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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel uncomfortable if my child invites their father's mistress?

562 replies

Zoobaloo · 02/08/2026 23:09

Looking for perspectives on the following:

Would you attend your adult DC’s wedding if they had invited their father’s mistress? Would it change if the affair was years ago? Would you feel disrespected?

OP posts:
Velumental · 02/08/2026 23:21

Zoobaloo · 02/08/2026 23:19

  1. The title is AI generated through Mumsnet and I forgot to change it. This is about my mum and dad. Sorry for the confusion!
  2. Dad had an affair multiple times with the same woman and is now married to her. It caused an ugly divorce and lots of heartache for my mum.
  3. Dad wants his new wife at my wedding. I don’t agree but he won’t come without her. I don’t think it’s fair to mum.

I wanted some opinions to decide how to navigate this going forwards

Oh if it's your wedding and you don't want her there don't invite her and he can do as he pleases.

Ezra123 · 02/08/2026 23:20

Not sure if you’re still married or not… but the answer is the same, yes I’d still attend and I’d say nothing to DC about it, and I’d be impeccably behaved

Arregaithel · 02/08/2026 23:20

irrelevant reply given @Zoobaloo's update

spokenorchid · 02/08/2026 23:20

You need to give more context here.

But I’d assume, since you have chosen to only refer to her as a mistress, that you’re either still married, or you’re long since divorced but extremely bitter about it.

Either way, your adult son/daughter is entitled to invite whoever they’d like to be there and it’s not about you.

Velumental · 02/08/2026 23:20

I'd attend my child's special occasion if they invited the devil himself. Nothing more to say about it.

Original poster
Zoobaloo · 02/08/2026 23:19
  1. The title is AI generated through Mumsnet and I forgot to change it. This is about my mum and dad. Sorry for the confusion!
  2. Dad had an affair multiple times with the same woman and is now married to her. It caused an ugly divorce and lots of heartache for my mum.
  3. Dad wants his new wife at my wedding. I don’t agree but he won’t come without her. I don’t think it’s fair to mum.

I wanted some opinions to decide how to navigate this going forwards

OP posts:
Clonakilla · 02/08/2026 23:19

I can’t think of anything that would keep me from my child’s wedding.

Ponderingwindow · 02/08/2026 23:18

I would not let my ex tarnish such a special day by worrying about his date. The day is too important for me and my adult dc.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 02/08/2026 23:17

Yes, I'd attend, because the wedding is about the adult DC, not the parents. I've been matron of honour at a friend's wedding where the bride was a bundle of nerves about whether her mother would kick off because of this sort of thing. I have been bridesmaid at another wedding where, again, bride's day was overshadowed by worries about who might sulk or make a scene. I would never do that to my children.
This is a day to be dignified and to show your DC that you can be trusted and relied upon to behave well. It's not a day to make them choose or place parental relationships in a hierarchy.

PlumPlumb · 02/08/2026 23:14

I think I wouldn't make someone else's wedding about myself.

Pancakeflipper · 02/08/2026 23:13

It depends on the circumstances.

Why is she invited ? Is the woman still in a relationship with DC's father? Or is your DC doing this as weird way to get at you? Or is the OW someone who is connected to your DC in another way (friend, colleague etc)

arethereanyleftatall · 02/08/2026 23:13

So are you still married? Why would they invite her?