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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Different reactions to my nephew and I

46 replies

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:30

My nephew and I are the same age (much older sister, his dad!), he’s a couple of months older than me. We’re both late 20s.

He recently took all of his annual leave at once (about 5 weeks iirc) to travel around Europe. He basically spent five weeks on the beach. I genuinely love it for him.

I have the same amount of leave but due to organisation rules can’t take it as one huge chunk without written permission, and it has to be a good reason. So instead I’m using it up in dribs and drabs to travel, some weeks away, some long weekends, a couple of midweek trips. They’re largely to the same sorts of places as my nephew.

My entire family thinks his trip was brilliant. They gush over it, talk about how wonderful it is to travel and how enriching it is.

Whenever I talk about my trips I get laughed at, “oh another holiday?” is thrown at me and I’m really tired of it. I don’t think the travel is any less meaningful because I’m doing it in short periods of time. If anything I try to do as much as possible in those times so that I make the most of the time away.

AIBU to be really fucking fed up? I’m tempted to not even tell them about my plans anymore because it really annoys me to hear the plans I’m excited for being torn to shreds because apparently they’re not long enough trips.

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 04/08/2026 17:31

They’re largely to the same sorts of places as my nephew.

This is your answer. Small minds.

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:34

ShetlandishMum · 04/08/2026 17:31

They’re largely to the same sorts of places as my nephew.

This is your answer. Small minds.

Edited

I think it annoys me because he spent a large portion of his trip on the beach and they talk about how great it is, but if I did the same it would be “another holiday?!”

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 04/08/2026 17:35

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:34

I think it annoys me because he spent a large portion of his trip on the beach and they talk about how great it is, but if I did the same it would be “another holiday?!”

I would ignore it. Small minds. Not worth it.

somanychristmaslights · 04/08/2026 17:38

Yeah just don’t even tell them. And if someone questions why you haven’t told them you’re going away, just say you thought they wouldn’t be interested.

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:39

I kind of want to call out their sexism though because that’s clearly what it is at this point?

OP posts:
EveryoneIsPointingNow · 04/08/2026 17:44

I'd be asking, in ever such a nice gentle way, your critics why they are saying what they are rather than telling them @alittlebithackedoff . Make them spell it out and perhaps they'll have a little think to themselves and realise how twattish they sound.

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:47

EveryoneIsPointingNow · 04/08/2026 17:44

I'd be asking, in ever such a nice gentle way, your critics why they are saying what they are rather than telling them @alittlebithackedoff . Make them spell it out and perhaps they'll have a little think to themselves and realise how twattish they sound.

I just doubt they’d ever see it this way! I think they see it as if they’re two different things

OP posts:
bt1234 · 04/08/2026 17:49

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:39

I kind of want to call out their sexism though because that’s clearly what it is at this point?

I don't think it's sexism (although it might be as I'm not there to hear it)
It sounds to me like your holidays are relatable. The people commenting are used to the idea of 1 or 2 week holidays so it doesn't seem exciting. But 5 weeks at once seems inconceivable to them as theyve never done it so it seems more exciting

MatildaTheCat · 04/08/2026 17:50

Torn to shreds? What are they saying?

If they are expressing concerns about the environmental impacts of frequent flying then have an answer. If they are mildly envious or uninterested about your plans then just shrug and say, ‘absolutely yes, I just love my holidays’.

It’s a bit of a non issue really. Are you going anywhere interesting that you can share with them?

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:53

MatildaTheCat · 04/08/2026 17:50

Torn to shreds? What are they saying?

If they are expressing concerns about the environmental impacts of frequent flying then have an answer. If they are mildly envious or uninterested about your plans then just shrug and say, ‘absolutely yes, I just love my holidays’.

It’s a bit of a non issue really. Are you going anywhere interesting that you can share with them?

Nothing environmental because thankfully they are smart enough to know that commercial flights have 0 impact.

It’s things like my upcoming trip, I shared that I had a bed booked at a (reasonable) beach club in the south of France. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, it’s fancy and it seems very relaxing. It was met with a lot of disparaging comments, talking about how it’s a waste of money, how it’s overly luxurious and I didn’t really need to do it, but if my nephew talks about spending a week on the beach they gush over it!

OP posts:
doonaduvet · 04/08/2026 17:53

If the criticism is from your parents maybe it is more your nephew is the grandchild so is encouraged to enjoy his life, however, you as the child need to be responsible?

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:54

doonaduvet · 04/08/2026 17:53

If the criticism is from your parents maybe it is more your nephew is the grandchild so is encouraged to enjoy his life, however, you as the child need to be responsible?

Well that’s utter bollocks? How is it irresponsible to go on a trip I can afford?

OP posts:
ColdAsAWitches · 04/08/2026 17:55

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:39

I kind of want to call out their sexism though because that’s clearly what it is at this point?

That's a bit of a reach! I can see why it's annoying, but I can't see how it's sexist.

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:56

ColdAsAWitches · 04/08/2026 17:55

That's a bit of a reach! I can see why it's annoying, but I can't see how it's sexist.

Because exactly the same thing (travelling to Europe) is being exalted for the man but disparaged for the woman?

OP posts:
Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 04/08/2026 17:58

YABU. Why do you care so much?! Also, “oh another holiday?” is hardly ‘being torn to shreds’.

LauritaEvita · 04/08/2026 18:00

There’s something about a longer length of time away that makes people think some big adventure has happened. I worked with a man who went to Australia for an extended trip. Whilst there, he’d just done very generic, touristy type things and had gone to British/ Irish bars to keep up with the sports from home. Another colleague and I had done a few shorter trips but ones that involved speaking other languages and being very much ‘the foreigners’ in cultures v different to ours but we were completely dismissed when we tried to talk about it. 🤣 man travelling to English speaking, Western culture trumped anything we’d achieved! At least I had someone laugh with about it.

ThisOneLife · 04/08/2026 18:00

YABU because you should have written:
Different reactions to my nephew and ME.

HereForFootie · 04/08/2026 18:01

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:34

I think it annoys me because he spent a large portion of his trip on the beach and they talk about how great it is, but if I did the same it would be “another holiday?!”

He's a man, it doesn't count.

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 18:02

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 04/08/2026 17:58

YABU. Why do you care so much?! Also, “oh another holiday?” is hardly ‘being torn to shreds’.

It’s pretty fucking tiresome when they ask, just to be rude, sneery and disrespectful.

OP posts:
GiantInsectBites · 04/08/2026 18:02

If it’s your parents then it could be a classic child verses grandchild thing. I think parents can see children as extensions of themselves and it changes how they behave.

Either way, their behaviour says stuff about them not you. Took me a long long long time to learn but if someone is mean in anyway about part of my life, I don’t volunteer information to them about that particular of my life anymore.

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 18:03

LauritaEvita · 04/08/2026 18:00

There’s something about a longer length of time away that makes people think some big adventure has happened. I worked with a man who went to Australia for an extended trip. Whilst there, he’d just done very generic, touristy type things and had gone to British/ Irish bars to keep up with the sports from home. Another colleague and I had done a few shorter trips but ones that involved speaking other languages and being very much ‘the foreigners’ in cultures v different to ours but we were completely dismissed when we tried to talk about it. 🤣 man travelling to English speaking, Western culture trumped anything we’d achieved! At least I had someone laugh with about it.

It’s just baffling to me! All he did was sit on the beach and drink beer, which good for him, but when I travel it’s apparently not a good thing?!

OP posts:
Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 04/08/2026 18:03

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:39

I kind of want to call out their sexism though because that’s clearly what it is at this point?

Do you think it’s sexism or the length of time? If it’s the former (you know your family), I’d totally call if out. However, I still think you should give considerably less of a shit what your family thinks of you going on holiday.

MayaPyjama · 04/08/2026 18:04

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 17:39

I kind of want to call out their sexism though because that’s clearly what it is at this point?

It’s unlikely to be sexism. A five week holiday travelling about is unusual an interesting. A weeks’ holiday isn’t so it feels like “another holiday”. It’s totally illogical but the longer trip feels like travelling and not a holiday.

Also, does your nephew seem younger to the family? I imagine a grandchild feels younger than a child even if they’re not, and that your child feels younger than your sibling - so it feels like more of an ‘achievement’ that he’s young and travelling and you’re just having a lot of normal holidays.

All totally illogical but I can see why it might feel that way to them.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 04/08/2026 18:05

alittlebithackedoff · 04/08/2026 18:02

It’s pretty fucking tiresome when they ask, just to be rude, sneery and disrespectful.

rude, sneery and disrespectful

What are they actually saying to you?

Clairey1986 · 04/08/2026 18:06

When he spent time on the beach did he pay for a luxury place beach bed? I wonder if while being similar places you are enjoying a more luxurious experience and that is leading to the waste of money comments (I don’t agree with them, just observing).

I suspect it’s more to do with overall family dynamics which is why it grates on you so much too.