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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My brother moved without telling me

19 replies

FIoorboard · 03/08/2026 18:04

I am low contact with my brother, more since mum passed (no dad around). I only have a landline number for him and when I tried it - it had been terminated. I have since popped round to the house and its empty, so he has clearly moved. No one knows where he went, he is pretty low contact with everyone!
My question is...if I pay for 192.com, would I be able to find him on the electoral roll? If not how else could I locate him?
AIBU to try and find him. He is a bit of a loner.

OP posts:
Pinkissmart · 03/08/2026 18:16

Why are you low contact? When was the last time you saw him?

Original poster
FIoorboard · 03/08/2026 18:40

Saw him last christmas, we are both on the spectrum and suits both of us not to make much contact, but I would like to find him

OP posts:
Cismyfatarse · 03/08/2026 18:45

Write to his previous address in case he has forwarded his post?

Tableforjoan · 03/08/2026 18:45

Won’t be only be on 192.com if he opted in to being viewable on the electoral register.

Original poster
FIoorboard · 03/08/2026 19:14

Tableforjoan · 03/08/2026 18:45

Won’t be only be on 192.com if he opted in to being viewable on the electoral register.

Sorry what? I don't understand your message to me?

OP posts:
Original poster
FIoorboard · 03/08/2026 19:14

how do I find him?

OP posts:
noctilucentcloud · 03/08/2026 19:21

FIoorboard · 03/08/2026 19:14

Sorry what? I don't understand your message to me?

Show quote history

When you register to vote you can chose to be on the open register (which I guess 192.com uses) or you can chose not to be listed on that and your name is just visible to people dealing with elections. If he's either not registered to vote, or has registered to vote but opted out of the open register then you won't be able to find him this way. I'm sorry OP, I think you will have to accept you won't be able to get in contact til he chooses. However, I would do a PPs suggestion and write to his old address in case he's set up mail forwarding.

ColdAsAWitches · 03/08/2026 19:32

Do you not have an email address for him? Facebook? It's surely easier to find someone online rather than physically these days.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 03/08/2026 19:37

Do you have any mutual acquaintances or family members? Contacts for any of his friends he may have stayed in touch with?

As long as you stay where you are, he can find you if he wants to. Are you going anywhere?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 03/08/2026 19:38

And write, in case he’s forwarding mail to his new place.

No one can give you his address- no organisations etc.

Original poster
FIoorboard · 03/08/2026 20:48

Is there noting I can do electronically?

OP posts:
Rachelshair · 03/08/2026 20:53

Search social media, linkedin etc. Get a private detective on the case. Ask on local facebook groups if anyone knows where he is?

murasaki · 03/08/2026 20:54

Maybe he doesn't want to be contacted.

Netcurtainnelly · 03/08/2026 21:31

Rachelshair · 03/08/2026 20:53

Search social media, linkedin etc. Get a private detective on the case. Ask on local facebook groups if anyone knows where he is?

Nobody is obliged to tell you on SM they don't know why your asking. Surely they'd need to check with him first.

B0D · 03/08/2026 21:39

If you have any idea of the area he might have moved to, you could try the electoral register. I found my DB like that, I rang the council for his last known address and assumed he was in the same geographic area. I knew he would be registered to vote and he was on the open register

SixtySomething · 03/08/2026 21:39

I think that's very sad for you, OP.
I definitely wouldn't feel bad about trying to find him. If he were to unfortunately fall ill or have an accident, it might be that he would suddenly be grateful to have a sister who bothered to visit him.

BMW58 · 03/08/2026 21:58

But if he wanted to stay in any kind of contact with you he'd have told you his new address / phone number.

I think you should respect his wishes.

Thesafetygeneral · 03/08/2026 22:00

Salvation Army can help you find people bit will only give you details of the person you’re trying to find agrees

mindutopia · 03/08/2026 22:09

I would think if he wanted to be contacted, he would have told you he was moving and given you forward contact information. I’d be inclined to respect his wishes. He must still have your number as it hasn’t changed.

I moved house and didn’t tell my family where I am. I don’t want any contact with them. I don’t want them to have my new address. I want to be left alone. That’s why I didn’t tell them.

It sounds like you aren’t close. I would just leave it and wait for him to be in touch.

But if you really want to find him, googling, social media (even my 80 year old relatives have facebook these days!), asking friends or acquaintances would be how I’d go about it.

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