AIBU to still feel put off after his hurtful blowjob comment?

The one I asked of you lovely..."Would you love your oral sex as much if you knew your partner didn't want to do it?"

What question did you ask me lovey that I didn’t answer?!

Nobody asked me anything.

I was responding as a casual observer of your exchange with @mtobrokeme

@mtobrokeme and @Isittimeformynapyet with words like batshit and mental as your responses I think you must be taking lessons from the orange man in deflection and avoiding answering anything you can't.

Has he not asked for one in two years?

If he has what happened?

If he hasn't, surely that implies that he knew how much the comment upset you and is also just burying his head in the sand and almost punishing himself rather than discuss something that might be painful in the short term but beneficial in the long term.

She can’t! But I am so looking forward to seeing her try!

As you thought? It was a totally mental conclusion (the Trump thing), but you seem to think you've proved it somehow with that winky face. Care to explain?

@mtobrokeme as I thought 😉

That is genuinely the most batshit response I have read on Mumsnet! I commend you for it! I really do because how you’ve managed to bring Donald Trump into a disagreement about how I would have handled a comment about a blow job is absolutely amazing! Keep being you, you’re incredible! 🤣🤣🤣

I think you could both do with some therapy for your anxiety. You shouldn't be holding on to a comment that the majority of people would have forgotten about within an hour. He shouldn't be anxious with a partner of 20 years.

Good for you, maybe you both like pegging too, doesn't mean you have a great sex life and the rest of us don't. The main thing is you and your partner are both happy and respectful and not guilt-tripping the other person to do something they don't feel like.

Well if you haven't got the emotional intelligence to work it out I won't waste my breath explaining it to you 🥴 No empathy at all. Of course it's ALL the way she's taken it, nothing to do with his lack of tact. Let me guess you're a Trump supporter too 😄🤭

Yes, if that’s what she enjoys and what the subject of conversation with her friends was about! But, he didn’t make an unkind comment, he simply acknowledged that he enjoys a blowjob, she’s taken it as being unkind. Why shouldn’t he, or she, admit their feelings on something when discussing that very subject matter.

Wow, I can’t imagine a sex life without mutual oral stimulation tbh, for DP and I it’s an absolutely integral part of sex, but each to their own I guess.

The thing is, if an issue is unresolved, it might as well have happened this morning. The passage of time alone is not enough to wipe it out. OP, go to counseling yourself and ask for guidance on how to talk to him in a way that assures him you are in this together and that doesn’t immediately make him defensive and angry. There are ways to do that. Ignore posters who said it was a joke, trivial, not hurtful. If what he said is still causing you anguish 2 years later, it was and is hurtful. For the two of you to truly be close again, you both will need to work through it.

Why on earth are you with him??

It was not innocuous. It was intended to hurt and it did. He is experiencing the consequences.

I’d be more hurt that it was completely untrue.

I said something in the same vein to DP, we don’t live together and if we only see each other once a week he may not give oral every time we see each other but I look forward to that part. I said “you never give me oral anymore” which was completely untrue. Just because he hasn’t for two weeks doesn’t mean he never does and he got his back up about it. Rightly so. This is just the same thing but the other way round. I shouldn’t have said it but it did really feel like I never get it anymore! And to be honest it made him anxious and that he HAD to do it. That’s not the case ever and I don’t want to make him feel like he HAS to do anything. I felt quite bad after he told me how it made him feel. Maybe tell your DH how it made you feel? You’re allowed feelings!!

Relationships and even just sex shouldn't be this complicated and fraught with anxiety top trumps. Is it really a relationship you want to stay in?

She could also have responded she loves hard all night sex knowing fully well he isn't able to fulfil this due to his performance anxiety. Would that be a kind comment for her to make?

I don’t get why you found this comment hurtful or why you have sulked so much that you have punished him by not doing it for two years.
This is not healthy OP and you couldn’t really blame him for going elsewhere, could you? Not really, not rationally, based on what you’ve said here?

Why not just make things up, talk things through, draw a line under it and move forward? Or call it a day and move on? But sulking and punishing your partner won’t make you happy.

Where has she said he’s bullying her into it? He is allowed to respond to a conversation started by someone else. He is allowed to say he enjoys something when that’s the case regardless of whether they’re having it or not! He didn’t bring it up!