To not feed my children?

Eldest 19 works 7 til 5.15pm 4 days a week during the holidays currently as he's getting full time hours. He sleeps sometimes til 11am on his days off but often up before this as he likes going off hill walking. 16yo is having issues with reduced appetite so needs to be up for breakfast so he doesn't feel sick. The issue was worse sleeping til 10am.

They are brought up not to waste the day away. They can lounge around playing X Box or use PCs in the afternoon however once showered and dressed.

If my eldest has had a tough time or unwell he can sleep as long as he wants. We aren't ogres! But in general it's not encouraged to be lazy layabouts.

For me it was that my Mam couldn't cope with cooking when anyone else was in the kitchen so we were all banished when she was cooking and she shut the door. I genuinely had NO idea how to do even the most basic meals or how a washing machine worked. I didn't go to uni but I did move out at 17 and it was incredibly hard to learn all these things on my own. I'm still not good at it 20 years later tbh. I have made sure my kids will never be in that situation and they can do all household tasks and can cook. It's so important to teach them these things.

Off topic but I am fascinated by what people think a teen should be able to cook.

I used to help with cooking as a young child.

I went to high school in the stone age and at a girls' school run by nuns. We had to do 'domestic science' for the first three years.

In first year (now year 7) I think we started off with buns or something simple like that but we then built on that.

By third year we were making complete meals, things like shepherds pie or other things made with mince. We did spend a lot of time cooking mince and then had a break to make Christmas cake.

We also did a lot of pastry making, different types of pastry.

Maybe that colours my judgement but I think an 11 year old should be able to do beans on toast or an omelette.

By 13/14 they should be able to make at least the main part of a meal if not a full meal.

Obviously not all children are the same I do think cooking is a skill everyone should acquire by late teens.

I also watch 'Junior Masterchef' and those kids cook amazing food.

Slightly off the point but my 14yos sent me a picture of their breakfasts this morning. (I work 10 mins down the road and also this is Switzerland, before anyone starts giving me grief about leaving them home alone, the kids here are feral by UK standards). I regularly go in in the evening and there is evidence of avocados having been mashed and matcha having been prepared. They're living their best lives and I love it, I'm enjoying the newfound freedom of not having to cook evey meal and clearly they are too.

@toomuchtooold off topic as I'm also in Switzerland (with my 10yo home alone cooking her own meals) but are you not supposed to leave teenagers in the UK nowadays? Surely nobody would think 14 is too young to be home alone?

DD is 12 and her routines all over the place with it being the holidays so I’ve stocked the fridge and freezer and she helps herself for breakfast and lunch. Sometimes it’s just cold stuff, other days she’ll cook up gyoza and ramen or chicken and rice or whatever but she’s perfectly capable of knowing when she’s hungry, how hungry she is and then making up a plate of food that meets that need.

I'd like to think most people wouldn't but you definitely get a lot of outliers on MN, who would think this was appalling.

It's pretty common to leave children on their own once they get to secondary school age.

Oh god I don't know, you're probably right, Ive just lost the thread of it since I moved abroad. I've definitely seen people on here worried about their 12 year old walking to school. And there was someone earlier ssying you need to plan activities with a 15 year old!

My HV asked me where my older kids were not long back. I told her admittedly they were still in bed. This was like 12 ish. She was thrilled. She said let them sleep, especially at this age as it's so important. Since then, I let them sleep in however long they like. And no you're not being unreasonable. As op said. Just get easy things in which are balanced and still fairly nutritious. Protein wraps.. Pittas.. Freezer bits. Xx

I have one child who would just not eat/ seek food out until about 530 without prompting but then eat like a horse on steroids until about midnight. They look after themselves in the holidays. I once went away for a weekend when he was 15, called up, ans he was cooking himself a steak at 11:45pm. He can cook, hed nust much rather be on TikTok but I’m fucked if I’m colluding in the creation of another undomesticated bloke eho outsources domestic tasks to women.

i have another young adult (2 years older) who has done 70% of her own cooking and also a large share of the family cooking (from choice - control is big ;) ) since the age of about 13 and plans meals days in advance.

OP you are clearly not unreasonable to expect them to cater for themselves. I’d also casually drop in a few “I’m hungry - what are you making for tea?” Type questions. Juat treat it like it’s a done deal that everyone takes turns.

Oh good grief! You don’t know much about neglect if you think this is it.

And then there are all the headlines about graduates not being able to get jobs. If they can’t work out or google how to make beans on toast they are going to be liabilities in the workplace.

Hopefully you arent in charge of any children if you are unable to comprehend neglect. Plenty of Safeguarding training out there if you do want to be educated.

They aren't graduates though are they, they are 13 and 15 year old children, under the care of their parents not a 21 year old adult

I’m extremely well versed in WTtSC and KCSIE, and also very well aware of local safeguarding partnership protocols, plus the thresholds for carrying out child in need and child protection enquiries and asssessments. How about you?! 😂.

As to my response to the quote about baked beans, my point, which I think possibly got missed, was that this is not all about ability or practice, it is about having a bit of gumption, willingness to try things and actively look into how to do things yourself. Teens unable to cook an egg or prepare beans on toast need to learn and experiment, either they try and fail and then learn from that, or they switch their brains on and google shit.

Being well versed does not mean anyone makes the right decisions. If you are well versed you will know that not providing adequate food is part of neglect. One day of not providing adequate food is of course not the same as a regular pattern of not providing adequate food. 13 and 15 year olds are children, the responsibility is on parents / carers to provide acess to adequate food regardless of whether they have done a few food tech lessons and Joe Bloggs thinks they should be able to boil an egg. Not caring enough to provide food and a healthy routine for a child is a sign of neglect. There are many levels to neglect.

And as for well versed in Government guidance well that's meaningless frankly as a lot of it is judgement based and poor judgements from Social Workers as one example has led to children's deaths. They too will have known how to iniitialise.

teenagers need to be spoon-fed now, otherwise it's neglect and they will die? I have very much 'provided adequate food', it's in the fridge, all they need to is prepare something from the ingredients available.

You are so wrong it's unbelievable. No social worker in the land would walk into a house where the cupboards/fridge are full of food and declare that the teenagers are neglected (on ANY level) because they have to make their own sandwich rather than it being made for them

Absolute rubbish. a 15 year old could be a parent themselves.

Biologically , but mentally, I think thays up for discussion

Like sleeping til the afternoon: the general lounging about thing, there's much more to do than this in life, especially when young. Guess I've just never been that way inclined, a boring sitting at home, even since Internet etc.

Just put down some rules about what lunch should include- this is what’s for lunch, if you’re not up in time, you’ll need to make it for yourself, but you don’t get to choose.