AIBU to expect DH to use annual leave in the holidays

She doesn’t get lots of Holiday to herself as she is caring for her children whilst not working. That is the point. Her husband is not sharing the load and just assuming as she is not in work then she can care for their children with zero time for herself. That does not sound fair. If he has fifteen days left he should use some to spend with his children or give his wife some time to herself.

He should certainly be taking the vast majority of his leave during school holidays for family time as well.

Of course it is a massive perk, like I said, part of the reason I chose to retrain as an adult before I started a family. It’s a massive perk for my husband too. Most of my friends have to use loads of the AL to share the 6 weeks between both parents. My parents did too, although my lovely nan helped. I get that. I’m trying to say, in that instance then, he’s lucky as am I, but he takes issue using 5 days of his AL to care for our children when I use all of mine so that he can work, but he’s not happy to reciprocate when I work.

FWIW, because I’m not full time, and I don’t work Mondays, I actually only get 3 more days off per year than he does. The beauty of my role is it’s very flexible, and I’m not for one minute suggesting it’s not a perk. I’m saying, it shouldn’t be abused. I’m not asking him for AL to cover personal days. If I was not a teacher, he’d be using way more than 18% of his AL to care for his children. As it stands, other than the odd day from my dad, I use 100% of mine.

Crikey! with so many weeks unpaid have you thought about getting a second job?

Having such long holidays, and the ability to look after your kids in the holidays is massive perk of teaching.

The vast majority of parents (unless separated) use all of their holiday entitlement on childcare. That applies whether a teacher or an office worker.

He gets to use his how he likes, and he gets around the same as I do.

So, as a family, we are luckier than many parents in that I don’t have to pay childcare in the summer holidays. One of the reasons I chose teaching, I wanted a family.

I do however have a job, and it’s very strict with time off due to ‘13 weeks holiday’ you say we get. Ahem all but 28 days unpaid I also have to be at work on teacher training days and I can’t bring my kids along, so why can’t he be expected to use a handful of days to look after HIS children when I use all 13 weeks (not 13 weeks, but quoting you) on childcare.

This 'handful of days' the equivalent of about 20% of his annual leave?

How trivial a handful of days is when you've got 13 weeks. How precious those few days are when you've got less than half that leave.

Teacher here too, my husband is the same. He moans when I ask him to cover a handful of training days too.
great, hands on dad, but relies on me too much.

my sister’s F colleague (also teachers) is divorced and went 50/50 at his request. He expects her to cover all summer holidays - she was like no way and court backed her. He has to pay childcare or find care in holidays while she’s off. I don’t blame her.

I’d hate that for my kids but I’ve let my husband know how easy he has it!

Lots of people have tricky jobs. Most don't get any alone time in the holidays. Teaching isn't some exception 🙄.

You will burn out if you don’t get some alone time. People who have never worked in schools simply don’t understand the way it is and think it’s easy because they went to school.

Can you enlist grandparents at all? Can you book some time at weekend so he is home and can do parenting? And just go visit a friend or family for the weekend to have some space to decompress.

Yeah this absolutely wouldn't fly.

You're not being unreasonable at all. Aside from anything else, why would he not want any time of with you and the kids over the holidays? We always have 2 weeks together.

I’d already agreed that her DH should want to spend his leave with his family but it is fair that the OP has the odd day of time to herself too.

That's what all teachers have.
Most people want to spend time with their children as her dh should be doing.

Surely as a parent, all his annual leave should be taken when his kids are on school holidays.

he has less holiday than you so it needs to all be organised beginning of the year by a percentage base system. So he looks after poorly kids here and there when he can so has to save leave for that, has a weeks holiday with you all (he’s done that) and a short family break. The rest is his, but it would be normal for you to know how he’s used it and doing what. for example a long weekend away camping and another long weekend doing repairs on the house, that sort of thing.

also the thing that would help you the most so you get a decent break from children would be he has the kids by himself for one weekend a month. He doesn’t lose any annual leave and so you can get out a bit and have a break.

OP should book the kids into holiday club for a few sessions in the holiday to get a proper break too. 6 weeks parenting with no breaks is quite full on.

It is definitely odd to take a day off without telling your spouse. Do you not talk about your days or plans? I can't fathom not knowing that my husband has a day off.

Have you asked him how many days he has, so you can help plan for the rest of the year in a way that works for the whole family?

Ive never heard someone make up such utter rubbish to excuse making so many assumptions and trying to sell it under the guise of supreme intelligence is hilarious. Its very telling though.

I don’t work and Dh is self employed. He doesn’t technically even get any AL. He’s still taking at least a week, possibly 2 off this summer. Mostly because he doesn’t want to work every day. He wants to do some stuff with the kids. But also he recognises that it’s not just my responsibility because I’m not working right now.

most parents don’t have any AL leave them ‘for them’. Only now mine are all adults I can use my AL to benefit myself.

None left for him? Selfish fucker.

I find it absolutely mind blowing that he takes days of AL and doesn’t tell the OP. That is so strange to me.

Quite, bless you. Presumably you've never passed a verbal reasoning test in your life!

I'm hiding this thread now, as it's literally a written example of why you shouldn't argue with stupid. If you don't have the reasoning skills, no amount of me explaining will help you get it.

We aren't teachers but we split the childcare equally.

Summer hols this year looks like this for us:

Weeks 1 & 2- both off (holiday)
Week 3 - holiday club/grandparents
Weeks 4 & 5 - husband 6 days across the 2 weeks, grandparents others days
Week 6 - me full week

It is ridiculous that your husband is complaining about one day. Why doesn't he want to spend time with the children on his own?

Bless

It's called critical thinking, being able to make logical deductions based on the partial information given. But don't worry about it, you're clearly not going to get it.