AIBU to think "not wanting to ruin your body" is a perfectly valid reason not to have biological children?

This is a weird OP.

I'm an adopter, so what? It certainly hasn't exempted me from aging or from having health concerns. I don't think I look better than my friends who have birth children, but even if I did, so what?

There's risk in pregnancy and birth. There's risk in adoption too. OP it comes across like you think you found a clever life hack that other women are too dim to have thought of. You didn't. You wanted a kid and had one in the way that suited you, so what?

OP - this still doesn't really explain why you posted. It's not like someone around you is judging you and you wanted opinions/advise. Etc.
As it is - the "I just wanted to pose a question" is a bit disingenuous. You post is a mixture of stealth boasting about women who don't give birth age better - and talking about adoption and your family.
While the latter is very relatable - the former is really tone-deaf. And unclear why you need to drag on and point out how everybody around you ages faster if they had kids.
You seem to be defensive in the absence of judgement - why is that?

Telling someone whose comment you didn't like to not comment on your post is just how your defensiveness comes through. And people's impression of your post is based on ..drumroll...the words you use, not the stated intension. So - the best way to not give a wrong impression is, for e.g. to not tell a large group of women who mostly have given birth (here on MN) - that their bodies were ruined having done that, and there are better choices out there....

Personally - I don't find your post offensive, I find it smug and silly. I respect people's choices and think it's totally up to you how you live and what you do, on many dimensions. And at the same time, I find it irritating when people proselytize...

Obligatory literally means your are 'obliged' to have this happen to you.
Its NOT obligatory.
You can make efforts for these not to happen.Be and stay fit. Don't be overweight. Pilates. Pelvic floor excercises.
Its not a passive process.Unless you 'eat for two', get fat and do fuck all.

But OPs son doesn't have any health issues...and in this day and age you're just as likely to give birth to a biological child with a disability.

Not many people set out to create hardships that can be avoided.

Then no one would have kids at all.

So when I look at parents who have knowingly taken steps to have a child with trauma and possibly physical problems too i find it admirable but, yes, hard to understand. It’s a hell of a lot to take on.

Yes it's very admirable. If no one did it the child would grow up without a family.

Best things you can do are exercise, not drink or smoke, use HRT and pray.

Fine, provided you don’t outsource pregnancy to a poorer woman under the child trafficking euphemism that is surrogacy.

Well they aren't inevitable but serious birth injuries leading to incontinence and stretchmarks are 'obligatory', in that you don't choose if they happen to you or not.

God that’s depressing. I couldn’t have children and my mum had dementia.

Well for most people having a secure, happy and healthy family is the most important thing and so you do everything you can to maximise the chances of that happening. It’s the same reason most babies with down syndrome are terminated and if you were to go on a first date with someone with a terminal illness you probably wouldn’t progress with the relationship. Obviously, most people keep their disabled children once they’re born and won’t leave a sick spouse- but that’s a different equation once you’ve already committed to them. Not many people set out to create hardships that can be avoided.

Choosing not to make someone the most important person in your life and not taking over their care, potentially for 18 years, is not the same as shunning (as you well know).

I’m assuming you have adopted a high needs child, from your judgy post? It surprises me that you would respond with what you did if you have experience of this, tbh. I am also a parent to a child with longstanding medical issues. The toll it has taken on me and my family is huge and the stress of having a child with a life threatening condition isn’t something I would wish on anyone. So when I look at parents who have knowingly taken steps to have a child with trauma and possibly physical problems too i find it admirable but, yes, hard to understand. It’s a hell of a lot to take on.

Pregnancy and childbirth are hard on your body, but mine didn't change hugely and I am same weight now as I was at 20yo with the same measurements, a bit smaller actually. I know a lot of mums who are similar. I had c sections and that was traumatic. Honestly any reason you have to not want children or pregnancy is legit because it's your body and your life.

You'd shun children who are already here to create what you think will be the perfect children with the perfect lives? That's what I don't understand...how you could put non-existent children above the kids already here in need of families. If OP didn't adopt some other family would, or they'd grow up in care-how is that preferable? Just proves most parents only think about themselves.

Good for you OP. Why create more mouths to feed when there are already children in need of homes? If you partly did it for your body who cares? A lot of women will hate it because they like to bang on about the sacrifices they made having their own mini-me yet would never consider adoption.

You did a good thing, I couldn't be happier for you and your family!

My mother and her sister both gave birth to 5 children and they had completely different bodies in later life.
Giving birth or not giving birth isn't necessarily the reason your aunt's look different. People are just different.

Any reason for not having children is valid.

I do not believe having children ‘ruins’ your body. I think that’s a hideous statement.

Exactly. I have always been slim, fit and healthy. Pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding didn’t ruin my body. I loved all of it!! I have two children but in a different world I would’ve had more.

I think you're unreasonable for suggesting that most women have body issues post pregnancy.
Some do- some don't.
You say you look after yourself and keep yourself fit.
Me too.
At pushing 57 and post menopausal I'm the same size/weight/BMI (22) I was pre-children.
I'm not incontinent or covered in stretch marks either. These things are not obligatory.

Adopted children often suffer trauma/distress as a result of being adopted, no matter how supportive their adoptive parents are. My friend is an advocate for adoptees and speaks eloquently on issues of non-belonging, grief and rejection. Even as an adult, she struggles with that early rejection and abandonment.

Imagine finding out that one of the reasons you were 'chosen' is because your DM didn't want her body "ruined". I can't quite express it but it feels like the child is a commodity somehow.

I was thinking further about this, and I think rather than ruin my body, being a mother gave it more purpose. Yes my brain and lungs and legs etc are the reason i live and have skills and am me. But all those years of annoying periods were so I could grow babies. My breasts were for breastfeeding. I feel my body fulfilled a biological function by giving birth. I totally respect those who chose not to but I don't like it when women say pregnancy ruined their bodies. For a tiny percent pregnancy related complications did ruin their body but for the most part their body changed a bit. Most of the changes were from motherhood and the lifestyle that went with it, not the pg or birth itself. I don't like the negative language around birth. I feel if someone injured their legs playing sport or had neck injuries from bad posture from phone usage, they would tell you these injuries occurred in a factual way. They wouldn't say playing football ruined my legs or social media ruined my back, they wouldn't go around telling people that football is dangerous and should be avoided because they know someone who did permanent damage.

If you are fit and healthy before getting pregnant, you are more likely to have a straightforward pregnancy and (hopefully) birth. I had an easy time.

The assumption that having children "ruins your body" worries me.

I had two children, now in their teens, and experienced no lasting damage/weight gain etc as a result of being pregnant and giving birth.

I realise this isn't the case for everyone but it's unhelpful to assume it's the norm.

I’ve got a friend who adopted a little girl, simply because she didn’t want to run the risk of getting pregnant with a boy. My aunt and uncle have 2 adopted children after a horrific birth left her without a uterus. Surrogacy can be a bit icky, but adopting for whatever reason, why not?

I feel your phrasing is unhelpful because it inadvertently reinforces bounce back culture and the idea that a woman’s worth is tied to how closely her body resembles its pre-pregnancy state.

I say this as someone who found pregnancy incredibly difficult and whose feelings about women and women’s bodies have changed a lot since becoming a mother and experiencing pregnancy firsthand.

Our bodies aren’t meant to stay frozen in one stage forever. We age, we change and our bodies tell the story of the lives we’ve lived. Change isn’t the same thing as damage. Motherhood, much like puberty, brings profound physical changes. I think “change” is a much more accurate and respectful word. Pregnancy and birth can absolutely leave some women with life-changing injuries or long-term health conditions. Those experiences deserve to be acknowledged. Even then, though, I wouldn’t describe those women as “ruined”.

Growing, carrying and birthing a child is one of the most physically demanding things a human body can do. It changes you mind, body, and often soul. Those changes can be joyful, difficult, empowering, permanent, or all of those at once!

If you don’t want to experience pregnancy or those changes, that’s completely valid. Pregnancy can be frightening and it’s okay to admit that. Unlike puberty, it’s something most people have a choice about and no one should feel pressured into it. But I do think we can talk honestly about the realities and risks of pregnancy without describing mothers’ bodies as ruined.

Every woman I know, who has had children moans about their bodies but probably wouldnt want to have swapped kids for a perfect body. You sound like you are at the age , late 30's, where women start noticing changes and blaming it on having had kids. In a few years your conversations will be about menopause, bad knees and hip replacements. However lots of what you have written is about the pros of adoption so it isnt really clear what point you are making. Adoption is a great thing to do but not easy. Many looked after children or adopted children grow up with a lot of problems. You have made your choice and are having a great experience. To that end all reasons for having kids or not or adopting or not are valid.

Adoption is not to be taken lightly- even if you adopt a baby, the trauma and attachment issues begin in utero and the separation from the baby’s mother is a trauma. An unfortunate but necessary situation in most cases and yes, many cases work out fine. Many don’t.For that reason I think you and others would be naive to think not having children to sacrifice your body could be remedied by simply adopting. You often can’t ‘mould’ these babies who have been exposed to far too much already, so it’s not a risk I’d take based purely on body image.
In terms of not wanting a baby, any reason is perfectly valid and nothing to do anyone else.
I and several other women I know are the same size after kids, so if that’s the only reason putting you off there are ways of staying fit and maintaining your bmi when having kids

Do you really thing there are plenty of women there who want to go through full pregnancy, but don't want the child / don't want to be in touch with it in some way?

I understand some are in a hardship and give up the child, some have limited capacity, sometimes tragedy happens.
Just saying that "a birth mother didn't want her child" sounds wrong to me.