Page 9 | Brownies incident stopped me singing, starting to see how messed up it was.

Magenta82 · 2026-08-04T09:18:39+00:00

When I (44) was 8 I went to a big division meet up, not many people from my pack went. There was show put on by another group as part of their Entertainer badge, they played the spoons. Someone then described the award and I thought it sounded like fun. I went back and badgered the leaders until they agreed to do it. We did a big group show for all the parents and everyone had to do an individual piece as well, some at the show and some on a normal Brownies night. I chose to do it at the show. I decided to sing from my school hymn book (the blue one with the ugly kids on the front #4 Autumn Days), on my own, in front of everyone with no musical accompliment. The "judges" were 3 quite elderly ladies from some kind of group of retired Brownie leaders or something (trefoil?). They failed me. I didn't get the badge. Now admittedly I can't carry a tune in a bucket but still! I was basically put off singing for life, gave up trying, if I was so bad I couldn't get a brownie bade I must be the worst in the world. It seemed unjust at the time, but now I have a child in Squirrels I really just how fucked up it really was. AIBU

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/08/2026 16:29

Flowerheads · 04/08/2026 16:07

Well, what are the criteria for a badge -- just making an effort, or achieving an adequate level in whatever it is? If you'd done a cookery badge and made something inedible, or that made people sick, would you still have got the badge?

Depends. They had tester cards/sheets with the criteria, so the decision might have been that she hadn't completed the task to an acceptable standard, including completing 3 other parts of a performance, making a programme and tidying up afterwards without being told she had to.

ETA: it may not have been the singing that prevented the award, it could have been behaviour through the course of the meeting (as those Trefoil Guild ladies saw everything).

Besidemyselfwithworry · 04/08/2026 16:09

mtobrokeme · 04/08/2026 10:25

What a set of absolute bitches!

exactly I hope they are all rotting in hell that’s down right nasty!

Flowerheads · 04/08/2026 16:07

Well, what are the criteria for a badge -- just making an effort, or achieving an adequate level in whatever it is? If you'd done a cookery badge and made something inedible, or that made people sick, would you still have got the badge?

ShetlandishMum · 04/08/2026 16:06

Skippyasyermuni · 04/08/2026 10:26

But that’s the same as all the badges - you actually had to do the work to learn the skill, and be competent in it. You weren’t a singer, and sounds like you didn’t learn how to hit the notes, so… you don’t get the badge. The entertainer badge didn’t need to be singing; you should have learned a skill you could do competently.

I wouldn’t say it that way to an 8 year old obviously, but you’re in your 40s so it’s ok to say it bluntly. Loads of kids don’t achieve brownie badges because they didn’t learn the skill. There was a thread on here last year from a mum really angry that her daughter didn’t get the badge after failing to do the thing competently; she wanted it to be awarded for participating and she was told by almost every poster that she was being unreasonable because you don’t get the badge if you can’t do the skill.

Your parents or brownies leaders should have helped you with the badge by helping you find something you could do confidently and well, rather than let you try at singing when it wasn’t really a natural talent for you.

It is upsetting. But if it’s like any other badge, you need to be able to do it well to achieve the badge. Entertaining is a skill like any other; someone should have used it as a chance to help you learn something new.

Edited

In our Girl Guide pack you would have earned the bagde 100% for the effort! We don't fail 8 yo girls trying their best. It's mean!

B9waiting · 04/08/2026 16:03

Skippyasyermuni · 04/08/2026 10:26

But that’s the same as all the badges - you actually had to do the work to learn the skill, and be competent in it. You weren’t a singer, and sounds like you didn’t learn how to hit the notes, so… you don’t get the badge. The entertainer badge didn’t need to be singing; you should have learned a skill you could do competently.

I wouldn’t say it that way to an 8 year old obviously, but you’re in your 40s so it’s ok to say it bluntly. Loads of kids don’t achieve brownie badges because they didn’t learn the skill. There was a thread on here last year from a mum really angry that her daughter didn’t get the badge after failing to do the thing competently; she wanted it to be awarded for participating and she was told by almost every poster that she was being unreasonable because you don’t get the badge if you can’t do the skill.

Your parents or brownies leaders should have helped you with the badge by helping you find something you could do confidently and well, rather than let you try at singing when it wasn’t really a natural talent for you.

It is upsetting. But if it’s like any other badge, you need to be able to do it well to achieve the badge. Entertaining is a skill like any other; someone should have used it as a chance to help you learn something new.

Edited

This!

Shinyhappyapple · 04/08/2026 15:31

My head teacher told me to mine in a school performance when I was in primary school . Now, my singing isn’t the best but I think it might be better if I felt more confident.

FedUpCelery · 04/08/2026 15:25

Great choice of song op!
I hope you sing now.

VanessaFence · 04/08/2026 15:24

This brought back memories of being in music lessons and the teacher going around the class making everyone sing happy birthday so she could decide if they could sing in the lessons or if they had to mime. Even 10 year old me knew that was cruel!

These things do really stay with you. I remember a year 7 drama lesson where we had to do improv and I was picked to go next. I nervously stood up, said a couple of sentences and was told "no, no stop" by the teacher. I sat down completely mortified and never participated in anything drama-related again.

Amberlynnswashcloth · 04/08/2026 15:09

Age 8, I wasn't allowed to take ballet classes at the church hall because the teacher said I wasn't elegant and graceful enough! That one really hurt my confidence.

LilyOfTheValley25 · 04/08/2026 15:08

IF i had been the tester. I would have encouraged you to find a turn thst you were genuinely proficient st and retested you
. Nothing good accrues in the long term from settling low expectations and patronising kids. They need to be shown how to grow!

GeneralWaste · 04/08/2026 15:03

Gosh this resonates, as with many others it seems. I’m in my 60’s and never sing in front of others. My music teacher in primary made us all do auditions for an inter school singing competition. Mine was 3 Blind Mice. I was the only one to fail and the ENTIRE class had a day out at the competition leaving just me behind. Looking back that was incredibly cruel. I’ve always been mindful never to criticise the DC in that way. These things stay with you.

AprilMizzel · 04/08/2026 15:02

You could only get that badge in my group if you did the gang show -- and my brown owl wouldn't even let me try for that - wasn't my thing apparently. I was in an orchestra so did performances - so not sure what the issue was despite being quiet.

DD1 was told similar about acting by her primary school though not quite as bluntly and publically. She found other routes in via choir and dance to perform then when she changed school got leading part in play did well and later did Drama GCSE and got a high grade.

Sometimes I think it's how these things are handled - perhaps they could have suggested trying next year for OP if they had to fail rather than putting her off for years.

Sharptonguedwoman · 04/08/2026 15:01

ApricotTulip · 04/08/2026 11:15

You're overthinking the importance of a brownie badge for an 8 year old who put the effort in. It's not going to give her an unfair advantage when applying for jobs.

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All power to the 8 yr old and the important part is that she enjoys whatever it is. Of course it's not going to harm career chances.
I do think there's a problem with handing out badges for 'having a go' though. That's an effort badge, not being able to identify garden birds or bake a cake or whatever.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 04/08/2026 15:01

Magenta82 · 04/08/2026 14:36

Fair point it was badly worded, it was a badly reproduced blue monstrosity, it was an ugly picture of kids, not a picture of ugly kids.

Apologies for any hurt feelings.

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To be fair, nobody looks at their best when covered in a blue tinge filter.

Brownies incident stopped me singing, starting to see how messed up it was.

Chilly80 · 04/08/2026 15:01

When I tried out for choir I was the only child not allowed to join

LilyOfTheValley25 · 04/08/2026 14:55

Latenightreader · 04/08/2026 12:44

My brownie pack failed our agility badge en masse. We completed one of the tasks but leapfrogging ended up as a pile of brownies splattered across the playing field. I wonder whether they had already bought the badges and were able to send them back...

Ooh was that in the late 70s in a village that begins with B?
This thread put me in mind of the exact same experience. It was fair enough though in my opinion because the criteria were very black snd white.

Sharptonguedwoman · 04/08/2026 14:52

Helpwithdivorce · 04/08/2026 14:41

It’s not about being able to do any ‘thing’ it’s about learning and taking part in whatever activities are on. There is no test to pass. Nothing they must become competent in. This is not school. They don’t fail their baking badge because their cake was shit. Turning up and having a go is enough. As it should be. This isn’t a pass or fail qualification. It’s a fun after school club

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Suddenly I feel terribly old. Surely a baking badge means being able to turn out half a dozen edible fairy cakes or similar? Of course it should be fun but where's the challenge? Where are the skills? Where's the achievement?

court18 · 04/08/2026 14:52

If I got my home entertaining badge for fish paste sandwiches you deserved it for a less than perfect crack at a song!
I agree with pp - wicked old trouts they were!

Dreamcatcherat50 · 04/08/2026 14:44

OP that song was my favourite! Singing it in assembly made me so happy. Bloody well done to 8 year old you for having the guts to get up and perform it.

My Brown Owl was a knob head too. Its a generational thing I think.

What about some singing lessons to help you find your voice and move past that experience?

Helpwithdivorce · 04/08/2026 14:41

Sharptonguedwoman · 04/08/2026 13:16

Pardon what? You can't do the thing but you get the badge? What's the point? if my DD got a badge for swimming a width at the pool, I'd expect her to be able to swim it. Also if a child had tried and learned a skill, they get the same result as a child who showed up?

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It’s not about being able to do any ‘thing’ it’s about learning and taking part in whatever activities are on. There is no test to pass. Nothing they must become competent in. This is not school. They don’t fail their baking badge because their cake was shit. Turning up and having a go is enough. As it should be. This isn’t a pass or fail qualification. It’s a fun after school club

Original poster

Magenta82 · 04/08/2026 14:36

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 04/08/2026 12:35

Yes, that part stood out to me as well. The Brownie leaders may well have been mean, but that was deliberately nasty - there wasn't even a need for an adjective to describe them at all: just 'the blue hymn book with the kids on it' would have been fine.

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Fair point it was badly worded, it was a badly reproduced blue monstrosity, it was an ugly picture of kids, not a picture of ugly kids.

Apologies for any hurt feelings.

OP posts:

hellisemptyandallthedevilsarehere · 04/08/2026 14:29

Solidarity! Singing trauma from primary school when I was sat beside someone to hear the tune. Mortified and sang v quietly since then. And I love singing.

theodroa · 04/08/2026 14:28

LauritaEvita · 04/08/2026 14:25

Shocked by the ‘ugly kids’ comment, esp on a post lamenting about adults judging kids harshly. I prob spent hours in total staring at that hymn book cover as would have a copy on my lap during assembly every morning. In my childhood innocence, it would never have occurred to me to judge their attractiveness.

IKR

LauritaEvita · 04/08/2026 14:25

Shocked by the ‘ugly kids’ comment, esp on a post lamenting about adults judging kids harshly. I prob spent hours in total staring at that hymn book cover as would have a copy on my lap during assembly every morning. In my childhood innocence, it would never have occurred to me to judge their attractiveness.

northernheathers · 04/08/2026 14:22

You might have been cr*p at singing but I bet it was entertaining so you should have got the badge 😄