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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel insecure about partner’s previous visit to red light district in Amsterdam.

41 replies

OldBagzy · 03/08/2026 10:24

Been with a lovely guy for a few months, he’s very attentive and affectionate, helping me with my body confidence etc which has been a lifelong problem of mine.

However, it came up in conversation that with his former partner he went to Amsterdam and walked around the red light district. Apparently his partner thought it was a good laugh even when he got propositioned by a prostitute.

I realise this was before me and that people do go there out of curiosity etc but with my body issues I am struggling with the fact that he has seen the bodies of really hot women. How can he possibly find my flat chest and wobbly stomach attractive after seeing that?! He must have been being polite. I feel so ashamed of my body again, I don’t feel like I want to be intimate anymore.

I don’t know what to do, I can’t change what he’s seen or how I feel about it but I don’t want to over react and ruin things. Genuinely can’t help these feelings so what do I do about them? I know I have to move past it but I need some help.

Thank you.

OP posts:
MonkeyMoosMama · 03/08/2026 12:17

I've been through the RDL is Antwerp and like everyone says its honestly nothing to worry about. The women there are not like you are imagining in your head (if they were they wouldnt be working in the RLD). There is no way I would go to Amsterdam and not walk through there, its part of the tourist trap!

PollyBell · 03/08/2026 12:13

It is not up to him or anyone else to fix you rhat is not their role or fair on them

If you cant see thia you need to stay single it will never end well

Original poster
OldBagzy · 03/08/2026 11:54

I know, I don’t want to be that person. He is very good with my struggles but I don’t want him to tire of it.

OP posts:
JMSA · 03/08/2026 10:55

Sheesht, you do know that he can look at women with killer bodies online at any point he chooses?! No trip to Amsterdam required.
Don’t be that person who is seeking reassurance over your body from a partner of only a few months. It’s meant to be fun at this point. You need help before you lose him.

Original poster
OldBagzy · 03/08/2026 10:50

I do know it’s illogical, most mental health triggers are not particularly rational. The word “jealous” feels wrong, this is not about the women themselves, it’s about an impossible standard in his head. But knowing that the women on display have a variety of body shapes, similar to what he would see on a beach, does help me.

I would love to be so body confident like his ex was, I admire her for that but after years of bullying it’s just something I struggle with. I’m not a bad person I just struggle with this particular issue and I’ve asked for a bit of help so I can try and deal with it myself and not ruin things. I accept my feelings are not the “norm”.

OP posts:
DeterminedRat · 03/08/2026 10:50

Yeah I've passed though the RLD too and it's really not some magical, sexy place full of glamorous sexy women. It's awkward and seedy.

Like others have said work on your self esteem because your boyfriend is going to see gorgeous bodies and the gym, the supermarket, the park, the beach etc etc That's just life. I'm sure my husband sees 'better' bodies than me and I see 'better' bodies than his but I haven't spent 20 off years with him because of his body and I hope that isn't his motivation for staying with me.

Imightbeinthewronghere · 03/08/2026 10:45

Not sure you could go to Amsterdam and not walk through.

It's one street.

One.

You're seriously jealous of people who have to sell their bodies.....think about that.

Please you need to work on your self esteem.

mtobrokeme · 03/08/2026 10:41

OP, I have been through the RLD in Amsterdam multiple times, this idea you have of hordes of beautiful picture perfect women lined up is all in your head. It ‘caters’ for all tastes and I do mean all.

Jk987 · 03/08/2026 10:39

Work on you. Practice self care. Go and buy some clothes you feel great in. Some new makeup if you want. You have to believe in yourself.

OvernightBloats · 03/08/2026 10:39

BeSharpHelper · 03/08/2026 10:32

I have been to the red relight district in Amsterdam , they are not wonderfully toned beautiful bodies. They cater for EVERY taste. It’s like walking down Skegness beach . They are all wearing some sort of clothing, usually just underwear , but fuck me , there is every size and shape . It’s not like an all u can eat buffet of Victoria’s secrets models. And yes it is hard to avoid and it’s also very small . You are spiralling and your imagination is working overdrive. You need to learn to control this .

This.

I also walked around the red light district with an ex-boyfriend decades ago. There are all shapes, sizes, ethnicities there. There were a couple of very stunning women who looked Thai - they really were beautiful - and I couldn't help wonder about their circumstances.

My ex and I were approached by a very seedy man who wanted us to be involved in a sex show on stage. We refused! Unsurprisingly!

There is no way that you should be envious of the women there.

CrypticClueless · 03/08/2026 10:38

People are being re-assuring about the range of bodies on display...OK, is that the main issue? He was with a previous partner. Not alone or with a stag party having sex with prostitutes.

Not sure about the ethics of a woman and him thinking it was 'a good laugh' to be gawping at prostitutes but that doesn't seem to be your worry.

He didn't have sex with a paid woman, the outlook of men who think women are a commercial commodity is more worrying, IMO, than men strolling through Amsterdam with a woman they are in a relationship with.

This is a you issue. You don't think he has seen porn? Women with the whole range of body types on the beach or at a pool?

I hope you are able to continue addressing your insecurities because thinking like this will drive you mad, and him away.

Original poster
OldBagzy · 03/08/2026 10:34

BeSharpHelper · 03/08/2026 10:32

I have been to the red relight district in Amsterdam , they are not wonderfully toned beautiful bodies. They cater for EVERY taste. It’s like walking down Skegness beach . They are all wearing some sort of clothing, usually just underwear , but fuck me , there is every size and shape . It’s not like an all u can eat buffet of Victoria’s secrets models. And yes it is hard to avoid and it’s also very small . You are spiralling and your imagination is working overdrive. You need to learn to control this .

Thank you! This has been so reassuring! I know the problem is me and I don’t want to ruin things.

OP posts:
BeSharpHelper · 03/08/2026 10:32

I have been to the red relight district in Amsterdam , they are not wonderfully toned beautiful bodies. They cater for EVERY taste. It’s like walking down Skegness beach . They are all wearing some sort of clothing, usually just underwear , but fuck me , there is every size and shape . It’s not like an all u can eat buffet of Victoria’s secrets models. And yes it is hard to avoid and it’s also very small . You are spiralling and your imagination is working overdrive. You need to learn to control this .

Cockerpoomom · 03/08/2026 10:31

With no judgement intended and I mean this nicely, it's not his role to build your confidence and you can't put your issues onto him to solve because that's a little unfair as you can't just blame him everytime you feel insecure.

You need to work on your insecurities away from the relationship so that you dont push him away. It's not his fault you feel the way you do.

isthisnormal1971 · 03/08/2026 10:26

With kindness this is a you problem and maybe speak to someone externally about it to overcome. He will have seen plenty of woman with flat stomach, toned bodies, ‘perfect bodies’ he will also have seen other shapes and sizes. We all do..
at no point do I compare that to my husband or myself. I do think some therapy 121 would
Help. If not affordable then read lots of self help books to train your mind. Be kinder to yourself

clearlyy · 03/08/2026 10:26

I don’t think you can actually not walk through it, it’s just out in the open. He is with YOU, not a prostitute. He obviously finds you attractive with him telling you how lovely you are. You could maybe speak to your gp and see if you can get some CBT sessions? It’s not good to keep a hold of these feelings.

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