AIBU to feel uncomfortable if my child invites their father's mistress?

Wish I could change my vote now I've read your subsequent posts.

YANBU. You don't like this woman. Your mum will find it hard. Your dad can choose to put her first if he must but on your position I wouldn't invite her.

Its your wedding so invite who you like and exclude who you want.

Let your parents do what they like with their invitations

I wouldn't invite either of them. If he'd miss your wedding because of her I personally wouldn't want him there anyway.

Don’t invite her, you will be on tenterhooks worrying about her behaviour and your mother deserves to enjoy your wedding day

At my siblings weddings the parents and the step-parents were at the top table. They had to have a huge top table as both sets of parents were with new partners!

Oh goodness. I should have read all the updates. Screw that for a bag of bananas. Somebody I don't like, who is not a nice person and who is disrespectful to / about my mother is not welcome at my wedding.

It would be a no from me. It's up to your DF if he wants to miss your wedding rather than upset her.

I would add - length of time would be a massive factor. If they divorced recently due to an affair - no way. And if my dad does not like he can stay away. However if it had been decades...I would just explain to my mom she will unfortunately have to suck it up.

It’s your wedding so if you don’t like her don’t let her attend your dad is choosing her over you, think that is clear where you stand. Just say sorry dad it’s a pity you won’t come but I don’t want her there.

I think it’s your day…..you invite whoever you want. I would put my mam first in these circumstances. Your dad sounds like he’s been a bit of a dick to her over the years. No way would I invite TOW if she had been calling my mam names. Tell your dad you’re not prepared to have her there after everything that’s happened and if he chooses not to come it’s his loss. It doesn’t sound like you are that close to your dad anyway or maybe I’m reading it wrong. What does your fiancé think? This is a special day for you fuck the rest of them. I really hope you get sorted x

I wouldn’t want her there to be honest and do understand your mum feeling like this x

It's his wife. It's sad but they have moved on now. If your parents were still married that would be different.

However you are not required to support his relationship but I would question why, if it's an issue, you would still invite your dad. Surely you would disinvite them both?

I feel so sad that this is affecting your decisions on your wedding day. It's your special day and it should be all about you and your hubby to be!

If your parents divorced some years ago then I think I would expect your Mum to deal with it. Your Dad is married to this women now so its understandable he would want her with him on this occasion. You could however explain to your Mum how hard it is for you to be in this position; she needs to understand it from your point of view and how torn it has made you feel!
If you haven't already, maybe you could invite her to bring a friend with her for the wedding so she doesn't feel so alone.

I hope you have an amazing day, big hugs x

Well my dad's mistress (now partner) was at my siblings weddings. How could she not be. I think I would have to get over it and be there for my children.

Delete the thread and start again 🤦‍♂️🤦🏼‍♀️

It would be insulting to both your father and his wife, get a grip OP.

Tell your dad you would like him there but if he chooses not to attend that is his decision. If he tries to guilt or gaslight you take it a step further - tell him the day is about love and making a commitment to the person you have chosen to spend your life with. Bringing the woman who he cheated on his wife with goes against the whole ethos of the day. The day is about you and your fiance not his affair partner

Your dad needs to grow up and acknowledge that his past actions have caused this issue or is he still in denial. You have already said that she is nasty and you don't like her so it's your wedding and nothing/no one should create negativity on you and your partners day, so if there's a chance they may kick off then don't back down to his threats. If you feel like you have to bend a little for your father's demands then just invite her to the evening where her nasty comments can at least be drowned out by the disco. My cousin invited his father and mistress to his wedding and it did impact on the day unfortunately, but they at least had the common sense to keep a low profile and not try to cause drama.

I was your Mum.
I have just sat at the top table at my son’s wedding with my ex husband and his wife, who was his affair partner.
It was what my son wanted and that was all that mattered to me.

I completely agree. Bearing in mind that conducting an affair means putting your entire family second, not just the person you are married to, to see the affair partner. He’s got a cheek. Not his wedding. His overriding commitment should be the pride in giving his daughter away. Sorry, he sounds a selfish git.

Don't invite her, you don't like her, it would upset your mum. If your dad chooses not to come it's on him. To be honest I don't think I'd be still speaking to my dad if he had multiple affairs behind my mums back. I'd think he was a dick.

I've not been to a wedding with a top table since about 1998 😄

It’s only parents typically at the top table - usually second wives/ partners are put on a different table.

If they are not well liked… they are given a seat on a children’s table at the back of the room.

Still technically invited, but located away from family and the location usually appeases first wives, because it’s the worst location!

That’s not very nice OP. I wouldn’t invite her for that reason. I think you have the perfect reason to ban her now! She’d be no different to abusive friend.

I think it’s very strange to not go to your child’s wedding over something that happened some time ago. My children’s father was incredibly abusive to me in every way possible. He cheated on me countless times and left me (thank god) for one of his affairs. I just attended my daughter’s graduation with him there and the woman he left me for. The day wasn’t about us it was about our daughter. Your mum needs to get over it as do you. Shit happens.

To be fair if he had multiple affairs with the same woman and ended up marrying her and they’re still together, it sounds like it’s worked out for them and might have ultimately been the best outcome for everybody even if it was a painful process. I’m remarking on this for a reason OP, which I hope may help you as I go on.

Re your dilemma - if it’s your wedding you are entitled to prevent her from coming but
a) Would banning her cause massive and unnecessary upset/drama in the family?
b) Are you only worried because your mum might get upset (and could be unfairly burdening you as her nuptialling DC)
c) It sounds like OW has gone way beyond mistress now, and she’s likely to be around for a long time.

That last point is why I said what I did - perhaps it’s now time to heal from the past, and try to get away from regarding her as a mistress because she’s clearly important to your dad and has become a permanent fixture. Otherwise you’re going to have this crop up all the time. I wish you peace and healing OP whatever you decide, I’m just giving you the perspective of a total stranger just as we all are on here 💖 It’s your wedding - you do have the choice, regardless.