Anyone end up regretting being 1 & done?

A sibling does not mean having family that is there for her. Sadly, I know too many examples where they don't talk to each other and actually cause more stress and heartache than if they had no brother or sister.

Not an ounce of regret. One and done. Dd is now nearly 18 and our life is fabulous.

Thanks for the reply. This is really lovely to hear. I think we are just conditioned to automatically think we should have multiple children and questioning it feels almost taboo but stories like this really sway me towards one.

It may be selfish wanting an easier life all round but I guess happier parents help create a happier child.

I have an honestly delightful almost 3yo - even if he turns terrible we've had an incredibly easy time of it and almost deserve a hard time at some point.

If I see a newborn I am just struck how utterly boring they are - my son is hilarious, he makes me laugh every day.

My family has a strong twin-gene, which is more likely as I get older. And there's some ND risks increasing with my husband's age.

Weirdly I think I'd be most likely to have another child if my husband died. His work life assurance is so generous that with the big payout and his pension added to mine, I wouldn't have to work much and could afford generous support as well as being mortgage free, and I'd be using donor sperm of a younger man.

I have three best friends from my antenatal class all sticking at one, and the kids have a riot together, and we do babysitting for each other and joint holidays - but only have to take one home.

I have a toddler after many years of IVF and the pain that comes with that. I’m 40 now and I would love a second child, but the doctors have told me realistically it’s very unlikely and I’m trying to make my peace with it. I feel so unbelievably guilty that she will have no siblings, she won’t have any cousins either. It terrifies me what her family could reduce to when she’s older. She could have no one. I don’t think a day goes by where I don’t get upset about it. Of course I’m forever grateful for my daughter, she is the light of my life, but I dread her asking for a sibling down the line.

I reasonate with lots of your points. I did have ivf to have my dd, and it has been the only time I’ve been pregnant and I’ve not used contraception for 20 years (dd is 15). Easy pregnancy, ok birth, easy baby and she has continued to be an easy child and teen. I felt like I’d hit the jackpot and didn’t want to spoil it. Until she was 8 we lived in a different country from my family so travelling alone with dd (from when she was a few months) was very easy (we did it mostly monthly). I couldn’t have done it with 2. Dh worked long hours at that time.
I still don’t regret it, even moreso when I look at the world and how hard it’s going to be for young people to get jobs and get on the housing ladder. We’ve been able to save for dd since she was a baby so we’re very lucky that we’ll be able to support her.
we now live near my family and she’s quite a few cousins. She also has lots of friends and is always out and about. Now she’s 15, we enjoy binging watching more mature series and I just love our conversations and the time we spend together.

Following in curiosity.

I always thought I wanted multiple children however now my baby is here I’ve seriously questioned if that’s still true.

My situation is actually a bit different to yours as I had a perfectly normal pregnancy, birth and early few months and my husband is amazingly supportive etc however I am just now thinking if more than one child would “spoil” how easy life seems to be for us.

My mental heath hasn’t suffered thankfully, however it may the second time round as already having one child makes the early days a lot harder as your attention is split.

I also think how much less stressful life would be with just one child with regards to not having to move to a bigger house, get a bigger car, paying for life in general for two kids etc.

But then I suddenly feel guilty for wanting the “easy” way out and not giving my baby a sibling. I too am one of four and come from a large family and I feel bad for taking the sibling relationship away from him. I know people say siblings liking each other is never guaranteed but that’s less likely to happen than them being close.

Another point I think of is that life been incredibly blessed with a healthy baby and I may not be as lucky second time round.

It’s all food for thought and there’s no right answer.

Honestly, I gave birth to the tasmanian devil and life was incredibly intense for those first few years.

I'm someone who is always regretful and looking back at things!!! So I knew my personality and knew that I would find it harder to live with a regret of one child than having another one.

I also reasoned that my life was already on fire and adding another flame wouldn't make much more difference.

This turned out to be true! It wasn't any harder because it was already extremely hard!

I would just look at the bigger picture and listen to your intuition. Maybe you are done, maybe you're not, only you know really.

My daughter was a terrible sleeper, but she was my last so I just did what worked.
She slept on a single bed mattress beside our bed and it made a huge difference to how our days were.
If you’re not having any more I would try to enjoy him rather than endure him.

I feel a touch of sadness here and there that I don’t feel capable (physically or mentally) of dealing with everything that would come with having two children. But I don’t regret having one, as I know this is the right decision for our family.

I find it overwhelming quite often just with one child, even with the support of her brilliant, hands-on dad. If we had a second I know our daughter would be impacted pretty negatively by having two parents with even less time and money, and significantly more stress! I wouldn’t want us to have to stretch our resources to cover two children and I like that we can focus on our daughter’s wellbeing/giving her the best that we can.

There is the chance she may feel she missed out on that sibling relationship when she’s older and question why we didn’t have more, so I can only explain our reasoning when she’s old enough. Also, I’ve seen enough stories on here to know it’s not quite as simplistic as “give your child a sibling and they’ll be best friends for life!” and wonder why that is trotted out so much!

Nope I've never regretted it and never will. I don't need to have children to look after me in old age (which is what is often suggested a child needs a sibling for on mumsnet) and I love our family of 3. We will also be able to give her much more support through her life, which nowadays feels important.

An analogy i came up with as someone with 2 sets of 2 kids a decade apart.

You know how fat you thought you were when you were a teenager and you would give your right arm to being that fat again? When you now realise that you weren't fat.

That's tiredness and having time with 1 child. People go i thought i was tired or busy with 1, and then i had 2. So when they only have one child on their own they feel like they have none.

I don't regret my 4. Or starting again. I got to experience all the good bits again. But I'm spinning far too many plates. I'm exhausted. I look tired and I'm skint ha! So I can fully understand why people stick with 1 (or none)

I was responding to the poster who said my reply about having two close in age to reduce the stress of newborn/ toddler chaos and over-tiredness as my workaround from being one and done was unhelpful to the OP. Something has gone array with the quote. Apologies.

I’m saying that had I not done it when I did, I too would be one and done for almost exactly her reasoning and so I completely understand her mindset.

I never thought about having babies or toddlers. These are phases. I wanted people in my family, so I had a second. I would have liked a third but didn't have the money, help, decent husband for that so I didn't. I hated the baby phase but for me it's just something you have to go through.

No one can reassure you whether you’ll regret it or not because everyone’s personality, circumstances and experience are different.
One thing I would keep in mind is that your little one won’t always be having tantrums. Their behaviour changes so much as they grow, and things really do get easier.
I have three kids (2, 4 and 6), and I’ll be honest—there were a couple of months when I really questioned having a third because the tantrums were so intense. But for the past four months she’s become so much calmer, and I’m genuinely so happy we have three.
Parenting seems to come in waves. There are really hard times and much easier ones, and it’s easy to make permanent decisions based on a particularly difficult phase. Things change more quickly than they often feel in the moment.

Thing is it can’t get any worse right? You can’t get any more tired and in fact when you have another child the first just can’t get away with the same things. I found the second child diversified our life rather than limited, and the first three years are so short and go by so fast which you only realise when you turn around and the youngest seems to be able to read.

I would have loved another but it didn't happen. I had a miscarriage and I just couldn't face it happening again. Turns out it was probably for the best as DH is on Sodium Valporate. DS has autism - is pretty high functioning. DH started the SV about 2 weeks before DS was conceived and there is now evidence to show this can cause neurological defects. If we had had another child they could have been considerably neurologically challenged. I don't know how we'd have coped. So one and done it is

My advice is to seee how you feel when your DC is 4. You might feel more like it then or you might feel hell no! I think a 5 year gap can be brilliant.

I am doing the same about a third child- waiting until DC2 is at least 2, maybe 3! (Would be much longer if I was younger).

I found the first 5 years so hard after a shit birth, PND and doing a lot of it on my own as barely any family help. Mine was also a handful with ages 2.5 - 4 being particularly horrendous.

I contemplated another briefly when he was about 5 and things got a bit easier but quickly decided I couldn’t go through that again.

He’s 11 and the last 4 years have been really great and I’m so relieved we stuck at 1 and genuinely enjoy parenting now!

I'm one and done but sadly not through choice. Had my daughter at almost 40 and fell pregnant again a year later but lost the baby. Menopause came early at 41 so no chance to try for another.
I wish my daughter had her sibling obviously but we've come to terms with being a triangle family now and tbh it's easier! No worrying about how to manage school drops and nursery pick ups, siblings arguing and fighting etc. Financially its easier with one.
Only you and your partner can decide whether bringing another one in to the mix is realistic but it sounds like you may be happy as you are.
As my old granny used to say "what's for you will no go by you"

No regrets. Mine is 11. I really love our life with only one child to manage. He has loads of friends (a lot of whom are only children themselves) and we do loads with him. I highly recommend!

14 years on and don't regret a thing! In fact I'm glad I have only got to go through the teenage years once and she's really not that bad. Plus I can see the end to term time holidays, being a taxi and being able to retire a little early as we've only one to put through university