To prioritise myself over my daughter here?

Have you considered trying to get her back in touch with her dads family?

Can you wait a couple more years until your DD is 18 and more able to have a relationship with family without you being involved?

The siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins already don’t exist due to them both being only children. This dilemma would potentially cut them off from everybody- she’s not talking about taking them from a massive extended family to a smaller one.

Having no relations on earth to call on is quite obviously a ‘bad thing’ with no explanation required for most people. It could turn into a particularly devastating bad thing for the daughter in the future as she will know that she’s family-less due to the actions of her mother. There may well be some very valid reason why cutting off every relation is necessary but this hasn’t yet been stated.

That depends on how the DD's autism affects her. You can not qualify for SS help, but need support with some aspects of life. The OP has been fine with these people for 16 years. She needs to support her DD to have a relationship, until the DD van do that for herself.

Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had to the same but fortunately my dd is very young and so it’s her normal. I don’t think I’d find it as easy to have shut the door on those relationships if she had been old enough to know the status quo. As it stands she is 6 and has her own relationship with my DM which has been successful so far without any involvement from me apart from collection/dropping off.

you’re doing the right thing for you. Depending on the backstory you might need to save yourself now and end things. If it isn’t so horrendous you and sit in the room with you then maybe try again in a few years.

is there any chance you can offer your dd a better Xmas than with your dm?

Me too unless they’re abusive. Sounds like her Mother is but surely not the whole family and any children?

Why is it all or nothing? Your mother has done bad things and you don’t want contact, that’s ok. Your daughter can get the phone numbers of the rest of the family who she likes and they can message each other and meet up throughout the year to build relationships. She has a right to do this. She’ll be an independent soon unless her autism is bad.

It’s august. Can you wait to decide?

Exactly. And people don't always die/become seriously ill in the expected timeframes. So your daughter could be left only with her.
I would do everything I could to support as many relationships for my children as possible, even if that is difficult/problematic for me.

I doubt many people with 0 family relationships are thriving. It's not what I'd want for my DC. I'd want them to have a good support and social network around them.

What are the reasons for cutting you and DD off from the whole family?
I'd probably continue seeing them a bit longer and encourage DD to form her own independent relationships with them. Unless there is a good reason that she should not have relationships with them?

You've only chosen now to have no contact OP. Personally I'd wait while your dd is an adult, seems a bit selfish otherwise. Just go as low contact as possible.

But this isn’t talking about not having “huge numbers” is it?

This is about having ZERO

If you are * very anti social* at 16 that is unlikely to undergo a seismic shift

Presumably? Ok. Most of us with teen kids like to plan and think about their future in the event the shit hits the fan especially when a single parent

Then she’ll have no relations she’s in touch with. Why is that a bad thing? Plenty of us get by without huge numbers of siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins.

And presumably by the time the OP dies her daughter is likely to have a partner, perhaps children of her own or at the very least, some friends.

She specifically still wants to go to an annual family Christmas dinner, which everyone always attends.

Is the dinner at your mum's each year?

Maybe dd will feel more confident going alone when she is a bit older like 18?

Could you become more like your mum when you see her? Answer back every time.

At the moment, you each have 1 relative. What happens when it’s just your daughter left and she has no relations she’s in touch with?

Are you close to your dd? It would be an unusual dd to leave her mother all alone on Christmas Day to spend with estranged family unless DD and you aren’t close

Will you have moved away before Christmas? If not, expedite it

Does you DD know why you are cutting out your family root and branch?