AIBU to think "not wanting to ruin your body" is a perfectly valid reason not to have biological children?

I think I agree with this. I feel very uneasy by OP's post and it's hard to articulate why.
Of course its fine not to want children and any reason you have for that choice is valid.

And wanting to adopt because you want to give a child that has already been born a good life , when their birth parents can't do that is a very good thing to do.
But if you are adopting because you want children but don't want to ruin your body that is a pretty shallow reason . If everyone felt that way there would be no children for you to adopt.
The child you love had a mother who carried him for 9 months and gave birth to him. Obviously she couldn't care for him and it's better for him to be with people who can but I feel very uneasy about seeing children as a commodity that somehow can be passed onto someone who wants a child but doesn't want to ruin their own body.

I also think adoption is rarely as easy as just adopting a child and raising them in just the way you would a biological child.

Very few babies are available to adopt these days, because thankfully we've moved on from the days of young, unmarried women being encouraged to give birth and then give up their babies, so most children come from care, having been removed due to their family circumstances, which can result in very traumatised children.

Your friend us a twit for diminishing adoption is is not surrogacy

in this country they are nesrly always traumatised SEN with complex needs that require A lLOT of energy, time and patience and TRAINING

do not adopt because you are vain about your body , you will only be accepted as adopted parents if you understand the hard work involved

my friend adopted s newborn who has severe Complications from his origins

If “not wanting to ruin your body” (I’ve had 2 children and haven’t ruined mine) is more important to you than having a child who is genetically you and your partner’s, being pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding and the newborn stage, then no it’s not an unreasonable choice, as long as adopt and don’t pay someone else to “ruin their body” instead of you. It’s up to you.

Adoption is not an alternative to biological children. The only children available to be adopted in the UK are older (like yours, who was 2), not babies, and are almost guaranteed to come with physical health and mental health problems. It's not something I wanted. I wanted a baby, to raise. I was not prepared to go through the adoption process or to spend the rest of my life dealing with attachment disorders.

Did pregnancy take a toll on me physically? Yes. But there is also a connection and love there that is like no other. There is no comparable feeling to carrying a child in your body and holding him for the first time. But your friends can't say that to your face, it would be inappropriate.

And I am completely opposed to surrogacy or buying a baby from abroad.

YANBU OP.

You've been very honest and it sounds like the situation brought the best possible outcome for both you and your child.

'I don't want to risk ruining my body' is very valid, so long as you don't then paying to outsource the ruined body and birth injuries to another woman.

But that would never happen so not worth worrying about and even if it did. Doesn’t matter. People aren’t required to have children for society.

If having babies is the reason women give for being out of shape, whats all the overweight middle aged mens excuse?

Where did the op mention prostitution or surrogacy???

Yanbu. Any reason is valid. It would be awful for a child to grow up knowing their mum hates her post-baby body.

Ive had four kids and absolutely loved pregnancy and births were fine. I loved the whole experience, I just don’t go round talking about it as I know a lot of people aren’t that fortunate. In the same way it wouldn’t be sensitive for you to talk about ruining your figure in front of others.

DH is a doctor too and never occurred to him to discourage pregnancy.

Adoption and surrogacy aren’t the same thing.

It’s a valid reason. It’s probably not sensitive to say it out loud if you’re among women who have put on weight / had birth injuries / dislike the way their stomach and boobs look post-pregnancy and who are likely to feel upset hearing others “agree” that their bodies are ruined. It’s an inside thought or one for sharing with people you know feel the same way.

Where did the comment about surrogacy come from?

Pregnancy and birth have taken it's toll on my body but l wouldn't change a thing . Having said that I think it's fine what you did and good luck to you .

You don’t birth adoptive children though.

I guess it's valid, in the sense that there's nothing logically wrong with it, each to their own and all that.

But I struggle with it to be honest. The potential implications of the decision to adopt children seem huge to me. Both the upsides and the downsides, for the adopters, the adoptees, and the people around them. It seems bizarre to me that the dominant factor in someone's decision to adopt would be the impact on their body, unless there were unusual health risks for them.

I think it's a valid reason for not having children at all, but I don't think it's a valid reason for adoptng a child, rather than having a child that is biologically yours.

Agree OP.

As an aside, the Op didn’t mention surrogacy?? Adoption is not comparable to surrogacy.

Valid reason but a stupid one. Your body will age and you will be middle aged /elderly/ saggy in the blink of an eye .
Bodies age. Bodies deteriorate.

Yes and no.

You make valid points.

There are children out there needing families.

No real experience of adoption of fostering really except families I’ve met through teaching. But it’s not plain sailing always , quite the opposite.

Not that I think families shouldn’t adopt and I do believe firmly that families come in all shapes and sizes and there isn’t a perfect model.

It’s up to you OP. It might sound a bit cold hearted but on the other hand what you’re proposing is better environmentally.

I love my one birthed child more than anything on earth. I didn’t have much to lose in the looks dept to be completely honest, I’m ok but no supermodel!

At 41, the birth took more out of me than I cared to admit at the time. And whilst I’m the world’s greatest NHS fan, the experience wasn’t managed well by me or by the medics.

It was still the greatest thing that ever happened to me through.

I haven't had any lasting effects of pregnancy, but I had HG and that was quite enough for me - I still automatically feel sick at the thought of any place I went and was pregnant.

I had an "shit NHS classic" level of treatment during pregnancy, so I'm sticking with my good luck that none of the issues were lasting.

It’s your body and your choice.

I fully support any couple who adopt a child and give them a wonderful life. Although I do think not wanting to give birth to your own biological child purely for vanity reasons is strange.

I am extremely against surrogacy though and think it should be illegal.