AIBU to feel uncomfortable if my child invites their father's mistress?

I was the daughter in this scenario. I invited the people I wanted there, I.e. my parents. My dad decided not to come as his girlfriend wasn't invited. That was on him.

If you've gone on to develop a relationship with your dad's girlfriend and would like her there then by all means invite her. But if it's just to placate your dad then nope. He can put his big boy pants on and come alone.

I think it comes down to what you want for your wedding and what you want going forward.

If you truly don’t want her there, tell your dad you completely understand his position and that he’ll be missed. Then carry on without him. He is the one who will miss out. He seems to have little respect for what marriage stands for so it might not be a great loss.

But what are your future plans? Are you planning to have children? Will your children be interacting with the mistress, expected to call her grandma? Will you be spending time with them for Easter/Christmas etc? Or do you plan to just see your dad? Or not see your dad? I know you’re asking about your wedding but this is the start of many future plans that you might need to decide what you actually want the relationship to be.

If you don’t want her to come then don’t invite her. Explain it to her and your Dad that you don’t want to hurt your mum and then let them decide if they’d like to be grown up about it.

My FIL insisted on bringing his new girlfriend to our wedding, even though my DH asked for him not to invite her (we only had my DM as our other guest) and DHDM had recently died. He said he wouldn’t come if she wasn’t invited. So DH invited him but it caused some discomfort.

I am the second wife and my DH has an eldest daughter from his previous marriage and i would totally understand not being invited to her wedding (if she had one). It’s not a day about me or my DH. Their marriage broke up years ago but it’s not my place to dictate her guest list and it’s her day.

Well that changes nothing about the original advice, really - it’s your wedding and you invite who you want to be there. If that doesn’t include your father’s new wife, then that’s absolutely fine.

its a tricky one

If it was my wedding id want my mum to be happy and relaxed more than I would want my father’s new wife there. So yes I’d issue a single invite to dad and make it very clear that you are not inviting his wife out of respect for your mum. If he chooses not to come then that tells its own story.

Hope it all works out. Have a lovely wedding.

As it’s your wedding, you do what you feel comfortable with , if your dad is making it all about his wife , I personally wouldn’t what him there and would tell him so , it’s your day would of changed my vote to you are not being unreasonable too

It’s op’s wedding!

You go for your child.

Ok forget my post. Just read the update.

Read the update.

I wouldn’t want her there. It’s your wedding, tell him she’s not invited.

Given your update, I would tell me dad that if he won’t come without his new wife, he can’t come at all. Your mum has suffered enough at his hands, he doesn’t get to take your wedding away from her too. Sorry you’ve got him as your dad.

It might be painful for you but it’s your DCs wedding. Presumably your adult DC would be very hurt if you didn’t attend their wedding. Aside from this (which is the most important thing) I know it’s not a game but when my ex had an affair, I came on here for advice the whole time and someone posted ‘the best revenge is a life well lived’. And whilst revenge is probably not the best term here, the sentiment is correct. Go (if you feel able to), be there for your Son/ daughter, look fabulous and happy (even if you don’t feel like it) and hold your head up high. Absolutely do not miss the wedding. Smile and be nonchalant to them if your paths cross. Don’t hide away.

I don't think his wife/mistress should be invited. Your Dad's choice if he comes without her.

I put YABU thinking you were the ex wife and that if their DC wanted to invite the mistress (perhaps because they had formed a civil relationship etc) then you would just have to suck it up.

however having read your second post I can see it is your dad putting pressure on for her to be invited and so this different. What you haven’t said is what your relationship with them is like now. If your mum wasn’t a factor - would you have invited her? If you are only not inviting her for your mum I would say that’s wrong. But if you wouldn’t have invited her anyway then stick with that.

Your mum will just want you to enjoy your day. Speak to your mum about your concerns.

Do you want your dad to attend? What does your mum want?

It sounds like you will have to choose between your Mum and your Dad.

Do not put this on your DC. I appreciate there's likely deep hurt from everything that happened but do not make your DC wedding about you or force them to choose between you and their father attending. It's incredibly selfish to put your DC in that sort or position