How do you handle new gifts and hand me downs when you have two young DC of the same gender?

It evens out on fairness though, by the time DC2 is getting into Duplo, for example, they already have lots to play with and might have some more interesting bits than when DC1 first started playing with it. It just depends on perspective.

Big value items they outgrown, like bikes, scooters and roller skates - I'd avoid them as gifts. Gifts can be smaller, but entertainment things can be bought and upgraded as needed.

I’ve been having a similar thought recently as my youngest son is turning 1 soon and family have asked what to get him for his birthday. I’ve said just to send money and we’ll put it into his savings account. He has all his older brothers toys and clothes so literally doesn’t need a single thing. Obviously not a problem at this age, but when he gets to 3 I imagine he’ll be much more aware.
We’ve bought him a bowl and plate set that match his brothers but in a different colour, just so he has something to physically unwrap and so my older son can give it to him as I know he’ll like that.
When he gets older and is into something specific then I think we’ll try to focus presents around that eg dinosaurs or crafts. Hoping he’ll have different interests to his older brother!
My plan for Christmas is to do mostly joint presents at this age - some more pretend food, train track or magnatiles or maybe a new sandpit for the garden. The sort of stuff they can both play with, until they develop their own specific interests.

I think this is common with girls. Mainly because they both want the pink one.

I think it's a common feeling, not being sure what to buy the youngest as they just play with the eldest's toys. I have a 2 and 4 year old, the youngest hasn't had a lot of stuff for his birthdays/christmasses but it doesn't really matter and by the time he is old enough to understand he will have his own interests. Its already starting to show already - my eldest is creative, likes 'beautiful' things, loves learning and educational toys/books, not really interested in sporty things. My youngest is a lot more engergetic, likes kicking a ball and getting messy.

If you have 'sets' of things, could you get some special specific pieces? E.g my boys both love their train track, and each have their own special train. Books and clothes are always good ones. Nice practical things e.g their own nice cups. Magazine subscriptions?

We had the same age gap with 2 girls and had a similar problem, but then luckily my 2nd started to prefer what some would consider 'boys toys' dinosaurs, cars, superheroes etc. So why not buy some of that for your youngest

Cuddly toys? Obviously you can get kinda realistic looking ones of lots of animals, teddies or more cartoon looking stuff that might be based on a character. Some people keep some of their teddies forever!

I have 4 boys, eldest is 7 years older than the youngest.

My advice is, keep the bar low!! While they are little, they are happy with everything, hand me downs and all, unless you teach them otherwise. They also don't expect piles of presents unless you teach to- in fact, less is more in terms of them actually playing with things. 4 or 5 carefully chosen small or sized medium gifts per event is a lot better for everyone than an avalanche of toys every major event.

While they are toddlers they tend to like the same things, but in a few years they will develop their own tastes and interests. Save your money for ipods or ice skates or whatever it turns out that they actually love, when they are big enough to know.

I would buy a new bigger pushchair as a joint present for both of them. So DD1 would get to use it now but it would be a ''family toy'' rather than belonging to her.
( that might upset them both, but still....!)

Surely you can’t possibly have everything! Every type of doll? Every playmobil/ sylvanian families/ duplo/ Lego etc playset? Every dressing up outfit? Every book? Every craft set? Every piece of equipment for the garden?

Your youngest DD is only 1, you have no idea what she’ll be interested in at 3 but when she is that age surely there will be something she likes that you don’t already have. If there really isn’t anything left to buy it sounds like you have way too much stuff and are buying toys for your DD4 just for the sake of giving her something, not actually with any thought behind what she actually wants to play with and what she enjoys. Most children don’t evenly spread their playtime between dolls and dressing up and lego and Barbie and arts/ craft and outdoor play and character players and movement play etc they tend to have favourite types of play and types of toys.

Maybe you need to cut down on what you’re buying, buy DD4 toys that align with her interests and then when DD1 is the same age do the same. If you’re buying something that could be shared then you also don’t have to give it as a gift, just buy another pushchair for the playroom and tell the girls it’s for both of them to share. Then save gifts for toys they want and that align with their interests, the pushchairs can be shared but they can each have their own doll. This way the toys given individually are more likely to feel special and feel sentimental to your children too rather than them having a playroom where they have everything but care for nothing.

My girls have the same age gap - eldest is 5, youngest is 2. I explained to the eldest that I’m not able to buy the youngest everything brand new for herself, and so part of being siblings is sharing- the eldest also can’t get mad if her sister plays with something that is “hers” - unless it’s particularly precious of course. But I can’t go around buying the youngest the same amount that the eldest got as we don’t have the space!

I think just focus on quality over quantity, one big thing rather than lots, so there’s always something they’d individually want - like by their next birthday/Christmas (both December born!) the eldest wants a 2 wheel scooter, the youngest wants a 3 wheel, the eldest needs a bike with gears, the youngest a small pedal bike etc so that’s fine and besides some books or other little shareable bits that would be enough - we don't like lots of presents anyway as December then would just be an intensely materialistic month and it isn’t nice really. It stops meaning anything.

Just choose one big thing for each that reflects their interest and if needed buy a second of something they both really love, like the pram. E.g. eldest has a yoto box so I got the youngest her own and they both get a lot out of that.

You say you go 'all out' for Christmas and birthdays as if that is a rule set in stone : it isn't you could stop getting so much stuff, then you'd have a bit more choice over what to get.

I was the youngest of 3 girls, yes I got hand me downs, but I also always got a new toy for my birthday and Christmas, but we had different interests, so we got things according to our interests. Your youngest child is not old enough to particularly have specific interests yet, so she is probably quite happy with hand me down generic toys, when she's 3 and her sister is 7 they will want very different things and be able to express their wishes.

At the moment, there must surely be some toy in the universe that your older child hasn;t already had ? Unless you are millionaires and live in a warehouse, new toys are coming out all the time, you must be able to find something. It doesn' t have to be a big toy, kids have no idea of cost they just like what they like, there must be books, colouring books, puzzles, art sets, dressing up clothes, that your older DD hasn't had the exact same thing, and things like play dough etc have a limited life span because they get manky, so need to be replaced.

Just cut back, you've created a problem by going over the top, but you can solve it by cutting back while they are still little and won't notice.

I’d try being more thoughtful with new gifts, instead of “going all out”. It sounds like you have way too much stuff, think about what each girl would enjoy individually, and gradually all the existing stuff will be grown out of/phased out.

We did this. There’s 5 and a half years between my son and daughter. My son had a lovely John Lewis kitchen with all the wooden food. We had put that away in the roof, then last Xmas I said to him, (he was 7 at the time) how do you feel about giving your sister your kitchen etc as a present ? He was really enthusiastic, she loved it. We are really into pre loved toys and clothes so neither were phased/ fussed about this.

I would make anything big you get for DD4 joint gifts. And then smaller individual things.

It makes sense anyway when they are sharing toys.

E.g. if you got them a trainset - the set is joint but they might get some individual engines wrapped up for them.

But that's what starts to happen when you go all out with birthdays and Christmas. They have far more than they need then you buy for the sake of buying.

My parents always gift my kids a day out or experience. Far more memorable and special than materialistic stuff. Zoo Keeper days, art classes, animal experiences (they got to hold tarantulas and snakes!).

Oddly, there are two things that my 10 year olds play with far more than anything.

1. Geomag magnet sets (I bought them a HUGE set second hand on eBay - my kids are well aware that if we buy things second hand they can have far more for the same price!)
2. A MakeDo set https://www.make.do/?srsltid=AfmBOorLj6Ao_afzdS_yW6POHLy0cqU8EglrD6uzz4GGso0pvN9yLdLb - they spend hours constructing stuff out of cardboard. We got them age 4 and 6 years on they're still very popular.

If you buy them less, they play with it a lot more.

The Geomags were handed down from my eldest as a gift for Christmas, then as that didn't cost anything we therefore took them out to the theatre for their gift.

A big gift to share such as a “mud” kitchen for the garden or a special craft bench/table might help - exciting looking main present but less materialistic then you could potentially make a few second hand gifts for each?

Believe me , however much crap you have in your playroom you will not have every different type of duplo , playmobil etc so there will be plenty of things you can get for the younger one .

They get one present that they want, then a few other bits and pieces (books, a game). We mostly spend our money having fun as a family (meals out, days out etc...) rather than stuff.

If it's that much of an issue then get your 1 year old a second hand push chair that looks different to the one you currently have (she will have no idea it's not new), then when your 4 year old gets a new one, give the other one away. It just feels so wasteful to always buy new.

Maybe start cutting back on buying stuff now so that at least when they are 7 and 4 you will have broken the cycle.

They only understand what you teach them...

If you stop teaching them that new is better then it stops being an issue.

Kids learn what their parents teach them.

What about materials to do crafts? Those get used up so you probably need to replace them for DD1 (when she’s older and can use them). I’m thinking about sets to paint (paint t-shirts, paint faces, paint with numbers, paint in general…), to make bracelets, to make dry clay stuff… you get the idea

@Peterrabbity By making such a big deal of things being "new" you will end up with materialistic children.

I have 3 kids (youngest are twins and now 10) and they have never had issues over hand me downs or anything second hand. Its not even a thing. The twins couldn't care less if the toys they are playing with belonged to their older brother or someone else.

It only becomes an issue if you let it become a issue. So just teach them that hand me downs and sharing is normal. If they squabble then it gets taken away.