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Original poster

How would you feel if your husband said this about your best friend

154 replies

workshy46 · 03/08/2026 18:23

That she was incredibly attractive and that every man in the world would want to be with her. Context is that she has split up with her DH and is planning and trip and would perhaps like some fun on it. When I said it was important for her that people found her attractive that’s when he said the above and that she was delusional if she couldn’t see and tell that every man would want to be with her. When I challenged him on it he got defensive and wouldn’t speak just saying I was being ridiculous to be upset. A few days later he’s now saying he doesn’t find her attractive- was being sarcastic and wouldn’t be with her if she was the last women on earth etc. what hurts the most is that he has never spoken about me with such passion or said such things. He also said once years ago that if he had seen a different friend first he would have opted for her. Both of my friends are good looking for context .. Aibu to be absolutely gutted by this ?

OP posts:
Original poster
workshy46 · 03/08/2026 20:12

thanks , I just don’t know where I go from here. We have been together a long time . On paper a great life and zero money worries even if we separated. I just can’t seem to move on from it , I guess coupled with the original comment. He also never ever tells me he loves me. He is not all bad and as I say we have a good life and he does far more around the house than I do but I just feel like shit and I shouldn’t.

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homehomehome · 03/08/2026 20:11

He fell into the classic trap of answering an attracitveness question on your partners friend. If he's too enthusiatic he makes partner insecure and jealous, and if he's too disimisive he also risks offending his partner.

Sounds like he was too honest and backpeddled. Should have stuck with a blanket middleground 'I'm sure she'll find someone, she's a nice person'.

I do think it was a bit of a set up question by you OP to test him. He failed.

Writer034 · 03/08/2026 19:58

workshy46 · 03/08/2026 18:36

I never get jealous and absolutely not someone where you have to watch what you say. But saying someone is good looking which he has on many occasions is v v different to saying they are incredibly attractive and every guy on the planet wohld want them

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I agree with you, OP! The level of praise he lavished on your friend and the comment that every man would want to be with her clearly implies he would too....
A boyfriend once said to me, about a girl he'd seen on a night out (when I was at home in my bed and he was out with a mate, and then they came in and woke me up, and we ended up having this weird conversation) how they'd seen a girl so beautiful that "mothers don't give birth to anything so beautiful any more" (it sounds a bit clunky as it was in another language, but basically describing her as a one in a million beauty, I guess). I felt hurt and put down by comparison, because even if he did think that, what's the point of saying it to me, his girlfriend? How am I supposed to feel hearing that no one could compare to this extraordinary person?
Anyway, it was very satisfying when I dumped him and I never regretted it. My DP would never say something like that.

Original poster
workshy46 · 03/08/2026 19:24

vincettenoir · 03/08/2026 19:17

This contradicts what you said in your first post.

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when I said she was planning a trip and hoping she might have some fun , casual , he was like no way and shocked and I said it’s important to her that people find her attractive. That’s all I said, he could have said yes she is but to say oh she’s incredibly attractive and every man in the world wohld want to be with her is beyond ott. Like who says that , certainly not a 55 year old man

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Original poster
workshy46 · 03/08/2026 19:19

dottiehens · 03/08/2026 19:10

Poor you! Can you leave him? He is horrible and probably not good for your mental health. What a prick!

I could , not at the moment though. In a year, I'm thinking just seperate lives until then. What makes it hurtful is he isn't someone to comment about peoples looks, or on the tv etc. He isn't a "lad" and doesn't have those friends. The only people I have ever heard him describe in such glowing terms are those two friends and I'm like why them, could you not pick people I'm best friends with

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vincettenoir · 03/08/2026 19:17

workshy46 · 03/08/2026 19:15

I did not, I never said do you find my friend attractive or even mentioned it. He brought it up

This contradicts what you said in your first post.

Original poster
workshy46 · 03/08/2026 19:17

CinnamonJellyBeans · 03/08/2026 19:15

After you offered it up for his opinion.

If he'd thought faster, he never would have said it.

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I never asked .. the only thing I said was it was important to her that people found her attractive ( never asking if he did) and thats when he went on about how she must be delusional not to think shes incredibly attractive and every man in the world would find her such.

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Original poster
workshy46 · 03/08/2026 19:15

I did not, I never said do you find my friend attractive or even mentioned it. He brought it up

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CinnamonJellyBeans · 03/08/2026 19:15

workshy46 · 03/08/2026 19:00

I never asked if he found her attractive , ever. He offered it up in glowing and explicit terms that he’s never said about me .. ever.

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After you offered it up for his opinion.

If he'd thought faster, he never would have said it.

Error404FucksNotFound · 03/08/2026 19:12

He flat out told you he would want to be with her because she's gorgeous.

Id be pissed off

dottiehens · 03/08/2026 19:10

Poor you! Can you leave him? He is horrible and probably not good for your mental health. What a prick!

vincettenoir · 03/08/2026 19:09

I think this would be a really jarring thing for him to say out of nowhere. But as you introduced the topic of your friend’s attractiveness I don’t think it was that unreasonable to mention that she’s very attractive.

However the previous comment is the one which seems uncalled for.

Wynter25 · 03/08/2026 19:07

What an arsehole

Happyjoe · 03/08/2026 19:04

workshy46 · 03/08/2026 18:53

No he wasn’t trying to make her feel better , he’s always said he didn’t really like her much. She also wasn’t there. It was just his reaction , he’s not one to mis speak in that he means what he says. I think he regretted being so honest but it just puts a different slant on things for me. Finding it v hard to get past. It doesn’t make me insecure as I know he wouldn’t make a move and she wouldn’t go near him I just feel not for the first time , second choice. Funnily enough I was v good looking when we met and still get attention even though I have no interest in it. So I’m not jealous of my friend or anything , I love her

I am glad you're supportive of your friend, as it should be.

Original poster
workshy46 · 03/08/2026 19:00

CinnamonJellyBeans · 03/08/2026 18:58

These clumsy/awkward/blurt out truth and cannot take back the words fast enough comments always seem to follow a testing question/statement from a woman to her husband about her friend's attractiveness.

Just don't go there

I never asked if he found her attractive , ever. He offered it up in glowing and explicit terms that he’s never said about me .. ever.

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CinnamonJellyBeans · 03/08/2026 18:58

These clumsy/awkward/blurt out truth and cannot take back the words fast enough comments always seem to follow a testing question/statement from a woman to her husband about her friend's attractiveness.

Just don't go there

Original poster
workshy46 · 03/08/2026 18:58

Sashya · 03/08/2026 18:54

What he said years ago - unless said after a lot of drink, or something - is more problematic. What was the context and why did you stay after that?

What he said today is silly on his side. And I agree that you are overreacting. If she is really attractive - of course most men would fancy her. Just a fact. Let's all pick some really attractive actor/personality - and imagine you are all in some friendship group. Of course, you'd fancy them. And can also say what he said about her. Fancying someone is just finding them attractive, which is a natural human reaction.
Now - it it being natural is not the same as pursuing them. And - at the same time - there is no need to point it out so obviously to your partner, especially knowing women are sensitive to these sort of things.

It was said over dinner and no real drink. He was like of course if I had seen her first kind of thing , like obvious

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Sam1000 · 03/08/2026 18:58

The only sensible response to this is to go shag his best looking friend.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 03/08/2026 18:57

workshy46 · 03/08/2026 18:41

I don’t think he’s negging me to be honest , I just think he fancies my friend which of all the people to fancy I don’t want it to be one of my best friends ..

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This is the way to phrase it, imo. It’s unmistakably honest, simple and expresses your sadness.

”I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but being more admiring of my friend than you’ve ever been of me is hurtful and makes me sad.”

TheWittyCyanPombear · 03/08/2026 18:56

Little bit of triangulation makes a marriage spicy

Original poster
workshy46 · 03/08/2026 18:56

TheBlueKoala · 03/08/2026 18:54

@workshy46 You are saying you are more beautiful than your friend objectively. You may be but she might be hotter from a man's pov. Anyway it shouldn't matter- he's a twat and I think you should start going out with your friend.

I never said that , I said was better looking that my husband , sorry if that wasn’t clear. I would not compare myself to my friend .. it’s irreverent

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Besidemyselfwithworry · 03/08/2026 18:54

LondonMum2026 · 03/08/2026 18:27

Wow if he says this to your face what does he say to his mates behind your back. Lots of red flags 🚩 I couldn’t be with someone like this.

190% this!

TheBlueKoala · 03/08/2026 18:54

@workshy46 You are saying you are more beautiful than your friend objectively. You may be but she might be hotter from a man's pov. Anyway it shouldn't matter- he's a twat and I think you should start going out with your friend.

Sashya · 03/08/2026 18:54

What he said years ago - unless said after a lot of drink, or something - is more problematic. What was the context and why did you stay after that?

What he said today is silly on his side. And I agree that you are overreacting. If she is really attractive - of course most men would fancy her. Just a fact. Let's all pick some really attractive actor/personality - and imagine you are all in some friendship group. Of course, you'd fancy them. And can also say what he said about her. Fancying someone is just finding them attractive, which is a natural human reaction.
Now - it it being natural is not the same as pursuing them. And - at the same time - there is no need to point it out so obviously to your partner, especially knowing women are sensitive to these sort of things.

Original poster
workshy46 · 03/08/2026 18:53

No he wasn’t trying to make her feel better , he’s always said he didn’t really like her much. She also wasn’t there. It was just his reaction , he’s not one to mis speak in that he means what he says. I think he regretted being so honest but it just puts a different slant on things for me. Finding it v hard to get past. It doesn’t make me insecure as I know he wouldn’t make a move and she wouldn’t go near him I just feel not for the first time , second choice. Funnily enough I was v good looking when we met and still get attention even though I have no interest in it. So I’m not jealous of my friend or anything , I love her

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