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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husbands plans clashing with family trip

34 replies

lavandermatcha · 04/08/2026 13:24

Myself and my husband have been on about taking the kids skiing for the last few years. We booked a few years ago but then his friend announced he was getting married and my husband was groomsman so I cancelled for financial reasons and also felt my husband may be needed the week of the wedding.
I found flights and accomodation ect for a good deal when the kids are off school in February so I told him I was going to book but now he said his friends are talking about an event that week and travelling over for it. I asked could he reschedule and go another time but he said that they voted and everyone agreed that week. If he doesn’t go he will loose his share of the joint fund they use for get togethers. (I’m not sure why they can’t just leave his share for the next event to rollover)
He has no issue going skiing but thinks we should take kids out of school and go earlier/later in the year.
I won’t go with the kids on my own due to different ages I feel our oldest wouldn’t benefit as usually when we are doing activities he will do them with either me or dh whilst the other parent remains with the younger ones. I’ve never been skiing before either.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
SALaw · Today 07:56

lavandermatcha · Yesterday 09:50

Just an update everyone thank you for the advice, so dh had not looked at the flights and the cost was £££ so he has decided it’s too expensive whereas I had my flights priced and accomodation booked provisionally. They’re now planning a different event and we go in February ☺️

If the love of his family won’t change his mind, the money will…

Original poster
lavandermatcha · Yesterday 09:50

Just an update everyone thank you for the advice, so dh had not looked at the flights and the cost was £££ so he has decided it’s too expensive whereas I had my flights priced and accomodation booked provisionally. They’re now planning a different event and we go in February ☺️

OP posts:
Myotherusernamesafunnyone · Yesterday 07:47

Ggeordie · 04/08/2026 14:16

Go the first week of Easter holidays.

Ensure you are in a high resort such as Avoriaz (also it's close to Geneva so a short transfer).

It will be far, far cheaper which as you are all beginners is probably important.

The weather will tend to be better.

This

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 06/08/2026 21:00

What is the event and how long is it? Surely a family holiday should take precedence.

Pinkissmart · 04/08/2026 23:51

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 04/08/2026 17:46

look at Canada for skiing at Easter- it’s often not that much more expensive than Europe if it doesn’t clash with local holidays. you are more likely to get good snow than in Europe at Easter.

I think I would be angry if he won’t even go back into the group chat and say that he didn’t realise it was school holidays that week, everywhere will be more expensive/harder to get bookings and full of kids. Would they consider re-voting to avoid the school holidays ?

Yeah, but they’ll lose days due to the flight, time difference and jet lag

Myskyscolour · 04/08/2026 19:16

Is he only planning to be away for a long weekend? Then maybe you could go skiing for 4-5 days only, we did 5 days last year and it still felt like a good ski break.

waterrat · 04/08/2026 18:04

Imagine this with gender roles reversed. Mum just assumes she can be away over school.holidays. Just wouldn't happen

SunnyRedSnail · 04/08/2026 18:02

@lavandermatcha if the kids are below Y10 (so not exam years) then I'd consider taking them out of school. If you can go Wednesday to Wednesday and not miss a full week of school then you shouldn't get fined.

How long is your DHs meet up? Odd they'd plan it in half term. Do his friends not have kids?

socks1107 · 04/08/2026 17:56

I’m in a similar situation only on a much smaller scale with something being booked and sorted and now an invite to something else has come in. My dh is end of cancelling what we have planned and prioritising someone else.
maybe both of us are being selfish. But we can do both separately which he’s refusing too.

Im afraid in your situation the kids half term holiday comes first. In my situation I will be putting my foot down just as he is doing and continuing with what I booked as there is absolutely no reason not too.

olafree · 04/08/2026 17:51

I’ve just been away with my dh. Our dc are all grown up. These years pass too quickly. He needs to be a dad and put them and their childhood first.

Aluna · 04/08/2026 17:47

So selfish. Tell him prioritise his kids over his mates. He can go away with his mates any time.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 04/08/2026 17:46

look at Canada for skiing at Easter- it’s often not that much more expensive than Europe if it doesn’t clash with local holidays. you are more likely to get good snow than in Europe at Easter.

I think I would be angry if he won’t even go back into the group chat and say that he didn’t realise it was school holidays that week, everywhere will be more expensive/harder to get bookings and full of kids. Would they consider re-voting to avoid the school holidays ?

Pinkissmart · 04/08/2026 17:41

So this is a group of men, likely many are dads, who are deliberately planning on being away during half term?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/08/2026 17:31

SALaw · 04/08/2026 14:05

Going away with pals in the school holidays when you have a young family is shit behaviour, whether or not there is an alternative family trip planned. Why is he leaving childcare and entertainment solely up to you?!

Exactly.

Surely the family trip comes first as there’s far more flex as to when he can go with mates?

Passaggressfedup · 04/08/2026 16:30

He's not prioritising, there are still options to discuss another time for the family holiday. March is a great time to go skiing.

Original poster
lavandermatcha · 04/08/2026 16:01

@Chilly80its an event so they had a choice of two weekends one in February the other date was in March. The majority voted for February. Most of the guys don’t have kids so it may not have crossed their mind which in fairness I can’t blame them. We tend not to do much over midterm. In any other year if there was nothing on I’d be ok with him being away as I usually book off work for midterm so I like being home with the kids

OP posts:
Chilly80 · 04/08/2026 15:32

Why on earth are they arranging a lads holiday in February half term

YorksMa · 04/08/2026 14:28

SALaw · 04/08/2026 14:05

Going away with pals in the school holidays when you have a young family is shit behaviour, whether or not there is an alternative family trip planned. Why is he leaving childcare and entertainment solely up to you?!

THIS

EllisIsEllis · 04/08/2026 14:26

Ggeordie · 04/08/2026 14:16

Go the first week of Easter holidays.

Ensure you are in a high resort such as Avoriaz (also it's close to Geneva so a short transfer).

It will be far, far cheaper which as you are all beginners is probably important.

The weather will tend to be better.

This. Thee are several high altitude ski resorts that are fine if you go early in the Easter holidays.

theneighboureatmysalad · 04/08/2026 14:19

Nothing has been booked, he just need to put on the group chat that he's unavailable that week, how hard can it be

You are not BU

Lomonald · 04/08/2026 14:19

lavandermatcha · 04/08/2026 13:45

Neither of us have booked. His plans are all group chat text. I did say to him ages ago I hope to find a deal for the week the kids are off in February but because nothing was concrete then he though I wasn’t bothered) taking the kids on my own is just not an option I’ve done it before for sun holidays and to Disney ect but I wouldn’t bring them skiing on my own. It would be too much and the ages of them they have different needs/wants

Edited

Fair, if his plans are fixed then maybe book it for next February i wouldn't take them out for his convenience.

Ggeordie · 04/08/2026 14:16

Go the first week of Easter holidays.

Ensure you are in a high resort such as Avoriaz (also it's close to Geneva so a short transfer).

It will be far, far cheaper which as you are all beginners is probably important.

The weather will tend to be better.

Pleasedontdoitagain · 04/08/2026 14:13

Agree with pp that his friends are more important to him than his family and you.

He may be making the right noises about wanting this skiing holiday but I wonder if he will keep on finding things he prefers to do with them instead.

JoshLymanSwagger · 04/08/2026 14:08

@lavandermatcha Book somewhere warm and family friendly for you and the kids - Dads treat😉
Who wants to roll around in the snow and get cold?!

eta - if he ends up coming home a little plastered - think crutches and a cast - "Oh dear, I'm off to work, bye-ee.." 😁

SALaw · 04/08/2026 14:05

Going away with pals in the school holidays when you have a young family is shit behaviour, whether or not there is an alternative family trip planned. Why is he leaving childcare and entertainment solely up to you?!