To think it isn’t surprising that I haven’t had a night alone in my home since 2002?

My dad has never had his own bedroom even.

He went from home (shared bedroom with his brother) to getting married (shared bedroom).

This is really interesting. When I first read the OP I thought, wow that's bizarre, how can that have happened?

But now I've thought about it, I can't remember a time when I have been alone at home overnight since my second child was born in 2016.
DH used to travel loads for work, often 4 or 5 nights out of every fortnight so I've been on my own with the kids loads. Equally, I've been away on my own lots, either for work or to visit friends/go on holiday, and been away with DH but not the kids.

And the kids have been away loads, either to sleepovers with friends/family or on school residentials but DH has been at home on those times and his family live very locally so he doesn't need to take them to visit overnight.

I'm slightly shocked and now thinking about how I can engineer a night on my own!

That's a mighty long time... I hope you enjoy your break ☺️.

Since DH stopped travelling for work so much - post Covid - I've probably had 4 weeks in total to myself on my own in the house - I miss him travelling. It wasn't a huge amount but was about a month in a year spread out. And it was nice to have a bit of time to myself.

This is interesting. We've got adult twins so one benefit of that was they often did the same trips - school, brownies, guides, occasionally the same sleepover. So DH and I had a lot of time on our own, but there weren't many occasions I was completely on my own overnight at home.

However, I did go away a couple of times a year with friends for a long weekend. DH coped perfectly well. I think the first time they were about 3 years old. Ok, they prob didn't eat as well, and had later nights but that's fine. I couldn't be with someone who couldn't parent their own children, bloody hell.

And they have a close relationships as adults, as a result of him being hands on when they were young.

Goodness, I don't want to derail the thread with my life story but for many reasons it does suit us this way. I am happy with being the main carer for my children. We live happily carrying out different roles. Also he hates travelling and I enjoy it so he's always at home. There's never been any reason for him to take the kids away anywhere without me. Of course he'd struggle through if I was in hospital or something but thankfully that's never happened. I can't imagine anyone would get much sleep.

My eldest is 10 and I've not had a solo night in the house since then. I've had quite a few nights alone as the only adult with the kids when DH has been away, or if he's taken the oldest child away and I've been at home with the youngest. But never had a night just me (without kids) at home since eldest was born!

've not been home alone since 2024 - DH was in hospital so not really a time to enjoy eating food nobody else likes etc

In my experience living completely alone in your twenties is pretty unusual. I moved out for uni at 18 and moved in with my DH at 26. In the intervening 8 years I had all manner of flatmates and housemates but I never lived alone. I lived in house shares at uni and then flat shares in London.

DH looks after our kid alone all the time, he's a SAHD and I travel for work a fair bit.

I haven't had a night alone in the house since DS was born though. Doesn't seem that wildly unlikely to me. I take DS away on our own sometimes in the holidays to give DH a bit of a break and DS has nights away (at Granny's or mates or residentials) but that hasn't ever coincided with DH being out all night.

I would actually love a couple of days in the house on my own but I can't really see it happening. I have tried to get DH to take DS to see his family (they live a long way away) while I am working but he won't.

I never get the house alone overnight, DH has a couple of times, but I do get nights away with mates and I once won a hotel overnight locally and went alone whilst DH has the child. bliss

it's really unhealthy to have a husband incapable of basic child care.

you could get run over tomorrow, land up in hospital for a week, and he wouldn't be able to look after his own kids.

dH has had the kids overnight alone when I landed up in hospital with suspected caudis equinas, so it could have resulted in a serious op and a longer stay. he just.... looked after his own kids! even tho he works and I don't, he doesn't lack the basic level of common sense and intelligence to manage.

your husband COULD do it, but it suits you to have him "incompetent" and it suits him to be lazy.

I’m sure it’s really not that uncommon; it is a very expensive privilege to be able to live on your own, especially when young. It’s not simply that people are going from parental home to marital home as they may have done in years gone by, but that for many people living alone is not financially viable. Many will live with friends, HMOs or lodge and it’s quite natural they’ll have found a partner to cohabit with in that time also. I suspect living alone is more common for those who are older.

I mean I did too but it isn't that hard to work out surely.

you leave school at 18, work for a bit, meet someone and rent a house together whilst you build your life.
you leave at 18, go to Uni and meet your partner, move in together after uni.
you leave at 18, go to Uni and live in shared accomodation until you can afford your own place by which point you're moving in with a partner.

my sister moved from our house in her with bf, eventually married. they had kids when they divorced and they didn't sleep over Dad's until she had a new partner (coincidence not cause), then she had a later couple of kids so she's a good 15 years away from them all moving out.

I am hoping to convince my kids enough, I would really hate to see either of them not living alone for at least a year or 2. It's fun when you are young and free, absolute pity not to make the most of it.

I suppose financially you might have to compromise with roommates, it might be the only solution to have your own place. Much nicer to start dating someone seriously when you are both independent and move together naturally too, instead of being forced to because you dont' have your own places.

Wow.
I know this is derailing a bit but it's interesting to think of people never having lived alone ever.
I'm not talking about halls of residence.
I mean technically you have your own room but you're not really living alone.

I mean in a house or flat totally alone.

I lived totally alone for about 2 years.
It's sort of hard to believe that there are people who don't do this until kids have left home/ widowed and so on.

First time I've ever thought about it.

Youngest was born in 2001. I used to get DH to take them to his Mothers near London or to his sisters in Spain for the odd long weekend. The cat and I, God rest her soul used to share ribeye steak and watch horror films together. DH used to go overseas because of his work for about a decade. It had no pattern, doing research or conferences and sometimes in remote places doing Bear Grylls shit like canoeing down the Amazon or trekking through the Malaysian jungle so he was hard to get hold of. He was a research scientist before he retired last year. So I used to solo parent for those times and it was a PITA, I also worked FT, I only had the odd trip down to London with my job. I also had the odd weekend away with my sisters or a mate of mine.

Have also occasionally gone off to see friends and relatives overseas by myself as has he without each other. We have relatives in America, Hong Kong, Norway and Spain between us. I remember him taking DS to Spain and me going off to America for a week. We both wanted to see relatives and you only had so much leave.

I’m the same - living with four children & husband. Two adult children work partly from home & my husband is fully wfh 3 weeks a month then one week on site (ie in a nice hotel somewhere or other). The kids (I also have two teens) have obviously had lots of nights away but I’ve never had them away simultaneously since my third (now 17) was born.

I’m actually more desperate to gets days alone at home (I also wfh quite a lot) than nights! I had 4 hours one evening in June when everyone was out at the same time. It was wonderful 😂

I’ve only been a mum since 2014 and I’ve never had a night without at least one child with me since then. We don’t do leisure trips away that aren’t family trips, and I don’t travel for work. One child has been on a residential with school but the other was with me.

My eldest was born in 2002 but I split with her dad when she was four so I had nights alone from then when he had kids. Since dh moved in in 2010 I’ve had nights alone with kids and nights alone with dh but I’ve not had a night just me in the house and neither has dh, we either go away as a family, just us and grandparents have kids or one goes away and other stays with kids. I’ve gone away with friends / work and had a hotel room to myself though.

No I don't think it's normal for a parent not to be able to look after their own children alone!

It sounds odd to me but maybe we're the unusual ones!