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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just made me a dinner that he knows I don’t like

133 replies

Oystersinmypocket · 03/08/2026 19:16

Looking for a bit of perspective on this DH has just made me dinner after I came in from work, he does very little cooking so I’m very grateful of that.

He told me he was doing fish cakes and salad, just sat down and started eating and I said are they salmon fish cakes, he said yea, I said to him I don’t like salmon, you know I don’t, we’ve been together 20 years and I just don’t like it.
He said to me well you had it the other week, I didn’t, it was sea bass at a restaurant and he had the same thing!
It just feels like he doesn’t think and all I do is think of the family, I feel exhausted with it and it’s probably colouring my view of the situation but AIBU to feel a bit out out?

OP posts:
thestudio · 03/08/2026 22:57

As I said in a thread yesterday (sorry) this ain’t nothing.

men’s refusal to see that women deserve a sense of being domestically cared for is part of an overall pattern of exploitation that is so widespread that we barely notice it - it’s just the air that we breathe.

Happyjoe · 03/08/2026 22:53

I just think some men are lazy and don't care enough to take note of the small stuff. Does it make us feel valued? No, not much.

Sweetandsaltycaroline · 03/08/2026 22:51

DH loves cooking. He is very unfussy/more adventurous around food than either me or DC. He sometimes "pollutes" a meal by trying to sneak in an ingredient that none of us like....and then when we ask whether it has got something else in it, he'll be coy about it or say no....and then later "confess" that he actually put in x and none of us noticed! Except we all did!

DD (very fussy) used to eat Thai red curry from a jar. One day DH added loads of vegetables to the sauce so it was really thick...and not really like a sauce. Shes never eaten it since! 🙄

Anyahyacinth · 03/08/2026 22:34

YourBra · 03/08/2026 21:28

Fish is fish. Eat what he made.

That’s such an odd thing to say… there are enormous differences…tuna and salmon, cod….all very very different

RabbitRunRabbit · 03/08/2026 22:26

DP used to add mushrooms to everything knowing I hated them. Told me to pick them out! Last time he did this I lost my shit, refused to eat the meal. Told him next time I was cooking I’ll shove in loads of fresh chillies (which I love)….he can pick those out!! He now portions out the meals before adding mushrooms to his. It’s not difficult to remember what someone likes/dislikes, especially after 20 years!

YoQuieroVino · 03/08/2026 22:22

YourBra · 03/08/2026 22:03

If you don't like it, just dab it in whatever sauce you want. Like just dab it in hot sauce and eat. Be grateful there's food on the plate.

Salmon in sauce is still salmon.

Sidebeforeself · 03/08/2026 22:21

YourBra · 03/08/2026 22:03

If you don't like it, just dab it in whatever sauce you want. Like just dab it in hot sauce and eat. Be grateful there's food on the plate.

Do you want custard with your fun sponge?

YourBra · 03/08/2026 22:03

If you don't like it, just dab it in whatever sauce you want. Like just dab it in hot sauce and eat. Be grateful there's food on the plate.

Malinia · 03/08/2026 21:50

YourBra · 03/08/2026 21:28

Fish is fish. Eat what he made.

First no it isn't

Second, I doubt he made anything. Sounds like he put ready made stuff in the oven, watch is barely cooking and definitely isn't "making" anything.

Yanbu op I would be pissed off if DH cooked me something he knows I don't like.

JesseDavisGonnaHangOnInThereNSoul · 03/08/2026 21:46

YoQuieroVino · 03/08/2026 21:40

No it isn’t 🙄. That’s what my 7 year old thinks. Anyone with actual tastebuds knows it’s not true.

Show quote history

Do you think your bra could have been a dinner lady in the 70s.

ZeldaFighter · 03/08/2026 21:43

Dancer48 · 03/08/2026 21:36

I get so tired of trying to cater for everyone's fussiness and just cook what I want sometimes. They can eat it or cook themselves. E.g. dd eats roast potatoes but not mash, ds eats mash but not roast. They both eat Spaghetti bol but dh doesn't like it. There's only a handful of stuff that everyone will eat

Not really relevant but just to say same here. I always joke it's like a logic problem or a maths exam question - 3 children all need to eat at least 1 vegetable. A will eat peas, carrots and broccoli (good boy, mummy's favourite 😉) but B will only eat carrots and C will only eat broccoli. How many vegetables does poor mummy need to cook?

Extra mark question - daddy only eats peas. Should daddy make his own sodding dinner?

OP, pin a notice to the fridge door "Things I don't like"

YoQuieroVino · 03/08/2026 21:40

YourBra · 03/08/2026 21:28

Fish is fish. Eat what he made.

No it isn’t 🙄. That’s what my 7 year old thinks. Anyone with actual tastebuds knows it’s not true.

Dancer48 · 03/08/2026 21:36

I get so tired of trying to cater for everyone's fussiness and just cook what I want sometimes. They can eat it or cook themselves. E.g. dd eats roast potatoes but not mash, ds eats mash but not roast. They both eat Spaghetti bol but dh doesn't like it. There's only a handful of stuff that everyone will eat

dreamingbohemian · 03/08/2026 21:32

Why does he do little cooking?

Not knowing your partner's food dislikes after 20 YEARS is just pathetic

YourBra · 03/08/2026 21:28

Fish is fish. Eat what he made.

gamerchick · 03/08/2026 21:22

Did you eat them?

I'm of an age that the message doesn't go through unless I reject the offering and make something else.

It's probable that he wanted salmon and knew he would look like a dick if he just cooked for himself. The problem solving might have been too much.

NoKnit · 03/08/2026 21:16

Nincompoo · 03/08/2026 19:21

I cooked my dh sausages once, knowing he doesn’t like them, but he’d really pissed me off and deserved them. He knew he’d been unreasonable and ate them without complaint 😆

Have you done some thing to get on his nerves that could’ve prompted salmon related passive aggression?

Hahaha I've done this many times. He knows there are a few dishes that I find easy to russle up that he doesn't like (e.g.lentils). If he has irritated me or acted like a bit of an idiot over something I tell him we are having xyz. He always eats it without complaining and we always have a laugh about it afterwards

SmokyPotato · 03/08/2026 20:44

I cooked my dh sausages once, knowing he doesn’t like them, but he’d really pissed me off and deserved them. He knew he’d been unreasonable and ate them without complaint 😆

🤣 thanks for the laugh @Nincompoo

Original poster
Oystersinmypocket · 03/08/2026 20:30

@bathroomphilopsher,this is my fear, maybe it’s the 20 years together but I feel jaded and I think he just likes being looked after and not being single.

OP posts:
chirrupybird · 03/08/2026 20:22

Sounds like a misunderstanding, he probably doesn't notice much difference in the taste of different fish particularly in a fish cake. Were they homemade fishcakes?

Pistachiocake · 03/08/2026 20:15

If he thought you'd had them at the restaurant, he maybe thought you liked them now. A lot of us goes through phases about food we like or don't

Bathroomphilosopher · 03/08/2026 19:42

I don’t find this funny. Being able to learn about your partner and hold them in mind is fundamental in a relationship.

If a man can’t do this it’s because he views the relationship in terms of what he gets out of it.

Heard a great line today about women thinking if a man stays is because he loves them when all he really wants is to keep the benefits of being in a relationship.

Nincompoo · 03/08/2026 19:37

Oystersinmypocket · 03/08/2026 19:34

great idea about deliveroo, I don’t need to order for him, he’s full on a double portion of salmon fishcakes!

Hope He chokes on them gets raging indigestion.

Enjoy your dinner :)

Original poster
Oystersinmypocket · 03/08/2026 19:34

great idea about deliveroo, I don’t need to order for him, he’s full on a double portion of salmon fishcakes!

OP posts:
Nincompoo · 03/08/2026 19:30

Elizascookingpancakes · 03/08/2026 19:28

Order yourself something really nice on Deliveroo .

hopefully next time he’ll remember your preferences.

Yes and don’t order him any!

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