To find this view re autism frustrating

Yeah, if we split the diagnosis can I NOT go with the online loud crowd cos they do my fucking head in and cause more harm than good. Please?

It means there's very little space for those of us who function OK generally, are diagnosed (sometimes later in life) and just struggle to get on with things without it being our entire identities - we don't fit in anywhere either. To such an extent I seem to be acquiring a role running an unofficial not-batshit-bonkers separate ND staff support network cos the main one is a lost cause.

No one is going up to someone in the street and saying things like that.

This is a discussion forum with faceless names. People are discussing their opinions on it and are quite free to say they are glad their child isn’t autistic whether that offends you or not.

Are you quite honestly asserting that if someone offered you a cure tomorrow for your child’s autism that would allow her to live a full and independent life, that you wouldn’t take it because it’s a fundamental part of who she is?

Autism isn't only a disability , it's a fundamental part of who someone is- it's to have a brain that works differently. Presenting that as fundamentally tragic or less desirable, is a comment on the person.

There are a lot of people on this thread who only see autism through a narrow lens of problem and deficit , I don't think that remotely reflects the complexity of autism and autistic people's experiences and capabilities.

Feel however you like- that's your own business, but maybe don't go around expressing it to disabled people of any variety ? Or society at large? How do you think stigma works ?

I think it would be equally appalling if you went up to a person with downs and said "I'm so glad I don't have downs", or the mother of a downs child "I'm so glad my child isn't like yours!"

I mean surely that's basic common sense.

’autistic person’ seems to be the loud demand of online communities of mostly adult diagnosed individuals who make it their whole identity. Conversely all the adults I know who were diagnosed as a child and are now just getting on with living their lives prefer ‘person with autism’ as they don’t consider it to be their whole identity or the most important thing about them.

People thought it was fine and dandy to exclude women, girls and people of colour before. Some people would like to revert to those days. Most in the field thankfully don’t.

What’s wrong with feeling this way though? I do feel lucky not to have autism and certainly very grateful that my daughter doesn’t have autism. Why is that wrong? It’s the same as any other disability - I feel lucky that I am not disabled and that my daughter isn’t disabled. That’s effectively what’s being said.

Why would anyone WANT a disability?

I don’t agree with you is all.

Diagnosing people, whoever they are, with a condition that will adversely affect their lives should never be described as fine and dandy. Excluding people isn’t fine and dandy either…nobody thinks it is now.
The diagnostic criteria have changed.

It does wind me up. I think they need to break up the spectrum more specifically. Someone like your niece or my brother should not be referred to with the same medical term as someone who is a bit awkward and likes making lists.

so you agree that the diagnostic criteria have been broadened then? There is no defined cut off for an autism diagnosis - everyone IS on the spectrum that makes up each of the diagnostic criteria. Even the idea that it causes significant functional impairment is subjective, vague and moveable.

No subgroups were merged, sensory sensitivities quite rightly added , masking finally recognised,the rigid cut off that which didn’t recognise that traits can manifest after 3 was thankfully removed and the co morbidity ban with adhd was lifted.

Few people meet diagnosis criteria hence the numbers of autistic people in society being so small.

It was fine and dandy when mostly only white boys were being diagnosed or the fact women, girls and people of colour were being shut out. It was pretty clear from my post what meant. I have 2 white boys with autism that are pretty much tortured by autism too.

Your accusation of racism and misogyny hold up a mirror to yourself.

Diagnosis rate has increased in no small
part due to the broadening of diagnostic criteria. It is very often screamed that “no everyone is not on the spectrum!” but in reality the diagnostic criteria are based on spectrums of behaviour we all sit on and as such can shift along it to include more people.

It was fine and dandy when mostly only white boys were being diagnosed or the fact women, girls and people of colour were being shut out. It was pretty clear from my post what meant. I have 2 white boys with autism that are pretty much tortured by autism too.

DS is a white boy.
His autism isn’t ‘great and dandy’ and was never something wanted.
Disability rarely is and that’s what his autism is, a disability.
Nobody would want be as tortured by daily life as he is…and he can speak, and is bright, so I know others have it much worse. But his life has been destroyed by this.

But it’s funny isn’t it. It was all great and dandy when it was mostly white boys being diagnosed. Now “trend “gets tossed about with gay abandon by those that can often know little about autism and definitely nothing about the people they’re dismissing. If diagnosis rates increased due to increased awareness for anything that benefitted white males there would be celebration.

Many people have to self diagnose prior to diagnosis because the wait lists are ridiculously long. That is not the fault of the autistic community.

I wss replying to a poster about people who self diagnose and are very vocal about it
Despite never even looking into an actual assesment
And you can disagree with me all you want but dont try and close down the discusion by calling me a misogynist and a racist .

It’s not a trend it’s being more aware how both present for the other 50% of the be population who were shut out of the diagnosis process before. As were many people of colour and those who had both. We now know you can have both and you aren’t shut out of either if you have one. We also should know that we need to be aware of racial bias and not be more ready to dismiss autism amd adhd as behavioural issues within the black community. It’s so misogynistic and frankly racist dismissing increased awareness in autism and ADHD in women and girls and people of colour as a trend.

I think there are trends for want of a better word
A few years back there were alot of celebrities opening up about their journey witjBi polar disorder
Now its autism
But im seeing more ADHD too

Hence ‘autistic person’ rather than ‘person with autism’: it is their whole identity and they them seek to live that identity.

Quite frankly, some people do. The internet is a hot bed of people self-identifying with autism and anything else they fancy makes them seem interesting.

There is a difference between acknowledging that some disabilities bring additional challenges and repeatedly framing autism itself as something that is inherently negative or something to be grateful to have avoided.

When people hear repeated statements that autism is a "curse", or that someone is glad their child does not have it, it contributes to a wider message about autistic people and children: that their existence is something undesirable.

That is the stigma I am objecting to. The kind of stigma that has already affected my 6 year old when she understands so little.

I absolutely understand wanting to protect your child from suffering. Every parent wants that. But I disagree with the idea that autism is simply a tragedy to be avoided. Autism is not just a list of challenges. Autistic people have humour, creativity, insight, joy, relationships, passions and their own unique ways of seeing and engaging with the world. Those things matter too.

There are a minority of adults who seem to want to have autism. They act like their normal human traits are part of having autism or things that have nothing to do with autism are traits

What’s wrong with feeling this way though? I do feel lucky not to have autism and certainly very grateful that my daughter doesn’t have autism. Why is that wrong? It’s the same as any other disability - I feel lucky that I am not disabled and that my daughter isn’t disabled. That’s effectively what’s being said.

Why would anyone WANT a disability?