

She's not paying bills in the house she owns either though so saving on that.

She’s not gaining as much as she should because she’s using her rental income to cover his share of the household bills as well as her own, just for the privilege of living in his house. He wants to have his cake and eat it, and it’s taking the piss.

I'm afraid whatever OP's husband gifted, it would never be enough for Op and her dd, they'd always feel short changed. Best to not go there for the husband.

Sorry OP but that’s not logical at all. You’re not benefiting from renting out your property - he is. And I’d bet the farm that if you had both chosen to live in your property and rent out his, the arrangement would be very different. Of course you can’t rent out both properties but that doesn’t mean you have to cover his share of the bills and expenses - you both still have to live somewhere. Your kids are right - he’s massively taking advantage of you.

I’m gonna ignore the split of bills and whether that’s the right thing or not
Yoive said the bills are less than your rental income, you’ve said you work, you’ve said that he pays a lot when you go out and for holidays. I don’t get what you’re spending you’re money on and why you can’t save up to contribute something to the wedding.
if you want to contribute so bad take some equity out of your mortgage free house

So he got a maid, cook etc moved in AND she pays the bills?!

He has landed on his feet

She's getting more rent than she's paying out though so in profit. So how is she not gaining

But you are not gaining by renting your house out. He is.
If you were living in your house you would have bills to cover. You still have bills to cover. He has none.
I hope you are putting aside money from the income for tax, a sinking fund for repairs and a fund to cover voids between tenancies. Else you are subbing him even more.