To have walked out of the restaurant

Totally agree, getting a kick out of being cruel..totally yucky bullying frenzy comments...I can only imagine the sad lives that make that feel fun

Well that's simple because OP wanted advice and not a pile on

I think you did the right thing. If you’re like me, the alternative was that you screamed blue murder at them in front of the whole restaurant, and that would have been embarrassing for everyone. Kids are so badly behaved these days, sometimes you just can’t deal with it and it’s better to remove yourself.

She’s already said so, including their father. A complete non-event.

Some of these comments are a bit unsympathetic. I understand how you feel OP.

I've been a (sucessful I'd say!) secondary school teacher for nearly 15 years yet my own (late primary/early secondary) kids make me feel like I have no clue what I'm doing! None of mine get on with each other at all; it's been especially bad since they broke up from school. So we've 'gone back to basics'; no tv/PlayStation each day until they can be nice to or ignore each other and sticking to it! Also, we 'divide and conquer' when possible as on their own they're nice kids! And we gave up on restaurants years ago, our kids are very high energy so we do parks/picnics for days out with family; sit down meals would be a disaster for us too!

Same, why didn’t they?

Generally going out to eat with a 3 and 5 year old wouldn’t be something I’d bother paying for the privilege of. Next time say ‘I don’t really enjoy that kind of thing, we can take the kids to something more suitable or you guys can take them to the restaurant alone’.

This is a pointless comment. In school the rules are completely different, there are other children around and the adult is not someone there 24/7. Teachers can take a break too (morning and lunch time), so even if little Johnny is getting on their nerves they know that they can escape them during the day and don't have to go home with them.

No more both sitting on the same side of the booth for them! One sits with mum and dad and the other with PIL.

People were asking about who else was there assuming that was relevant but as their dad was there this is a complete non issue. You were perfectly fine to wonder off and do whatever you wanted whilst he patented his kids.

When did that happen?

Why, when you've been called out on being mean, and not getting the facts right?

Kids behave very differently for their own parents, and presumably they are different with teachers than they would be at home.
Also, our stress levels are totally different.
To say you are a judgemental bit of work is an understatement. What has YOUR adult daughter got to do with a mum at the end of her tether? It's not a bloody competition you horrid old moo

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. The bickering is enough to drive you fucking insane. Many a time on days out I declare ‘just need a wee!!’ And I clear off to the loo to get away for ten mins.

You should probably reflect on that

Yes.

Did you mean to be so rude?

I’m guessing the DH is useless and that’s why op feels overwhelmed with it all.

The thing about 3 and 5 year olds is that they won’t just ‘behave’. They have to be held by the hand and guided every step. So you set out the expectations before you begin -
‘you will hold my hand and Oscar will hold nanny’s hand - good boy’ (praise important!)
‘we will sit nicely and wait for our food’ (they may not at all - but you as the parent have spelled out the expectation and can say (in a stern disappointed voice) ‘that doesn’t look like nice sitting Ollie… please sit back and stop banging things …(death stare till they stop)… good’
‘ok, doesn’t this look yummy…WAIT, until daddy gives out everyone’s order - first take a napkin and a straw…’ etc etc.

It’s up to you both as the adults to set the parameters and acceptable behaviour. If your DH is not supporting you in this, I can see why you’d want to walk off in tears. But instead I think you need to practise in small ways at home with the boys, and reflect on your husband’s contribution and whether things can change.

If there's other adults who are part of the immediate family, and it saves mum losing her rag completely, then surely stepping outside whilst leaving them attended to is a better option? Obviously there is some thinking to be done regarding handling future outings, situations and approaches, however that's for OP to work on.

You went outside to gather yourself and calm down. The children were with their other parent. It's fine, we all get overwhelmed sometimes! Don't be hard on yourself OP 💐

That's a very coherent sentence from someone who can't even read.

So does dh usually sit and do nothing when the dc kick off? Why is it your job?

My daughter can take control of a class of primary school children and babysits for a someone who three kids “run riot” and are behaved for my daughter who also gets them to clean their toys away so the parent comes back to a tidy house. I actually don’t know how she does it. Surely you can parent a 3 and 5 year old and get them to behave.

She left them with their Dad and Grandparents.
She says that in the thread.