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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend making it about him

108 replies

PinkLipsticks · 04/08/2026 13:08

I am in my 40s, a lone mum with a 2yr relationship. At the moment I am doing lots of job interviews as my fixed-term contract is expiring. It is nerve-wracking to say the least and I am knackered and fraught, unable to truly relax on summer holiday with the kids.

Boyfriend (who doesn't live with me) has a stable, long term job he likes, but has kind of copied my recent activity and is now scouring lots of job sites for himself. He previously had no reason or wish to change, but instead of cooking me dinner and being my support during this time he is asking me to look over his CV and saying he's busy doing his LinkedIn and so on.

AIBU to think he should just stop and be stable for me these few weeks of intense interviews and stress? I feel upset and kind of like he is copying me and vying for the sympathy/attention,

YABU: No, he should be allowed to do his own time-consuming job search right now that needs engagement and support.
YANBU: He should stop and be supportive.

eta: And can anyone explain this behaviour?

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 04/08/2026 13:28

I agree with a previous poster that it's a form of attention seeking. Rather than do the normal thing, give you a bit of extra support when you're in a stressful time, he's manufacturing his own (fake) stressful situation to get extra support from you. It's performative and not a good look. He's not going to be supportive during hard times, he's going to be competitive and make things just that much harder. He centers himself and makes your necessary job search all about him. He'll do that with other things too.

Good luck in your job search, I hope you find one soon.

Malasana · 04/08/2026 13:20

Of course he can change jobs.

It’s also reasonable of him to ask you to check his CV. I don’t see an issue with that. He doesn’t live with you so why would you expect him to be making your tea for you?

I hope your job hunting goes well but I think the stress you’re feeling might be influencing your view.

StraightTalkingTina · 04/08/2026 13:18

He sounds like a bit of a knob to be honest.

you sure he’s the best you could find?

Aiming4Optimistic · 04/08/2026 13:17

Since he's in a stable career and has no need to frantically job hunt right now, I do agree that he should be supporting you, as your need is actually urgent.
Is this part of a wider issue where he makes everything about him? Have a think back and see if there's a pattern.
Thos would give me the ick tbh, I'd be wondering what would happen in other times of need, if I was dealing with a bereavement or illness and couldn't give him lots of attention.

Original poster
PinkLipsticks · 04/08/2026 13:14

@PoesieAndPeaches It is the kind of thing we usually do for each other, more like partners sharing an effort and support. But of course I will cook my own dinner, in reality he doesn't so this it was more an example I would do.

I'm just finding it weird as it feels like a copying thing. Like if I said I was ill and he said he was more ill.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkLipsticks · 04/08/2026 13:12

No, I'm not in recruitment or anything. He is talking about it all the time, his new job search. He can't come over later because he's doing it, etc. I just don't get it. We're happy otherwise and he likes his job.

OP posts:
PoesieAndPeaches · 04/08/2026 13:12

I wouldn't think that my boyfriend should be cooking my dinner while I was job hunting, no. I would just cook something easy for myself and my child.

And as you don't live together, you can just keep away from him for a few days by telling him how stressed and busy you are at the moment.

Good luck with finding a new job.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 04/08/2026 13:11

Surely he can do that in his time and not when he is seeing you.
he is attention seeking.

but ok you can look over his CV once and once only
are you in recruitment / the same industry as him otherwise why would you even look at it ?!