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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find my ex's overnight contact arrangement frustrating?

9 replies

Iloveegyptt · 05/08/2026 14:01

So I feel this arrangement is completely pointless and purely just to have extra night stays. My ex has our children every other weekend and every other Monday, however he refuses to collect them in the morning of his day and collects them at 5pm on a Monday evening and drops them off first thing Tuesday morning, I know he not legally obligated to do this but it’s so annoying that he doesn’t want more time with them!

OP posts:
Dearg · 05/08/2026 14:04

Does he pay less maintenance because of the overnight? Either it benefits him in some way, or he is messing with you.

You are not being unreasonable, and I am sorry that he does not seem to care about his children. I have no idea what you do about it though.

DilemmaDelilah · 05/08/2026 16:14

So - does that mean he just had them on Saturday night one week and Monday night the other week? Or does he have them on Saturday and Sunday nights, bring them back to you on Monday and pick them up again on Monday evening?

Either way I can understand why it is frustrating, but if he works on a Monday it is understandable, surely? Obviously not great if you also work on Monday but he won't be thinking of it from your point of view.

Snorlaxo · 05/08/2026 16:18

The Monday night thing is to reduce maintenance and not pay childcare if 5pm is because of work. He should ideally pick up after school/nursery (if they are young) and drop off at school/nursery the next day.

It is sad that he doesn’t want them round more. Is he one of those men with a time consuming hobby that involves the pub afterwards?

Original poster
Iloveegyptt · 05/08/2026 16:39

Dearg · 05/08/2026 14:04

Does he pay less maintenance because of the overnight? Either it benefits him in some way, or he is messing with you.

You are not being unreasonable, and I am sorry that he does not seem to care about his children. I have no idea what you do about it though.

yes he does pay less for the overnight and I think it is absolutely ridiculous when all he does is pick them up and put them to bed etc.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/08/2026 16:41

I would say you’re not doing that any more! The Monday night is ridiculous- doesn’t benefit anyone except his pocket.

Original poster
Iloveegyptt · 05/08/2026 17:56

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/08/2026 16:41

I would say you’re not doing that any more! The Monday night is ridiculous- doesn’t benefit anyone except his pocket.

I can’t really do that can I? He holds all the cards and it’s not fair.

Friday he said he would be there at 16:00. He turned up at 17:30. I can’t do anything about it.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 05/08/2026 18:03

You can do something about it.

You can ask for mediation or get contact court ordered.

Get it court ordered from Friday at X time until Monday at X time for those weekends he has the Monday too.

Probably not much you can do about him being late as the stupid system is you have to make them available for court ordered contact - the NRP doesn’t actually have to turn up.

Original poster
Iloveegyptt · 05/08/2026 18:05

itsgettingweird · 05/08/2026 18:03

You can do something about it.

You can ask for mediation or get contact court ordered.

Get it court ordered from Friday at X time until Monday at X time for those weekends he has the Monday too.

Probably not much you can do about him being late as the stupid system is you have to make them available for court ordered contact - the NRP doesn’t actually have to turn up.

How do I even start this process?

OP posts:
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