Brownies incident stopped me singing, starting to see how messed up it was.

I think the issue is that children now are praised for showing up - good for confidence until someone else shows up and tells them the truth, even constructively, then it’s devastating.

I sometimes think the insistence on kindness that seems to be a thing now is actually more harmful as it’s a shock to children to find that not everyone will applaud their existence and that the world values achievement rather than effort.

But then I grew up in the 70s and 80s where criticism and praise were doled out realistically.

It's really sad how a single humiliating experience in childhood can have such a lasting impact on confidence and self-expression. Adults working with children often don't realize that an offhand comment or public criticism can stay with someone for years. Stories like this are a good reminder that encouragement is far more powerful than embarrassment, especially when children are trying something they enjoy.
<a href="https://www.myoldnest.com/">My Old Nest</a>

Exactly. I have seen young people leaving school and starting work and they are so used to having effusive praise for putting in the effort that they lose sight of the fact that it is irrelevant and that only results matter.

Kids can understand that there are things they may be good at and things they may not be good at. But giving them badges because they have bothered to turn up isn’t the way forward.

OP says that she sang something from her school hymn book and sang it badly. She doesn't suggest that she put effort into choosing an entertaining piece suited to the audience, practised it, got feedback and then improved before performing it in public. If you just go on stage and sing a hymn you've sung in school assembly a couple of times, and you sing it badly, you don't deserve a badge.
If you want effort badges, regardless of achievement, then offer effort badges rather than achievement badges. But I suspect the OP didn't actually put much effort in anyway. And she says that she had no idea that it was possible not to pass and get a badge. So what were the judges for, then? This was a pass or fail situation, and the whole point of judges being there was for them to decide whether to pass or fail.
If everyone always passes, people won't put an effort in and the whole thing becomes about encouraging entitlement and mediocrity, rather than encouraging effort and the gaining of skills. Gaining skills is actually something worth encouraging, even at age 8.

But if the result isn’t important, how do you judge how much effort people put in?

And at what age does it become clear that, out in the big bad world, effort is meaningless? If you are at work and have tried your hardest to complete a project but haven’t managed to finish it, is your boss going to be grateful for the effort?

It is actual results that matter as that can be judged by a set standard.

A child may be naturally talented at singing and not have made much of an effort, but does a good job and earns the badge.

Another child may have tried and tried to bake cakes but they never turn out well - regardless of the effort, they haven’t baked an edible set of cakes so why would they get the award?

Why so defensive?

I think those saying children should only get the badge when they've achieved the 'thing' are missing the point. The achievement is the effort. Some will never be able to sing beautifully, or bake a decent cake, or play chess (me), but putting in the effort and genuinely trying your best and doing as well as you possibly could do, is what they are rewarding. If someone just rocks up without practicing and sings a chorus without giving a shit, then no, clearly they won't get the badge. But the efforts and doing your best is what gets you the badge....

And I got my chess badge! 🎉 I'm not an amazing chess player, but I taught myself the moves and the rules, and though I lost, the effort of learning a new skill was rewarded. Early 1990s.

This thread has opened the floodgates regarding Brownie induced psychological trauma. Those wounds run deep.

It’s no skin off your nose, is it? It’s up to the OP, nothing to do with anyone else.

I've just remembered there were a few Brownies in my Pack who did fail a cookery badge because even with adult supervision the results were a mess. But Brown Owl was very positive about it. She praised the girls for doing their best, asked what they'd do differently next time, and told them to have another go using the knowledge they'd learned from the failed attempt. They got it the next week.

I totally agree with this. Otherwise, children are just encouraged not to work hard at anything, not to keep going until they've succeeded at something (eg a half decent cake), but to expect congratulations and a reward if they "have a go" at something for 5 minutes. It's teaching mediocrity. That's not good for the child or for society. And 8 isn't that young either. Some children are professional choristers singing complex music daily in front of hundreds of people at the age of 8.

So did you turn an excellent choir which sang on the BBC into a choir with a member who sang out of tune? Would that be a good move do you think?

Solidarity OP. I had a similar drama over the collectors badge at Brownies. I had to visit some woman in The next estate over and show and tell my postcard collection. She failed me because they were all of Butlins but I’d never been there (all were sent to me by my aunt and uncle who did a lot of Butlining) so I couldn’t tell the story of the postcard.
The fucking point of a postcard is they are sent to you by other people surely. Brown Owl capitulated but sent me back the next week with my badge collection and I bored her senseless with a story for each one.
Got that MF badge.

I was told to mouth the words at about the age of 5 - it was fair enough I guess as I still can’t sing for shit!

Like i said in my previous post, perhaps it’s because I am ND (I didn’t believe in Santa etc) but isn’t someone sending a badge through kindness that the person didn’t strictly earn is just underlining that they didn’t do well enough to earn it?

Actually the kid with DS in our guide troop won every competition by default. There wasn’t the same attitude towards disabilities then but everyone understood that she would win.

But if badges are just for turning up then how are they an achievement? Maybe it’s my NT brain but I knew when I had done something well or not, and if I had been awarded a badge when I hadn’t done well, it would have felt worthless.

So while the child is overjoyed that they have achieved their badge, surely at some point they realise that it’s worthless because they did burn the cakes or were bad at singing or whatever? Or do they float through life just thinking they are good at these things?

I’m sorry those mean spirited twats knocked your confidence.

There’s a children’s book called Henry’s Song that I read as an adult, which made me stop miming. Now I belt songs out with gusto.

I remember getting bollocked at Brownies for not knowing the words to the national anthem. The Brown Owl made me learn the words and sing it o front of everyone the following week. You've just reminded me why I fucking hated the Brownies. Im also now a staunch republican.

That is so mean! It is a Brownies Entertainer badge, not an ABRSM Grade 8!

Don’t let that negative experience put you off. Singing is great fun and brilliant for your mental health! See if you can find a friendly, non-auditioning choir near you and finally put those demons to rest 🙂

Remember: “The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.”

Do you know something similar happened to me when I was about that age. I went to an event with my school, it was like a radio station event at a big exhibition space. My friends and I were dancing and the teacher was furious and gave us a right telling off and I remember feeling so embarrassed and humiliated. I cant remember what she actually said, just how she made me feel like I was a total moron, like I was an embarrassing idiot. She was a horrible teacher and once screamed at me so much that I nearly wet myself!

Anyway I was put off dancing after that and Ive never danced since as I seemed to have developed an anxiety about it.

Ive always stayed seated at any parties since, even as a teen and an adult as Ive always been too embarrassed and think I'd make a fool of myself!

Terrible how these experiences can dent confidence for years to come. Maybe you should join a womens social choir like rock choir or singergie to build some confidence. I'm not sure what i could do though, ive never seen adult social dance group except for line dancing which i have considered but Im not sure at all 🫣

I remember failing my Girl Guide dance badge in 1982 as my freestyle to Chariots of Fire didnt pass muster when most others on the pack did. I eventually got over the shame and disappointment but never wanted to watch the film.

I’ll buy the badge and send it to the OP if she wants to PM me with her address. That story made me sad 😢

The headmistress in my junior school did this. We were practicing for an assembly and she loudly told me I was putting everyone else off and to just mouth the words.

YADBU to let this single bad experience still decide your behaviour and choices decades later.