To find this view re autism frustrating

NAS think a man can become a woman if he says so.

They just reflect the loud outspoken activist.

https://www.autism.org.uk/blog/challenging-misinformation-about-autism-using-evidence-to-correct-false-claims

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/news/our-response-to-professor-dame-uta-friths-new-paper

Her work being criticised is nothing to do with her being a woman but because it is at odds with decades of evidence and research.

Exactly!

The misinformed people ranting about exclusion and misogyny clearly haven't actually read her publications!

In fact the most misogynistic part of the outrage around Uta Frith is the eagerness of social media advocates to shut her down for being an older woman, despite her decades of research, work and expertise.

Paradigms shift constantly - this one has shifted too far, to encompasses too much so it's becoming meaningless, or rather it often conveys misunderstanding, as it's understood to mean really very different things indeed by different people. It also leads to advocates telling parents they know nothing and have no right to speak because their "lived experience" of sleepless, thankless, isolating years of caring and fighting for a high needs child doesn't match up with quirky superpower narratives.

To say multiple things are not the same doesn't mean denying any of their existence or right to support.

I assume you’re referring to Uta Frith?
What she said is that some people (eg late diagnosed women) need help, support and a diagnosis iirc. She doesn’t think the diagnosis of autism necessarily fits this group though.

“This matters because diagnoses shape treatment, identity, and support. A wrong diagnosis can lead to the wrong help - or no help at all,” she said.

It’s the same sentiment. I’d expect anyone to look at the worst parts of our situation and think “well thank god that’s not me or mine,” that’s just the normal human response IMO.

That seems a bit different from telling strangers that you're glad their child is nothing like yours. Not to mention making insulting comments about soneones comments like a now deleted post did.

People do say it in person.

My sister has raised 2 kids, but when we talk about the lack of sleep we still get with an almost 10 year old she has for example said “oof, rather you than me!”

We also get “I couldn’t cope with that,” the occasional “not for me thanks,” a stranger told me on Sunday it looked “like hard work.”

They’re not talking about the child. They’re talking about the situation, and as the person in it - absolutely fine with that.

If anything I think it validates how bloody difficult it is.

I think PP is referring to children like mine.

My son is front, centre and all angles of everything we do. Everything. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

He does have challenges, but there’s no two ways around it - those challenges make it challenging for the people around him too.

When you’ve got a 9 year old, who is the same size as a 15 year old, tearing your hair out because his porridge is the wrong consistency. Or biting you because he liked beans yesterday but doesn’t today, that is a misfortune. Whether you like the phrasing or not.

I can’t be left unattended with our son for any length of time, because he’s stronger than me. When I get him dressed, my partner stands guard close by incase he needs to rush in.

They’re not just his challenges. They’re all of ours. He has no siblings, on purpose, because it would be a challenge for them too.

So yes, we absolutely love him to the very end of the universe, but it’s not unreasonable when talking about children like him to recognise how very difficult it can be to be in their lives, and it’s not unreasonable that people who don’t live like us are not envious of our situation.

Oh yes thats annoying
Ii have no bloody choice to cope.

I have ADHD and ASD.
I am high functioning, high IQ,married with children and hold down a challenging high level job.
My kids are the same... daughters partner has ADHD and they have decided against having any children.
Whilst its possible any children they could have would be as majestic and hilarious as us, they may also struggle hideously and possibly be non-verbal and need lifelong care.
Theres no way of knowing.
They dont want that- so they choose not to risk it.

I don't think the hypothetical itself is well defined. What does it actually mean to "take away" someone's autism? Which aspects disappear, and which stay the same? Their perception? Their cognition? Their personality? Their interests? Their way of relating to other people? There's no answer to those questions.

If the question is simply whether I'd want to remove the things that cause my daughter distress or make life harder for her, then of course I would.

But autism isn't like a broken bone or an infection that sits apart from the person. It's deeply intertwined with how someone thinks, experiences the world, communicates and develops. So what, exactly, would it mean to remove it completely? What would be left unchanged? I don't think there's a coherent answer to that.

So no, I wouldn't wish away my daughter in exchange for a hypothetical different child. I want her to have every opportunity to thrive, with as few unnecessary barriers as possible. And tackling stigma born of ignorance is part of removing those barriers.

People do say it in person.

My sister has raised 2 kids, but when we talk about the lack of sleep we still get with an almost 10 year old she has for example said “oof, rather you than me!”

We also get “I couldn’t cope with that,” the occasional “not for me thanks,” a stranger told me on Sunday it looked “like hard work.”

They’re not talking about the child. They’re talking about the situation, and as the person in it - absolutely fine with that.

If anything I think it validates how bloody difficult it is.

People do say it in person.

My sister has raised 2 kids, but when we talk about the lack of sleep we still get with an almost 10 year old she has for example said “oof, rather you than me!”

We also get “I couldn’t cope with that,” the occasional “not for me thanks,” a stranger told me on Sunday it looked “like hard work.”

They’re not talking about the child. They’re talking about the situation, and as the person in it - absolutely fine with that.

If anything I think it validates how bloody difficult it is.

Why is it always autism ?
Im not overjoyed that my oldest son hss tyoe 1 Diabetes and has to inject himself 5+ times a day to stsy alive
If somone says they are glad their child is not Diabetic im not offended
Just as im not offended when people acknowkedge how hard it is for me to have a non verbal severly autistic son and are greatful their own child doesnt have the same disabillities

Why is it fine to say something like that to someone online but not in person?

Why is it fine to say something like that to someone online but not in person?

Why is it fine to say something like that to someone online but not in person?

No I absolutely do not. The diagnosis process is robust and lengthy and most people do not meet the threshold or have the combination of traits needed for a diagnosis.

Yes…

So, as I asked, are you saying that your daughter’s autism is such a fundamental part of her personality and personhood that you wouldn’t take it away from her if you could?

No one is going up to someone in the street and saying things like that.

This is a discussion forum with faceless names. People are discussing their opinions on it and are quite free to say they are glad their child isn’t autistic whether that offends you or not.

Are you quite honestly asserting that if someone offered you a cure tomorrow for your child’s autism that would allow her to live a full and independent life, that you wouldn’t take it because it’s a fundamental part of who she is?

I believe earlier you proudly declared you were happy to shout it from the rooftops?

People are free to say whatever they like, and I am free to point out how utterly damaging and harmful it is to promote that kind of ableism and stigma. Not to mention a false and flattening account of the realities of autism and the lives of autistic people.

I assume you’re referring to Uta Frith?
What she said is that some people (eg late diagnosed women) need help, support and a diagnosis iirc. She doesn’t think the diagnosis of autism necessarily fits this group though.

“This matters because diagnoses shape treatment, identity, and support. A wrong diagnosis can lead to the wrong help - or no help at all,” she said.