Page 5 | AIBU to still feel put off after his hurtful blowjob comment?

nilbyemouth · 2026-08-03T22:16:35+00:00

Me and my partner have a great relationship but both struggle with anxiety and it sometimes affects our sex life. We’ve been together almost 20 years. We had a rough patch (relationship in general) a couple of years ago and would argue every week. In the middle of one of these arguments, out of nowhere (at least I felt like it was out of nowhere) he said something to the effect of “you’ve not given me a blowjob for a decade”. Obviously it really pissed me off because it was not even remotely true and when I’ve tried to be a spicy with him he often gets awkward about it. He says he gets anxious and for a long time he’s told me when I demand too much from him sex-wise it gives him performance anxiety. So it pissed me off even more that he would make a comment like that which obviously would lead to performance anxiety for me. I told him to take the comment back, which he did. But to the damage was done, it completely put me off oral. Haven’t done it since, almost two years I think, but honestly can’t remember… Thoughts? Advice on how to get past this if you have any?

HollyhocksandPeons · 04/08/2026 00:08

GourmetGardener · 03/08/2026 23:32

Personally can't stand giving oral or receiving it tbh. The thought of putting it in my mouth makes me want to heave! Fortunately my dp doesn't enjoy giving it either so we don't really bother. Lots of other fun to be had where you are both enjoying it!

But that is because you are NORMAL.

HundredMilesAnHour · 03/08/2026 23:59

Can you not sit down and have a conversation with him? Explain that you felt hurt but that you want to resolve things together and move forward.

2 years is far too long for this to be festering. Anxiety or not, you both need to have a grown-up conversation and work things out between you.

Original poster

nilbyemouth · 03/08/2026 23:55

Fortnightly · 03/08/2026 23:53

I think you’re blowing (no pun intended 😂) it out of proportion.

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🤣🤣

OP posts:

Fortnightly · 03/08/2026 23:53

nilbyemouth · 03/08/2026 23:43

I was hurt by his comment - lie or exaggeration whatever you want to call it - so it was hurtful. The reason I was hurt by it was because he knows I have anxiety and he gets performance anxiety himself. I’ve explained all this in the OP.

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I think you’re blowing (no pun intended 😂) it out of proportion.

Original poster

nilbyemouth · 03/08/2026 23:50

pikkumyy77 · 03/08/2026 23:44

Wow! What an odd and unresponsive set of answers. The issue isn’t exactly the blow jobs but that sex with him is a chore—too “spicy “ snd its your fault he’s anxious. Not oral exactly when he wants? Its your fault and he all bit calls you too lazy or too indifferent to service him. Snd I use this term advisedly. You had been giving him iral but he complained that this form of pleasure in which he does nothing for you is what he wants snd he deserves more of.

How much thought does he give to your sexual pleasure these days?

Thanks for actually reading the whole OP and for offering a helpful answer.

He does enjoy giving me oral but to be honest since I’ve got this mental block stopping me from “returning the favour” at the moment, I can’t really enjoy it when he does it to me… I stop him from doing it if he tries or I just lie there (perform) feeling a bit stressed and uncomfortable (waiting for us to move on from that part of it so it can be mutually enjoyable).

OP posts:

pikkumyy77 · 03/08/2026 23:44

Wow! What an odd and unresponsive set of answers. The issue isn’t exactly the blow jobs but that sex with him is a chore—too “spicy “ snd its your fault he’s anxious. Not oral exactly when he wants? Its your fault and he all bit calls you too lazy or too indifferent to service him. Snd I use this term advisedly. You had been giving him iral but he complained that this form of pleasure in which he does nothing for you is what he wants snd he deserves more of.

How much thought does he give to your sexual pleasure these days?

dottydaily · 03/08/2026 23:43

he exaggerated in an arguement,we all do it.no big deal.move on if your in a generally happy relationship.

Original poster

nilbyemouth · 03/08/2026 23:43

Fortnightly · 03/08/2026 23:36

I can see if it was a lie it would be hurtful but you can just call him out on this.

Getting it elsewhere and comparing, is your mind playing tricks on you. There’s nothing in his comment to suggest this.

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I was hurt by his comment - lie or exaggeration whatever you want to call it - so it was hurtful. The reason I was hurt by it was because he knows I have anxiety and he gets performance anxiety himself. I’ve explained all this in the OP.

OP posts:

Fortnightly · 03/08/2026 23:37

GourmetGardener · 03/08/2026 23:32

Personally can't stand giving oral or receiving it tbh. The thought of putting it in my mouth makes me want to heave! Fortunately my dp doesn't enjoy giving it either so we don't really bother. Lots of other fun to be had where you are both enjoying it!

Snap!

Fortnightly · 03/08/2026 23:36

nilbyemouth · 03/08/2026 23:27

But… he was getting it… quite often too, but admittedly not daily. For a couple of weeks after he said this it made me wonder whether he was getting it elsewhere and was comparing it. It really messed with my head so it was definitely hurtful - it was a lie.

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I can see if it was a lie it would be hurtful but you can just call him out on this.

Getting it elsewhere and comparing, is your mind playing tricks on you. There’s nothing in his comment to suggest this.

GourmetGardener · 03/08/2026 23:32

Personally can't stand giving oral or receiving it tbh. The thought of putting it in my mouth makes me want to heave! Fortunately my dp doesn't enjoy giving it either so we don't really bother. Lots of other fun to be had where you are both enjoying it!

Original poster

nilbyemouth · 03/08/2026 23:30

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/08/2026 23:27

He complained he hadn’t a blow job in a decade, you thought he was lying, so you haven’t done it for two years and now you’re thinking about it? It doesn’t sound a terribly happy relationship. I don’t think it was a hurtful comment but you’ve sort of proved his point haven’t you?

“you thought he was lying”

I knew he was lying because I had been giving him blowjobs…

He knew he was lying because he had been receiving them.

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Boreded · 03/08/2026 23:28

He exaggerated, that’s different from lying.

have you ever said you were starving when you were hungry.

That the pain was unbearable yet you were able to deal with it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/08/2026 23:27

He complained he hadn’t a blow job in a decade, you thought he was lying, so you haven’t done it for two years and now you’re thinking about it? It doesn’t sound a terribly happy relationship. I don’t think it was a hurtful comment but you’ve sort of proved his point haven’t you?

Original poster

nilbyemouth · 03/08/2026 23:27

Fortnightly · 03/08/2026 23:20

It wasn’t really a hurtful comment. A hurtful comment would have been something like ‘and you’re rubbish at giving blow jobs’. His implied the opposite to this, and just a moan that he wasn’t getting any.

Edited

But… he was getting it… quite often too, but admittedly not daily. For a couple of weeks after he said this it made me wonder whether he was getting it elsewhere and was comparing it. It really messed with my head so it was definitely hurtful - it was a lie.

OP posts:

Fortnightly · 03/08/2026 23:20

It wasn’t really a hurtful comment. A hurtful comment would have been something like ‘and you’re rubbish at giving blow jobs’. His implied the opposite to this, and just a moan that he wasn’t getting any.