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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to ask Ds to pay this?

33 replies

Cinemaqueen13 · 04/08/2026 15:19

Ds is 18. He has finished 2 years at college and is looking for a full time job/apprenticeship. He does have a part time/zero hours job but you only get shifts if the contracted staff are on leave/off sick.

He doesn’t want to uni he wants an apprenticeship. All fine.

Dh has told him to claim universal credit until he finds a job. Before anyone starts benefit bashing, Ds really didn’t want to and is applying for jobs every day, but the job market is tough at the moment and he will need money to live off. We want him to face the reality of adult life and managing his own budget. There will be clothing, travel costs, hair cuts, his phone and so on.

I’ve said it’s reasonable for him to pay £10 a week in rent/board. He’s hoping he’ll find some full time work before he even gets the first payment, but if not is £10 a week reasonable?

OP posts:
drspouse · 04/08/2026 16:02

I said YABU because I think it's too low.
I would suggest an amount equivalent to his phone contract, if you still pay it, and a reasonable level of contribution to food.
Obviously as his mum and dad you'll want to treat him to things, buy him a takeaway occasionally but it would be better for it to be a bit more of a realistic level.

NotHisLastName · 04/08/2026 16:01

He isn't facing the reality if adult life though, is he. He lives with his parents as a dependent.

ShetlandishMum · 04/08/2026 15:56

Of course he needs to pay. Life isn't free.

shellyleppard · 04/08/2026 15:54

@Cinemaqueen13 I did the same for my sons. Might only be a little bit but it encourages them to think ahead

Cinemaqueen13 · 04/08/2026 15:45

shellyleppard · 04/08/2026 15:26

Could you maybe put it in a savings account for him? As a deposit when he moves out?

That’s what I’ve always planned to do, to save any rent that my dc pay for a house deposit/emergency fund.

I feel a bit bad taking money off him when he won’t have much but I do feel that it’s a valuable life lesson.

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 04/08/2026 15:26

Could you maybe put it in a savings account for him? As a deposit when he moves out?

Peonies12 · 04/08/2026 15:24

Absolutely reasonable. He needs to start learning about responsibility.

randomchap · 04/08/2026 15:19

Yes. Very reasonable. He needs to learn that things cost money when you're an adult