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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DP to it? (parenting 3 year old)

10 replies

Jaxcast · 03/08/2026 18:57

DS is 3, he was premature (6 wks) and he was really unwell with meningitis and has hearing loss in one ear as a result and getting him to wear a hearing aid is impossible he's behind with his speech. He didn't say a word until he was 2 apart from the normal babbling. People have said it's because of his hearing and because he was prem

He doesn't eat meals I make (lasagna, Bolognese, a roast, proper dinners like that. He prefers to graze through the day and I'm really concerned about his weight and his diet as he's very small for his age and I do let him have a bottle of milk I know he's 3 but its more calarios which he needs . It doesn't help with dp that he eats very unhealthily, and doesn't eat what I've cooked either at dinner but he does like it as he always has it warmed up the next day for lunch but he'd rather eat takeaways and frozen food for dinner. He doesn't work, I work PT. he looks after our youngest through the day and my eldest now he's not at school

DS3 also doesn't sleep at well at night it's a struggle to get him to sleep and stay asleep.l as he wakes up crying for more milk or juice but I think it's comfort more than anything than actual thirst even though he wasn't ever breastfed or bottle fed to sleep so I'm unsure. We only have a 2 bed house and he was sharing with his brother but he was just disturbing him so he's in our bed

The other issue is partner stays up late gaming which has messed up ds’s routine, it was gone 11 last night until he went to sleep as that's when partner went to bed. I can't talk to partner without it turning into a roe so AIBU to just let DP carry on as he is but he'll be the one to fix it or is it setting ds up for failure? Could SS get involved?

OP posts:
category12 · 03/08/2026 19:02

Have the row.

If you're genuinely worried about your ds's wellbeing, have the row.

If your partner is looking after him during the day, is he actually looking after him well or is he doing the minimum and gaming?

Don't wait for outside intervention if your child isn't thriving.

QuaintBeaker · 03/08/2026 19:07

You have several different issues here.

I'm interested in why you're considering SS? Not saying that it is bad, our family has a social worker. But most people don't tend to jump to that...
They may be able to come and do a carers assessment though?

I think before that you need to have a good talk to your DP though.
I think you both need to be coming at this from the same angle and presenting a united front.

What does DP say if you ask him to eat the same as everyone else?
You need to approach this from the point of prioritising your son. If he isn't eating well then one of the first things anyone will suggest is eating together as a family.
If DP isn't willing to do that, then why?? Would he agree to eat each night at the table all together but have one takeout night a week?

In regards to his hearing, do you sign with him at all? I think that would be a really valuable skill for you all and would give your DS choices as he gets older with how he communicates.

I wouldn't necessarily be concerned about the grazing, but it does sound like he could do with having a decent dinner to fill him up and hopefully help his sleep

Danikm151 · 03/08/2026 19:12

So he doesn’t work but spends money on takeaways?

get a list of foods your little one will eat and always have one on his plate. Set routine for dinner and bed time.

if he’s gaming - how much parenting is he actually doing?

JLou08 · 03/08/2026 19:14

It's all well and good leaving him to it now, but when your child is in school he needs the opportunity to be in a good routine and have a good night's sleep.
With the food thing, I don't think it will actually make that much difference if DH eats with you all if you and the older child are eating with the 3 yo.
I wouldn't jump to social services. I would talk to the health visitor for advice and possibly a referral to a dietician.

Octavia64 · 03/08/2026 19:25

lots of 3 year olds have three meals and two snacks which could be seen as grazing. Regardless of when he eats, is what he eats reasonable?

if you are concerned a toddler multivitamin might help?

sleep and routine - yes he needs enough sleep but quite a few toddlers do sleep late/go to bed late and as long as they get enough sleep it’s usually possible to adjust for school. So the bigger question there is do you think he’s getting enough sleep?

more concerning I think the hearing aid. Is he still under the hospital?

WonderingAboutBabies · 03/08/2026 19:48

Please sign with him if you're able. It will help massively with his ability to communicate with you and others in the future.

You need to pull up on your DP, he needs to do better! It can't all fall on you xx

Nofeckingway · 03/08/2026 19:52

Your DH sounds like a total waste of space . Not working but spending money on fast food and gaming . And seems neglectful of your kids . SAHP need to actually parent otherwise they are just SAH losers .

Original poster
Jaxcast · 03/08/2026 20:07

I'm asking if SS could get involved if I left DP to it. DS will start school nursery in 4 weeks at my older sons school (we pulled him out of private his nursery earlier this year due to many issues). When I ask partner go eat with us he says he isn't hungry at the time the DC (and I) are eating or he doesn't fancy what I've cooked or just many excuses like that

My eldest is also picky but he eats spaghetti bolognese as long as the spaghetti has no sauce on etc and I don't mind that as he's eating but 3 year old just sits and doesn't eat and demands crackers which isn't very filling so he wants milk. The one good thing is he used to only drink formula and refuse actual milk but before he turned 3 he started drinking it

Today I've been home so I've seen what he’s eaten and it's not a lot.

Breakfast: had weetabix for breakfast but he stored most of it in his mouth then kept spitting it out so I don't know if he actually ate anything

Lunch: a few cocktail sausages, some ritz crackers, strawberries and pombears and he ate most of it (just left some strawberries) throughout the afternoon he had it next to him as he was playing (that's what I mean by grazing he does best at lunch but grazing through the afternoon not all at the mealtime)

Dinner: me and DS1 made homemade pizzas and we did a cheese one for DS2 and he took the topping off and just played with it

And an icelolly

I know its not the healthiest but he just will barely eat anything

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 03/08/2026 20:11

Things SS will not care about:

your dp eating dinner with you all
a three year old not sleeping well
a three year old not eating well

things SS will care about:

your child not being offered food

Pinkflamingo10 · 03/08/2026 22:32

Your partner needs to grow the fuck up and quit gaming and wasting family money on takeaways. He’s a father and should model healthy eating for his children. Takeaways should be a treat not a daily thing. It sounds like you cook delicious family meals. That should be the meal with no frozen food or takeaway option.
if you’re concerned with your child’s weight and nutrition,
bring them to your GP and get them plotted on their growth chart -have they dropped centiles or are they maintaining their growth centile?
if they are not thriving they will refer them to paeds for specialist support.

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