AIBU to think "not wanting to ruin your body" is a perfectly valid reason not to have biological children?

You don't need to justify wanting or not wanting kids, it can be as shallow or deep as you want. It's a hell of a lot more shallow to have kids when you don't really want them or just to taka few insta photos.

but you make it sound like a judgement on other mums and imply that they have ruined their bodies. It's becoming an insult against others, not a private decision.

so YABU
You don't want to put your body through that, no one can blame you, it's not necessary. Pregnancy ruins body? No. It's not a curse.

Didn’t say there weren’t. There is just naturally less risk of birth injuries and other unpleasant side effects the less someone does something.

I also come from a family of formula feeders so won’t be breastfeeding. My body is my own. I want to minimise the amount of time it is being physically used/stressed in some way. I can’t really explain it better than that.

I don't see anything wrong about deciding not to have bio children for any reason.
I don't see anything wrong in offering to foster/adopt when some existing child needs a home - if the person/couple is suitable for dealing with fostering/adoption, and goes through checks and training.

I am against creating/ordering children for this purposes, be it by surrogacy, limiting contraception/abortion access, or giving up on contact with birth family for economic reasons or reasons not connected with aggressipn/abuse/...

In my country it won't be a secure strategy, as there are very few healhy babies available for adoption, even less so from majority ethnicity. And not everyone is ready to take care of older/disabled/in partial touch with the original family.

I think your perspective on this is absolutely valid and in many ways great, but is really quite unusual. Not many people would see raising a two year old as the same as having that child from birth - that isn't to say it's lesser, but it's a very different experience. I am a bit surprised that you think that he was 'mouldable' - you know he will always be greatly shaped by the circumstances of his early life, right? I think most people would see adoption as a much harder route than having children biologically. As I said, I think it's great that you have such a hugely positive view of your situation, but it feels like you don't realise how few would feel like that.

One thing I would say is that I was on cloud nine for 3-6 months after giving birth. I was very, very deeply happy and content and I got the strong impression that my husband was too. I wouldn’t have missed that feeling for the world. It must have been all the oxytocin.

Most adopters don’t feel “noble” or like that way of thinking in my experience (in process of becoming an adoptive parent and have met with many). It kind of perpetuates the notion that adopted children are like rescued pets. The vast majority of parenthood starts with an adult want - either a planned pregnancy because they want to be a mum and dad or an accidental pregnancy they have chosen to continue as an alternative to abortion. Adoption is no different - it generally stems from a want for children/a bigger family. I’m not somehow kinder or more altruistic because I’m coming to parenthood a different way and I’m not rescuing someone unwanted. Most adoptees in the UK were taken into care because their parents couldn’t care for them. Not because they didn’t want them.

Any reason is valid if that's your reason. You could like holidays too much to want a child, thats still a valid reason. I'm not sure who you are fighting with here as it seems to be yourself, somehow?

With all that- while I can believe it is a reason for you, I don't believe it is the reason for you. Your post reads to me like adoption was something you really wanted to do and the thought of not risking your figure was the bonus that came with it.

Any reason not to have children is perfectly valid and to adopt a child and give it a loving home is a great thing to do. Perhaps I’m missing something but I find it strange that you didn’t want to have your own children but somewhere out there is a child that is biologically yours.

YABVU. Someone (some woman) has got to 'ruin her body' to give someone that adopted child. (That they want but don't need.)

And MY body hasn't been ruined through having children, thank you.

Good grief, what an awful thread! As has been said - so rude and misogynistic. 'Women who have given birth have wrecked their bodies, but women who haven't still have a nice body because they chose to not have children!' Good grief @DeepSnail can you hear yourself?!

.

I know.

What I am saying is that it is fine not to want children because you don't want to go through pregnancy and birth, whether that is because of the effect on your body or other reasons.
I don't think the reason for adopting a child should be because you don't want a saggy belly/ stretchmarks etc.

Edited to add that this was in response to someone replying to my last post saying you don't give birth to adoped children - the quote didn't appear.

Any reason is a valid reason - there's no need to try to justify it?

Also, a pp is right that 'having babies ruins women's bodies' is best kept as an inside thought.

Despite your disclaimer I sense an 'it's inevitable that your body will be ruined and you'll get fat, not like me, because unlike women who had babies, I take care of my body!' attitude from you, which is both insulting and wrong.

I’ve been left with a lifelong untreatable awful condition following a birth injury so I fully support you.

I agree with you OP, you are entitled to do as you like and you have done a wonderful thing by adopting.

I got my body back to normal within 3 months after baby no. 1, but after baby no 2 I never got back down to my pre-baby weight (only about 5lb over but never shifted it.) However being a size 8 instead of a size 6 is not a problem and I have a great husband who isn’t the slightest bit concerned.

Adopting because you want to give unwanted children a home - is great and noble. But you don't need to then go on about how natural birth is disgusting to you because it ruins women's' bodies, and how you managed to keep yours because you didn't give birth.
And I find it even worse that your H - a doctor - would discourage a woman from giving birth because it it ruining their bodies....
Ruining how? In whose opinion? Ruining for the men who have to be with women who have given birth?

OP - not sure why you posted. It's great that you have a lot of adopted family members. Great that you also adopted and your son found you.

There is absolutely no need to feel superior about your life choices. Because someone still had to give birth for your son to exist. You just chose not to. Period.

What do you feel is a valid reason to adopt then?

It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself and others around you which kind of screams insecurity and doubt. If you’re certain of your choices in life you don’t need other people to validate it.

Of course having a baby can change your body a bit but so many others things will change your body much more, aging, gaining/losing weight, illness/surgeries. None of us will be 80 with perky boobs and a flat stomach!
Although any reason is a valid one for not having children. Biological or not.

No one knows if pregnancy and/or birth is going to ruin your body. I’ve had two children and my body wasn’t ruined. I enjoyed being pregnant and giving birth.

There are thousands of fit and slim mums

Honestly I think any reason a woman gives for not wanting a child is valid- her body, her choice.

I also think adoption is so important, there are so many children out there in desperate need of good, stable & loving homes.

I would take some issue with anyone making flippant comments about how they should have “just adopted” though, it’s not an easy or quick process as I’m sure you well know OP and it isn’t an easy thing to do raising a child who has experienced trauma or neglect that you may never fully understand. It’s a total different experience of parenthood and comes with it’s own often huge set of challenges, not something I’d ever refer to as “just” anything really.

I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written. Being fit and yes, thin is incredibly important to me. I am the same size as I was in my early 20s (I’m on holiday in the South of France atm and I still fit into the dress I wore when I was last in Cannes in 2015) and want to remain that way/

DH and I are aligned on only having one child and one reason (of many reasons) is I don’t want to fuck up my body with multiple pregnancies and births.