AIBU to feel uncomfortable if my child invites their father's mistress?

WTF? Did you read the OP? What a horrible nasty post.

Your parents are both being horrible and childish. They should both WANT to attend for you, however you want then to. However, it seems clear that they both think they are important and you are not, so I guess you will have to choose. I'm so sorry your parents are such selfish brats.

when men cheat and children are involved it can affect them to. The Op dad can also not demand who is goes to her wedding and the OP can take sides. If your marriage or you are unhappy , leave don’t have an afafir its that simple. The betrayal is very hard on the person who has been betrayed and sometimes even the children depending on age. my adult childrens relationship with their dad due to his cheating hit rock bottom as they lost their trust in him as well. Op doesn’t even like his wife so she has every right not to invite her

No he comes on his own or not at all.

Exactly. Ask him this. Make him say out loud that the woman with whom he broke up your family is more important to him than his own daughter. Make him say that out loud - maybe he’ll hear himself and change his mind.

Both sets of parents, bride, groom, maid of honour and best man all at the top table.

I agreed though that OP probably should not invite her step-mom.

Based on this then no I wouldn't invite her.

A majority of people, be it any get together would only invite people they liked and you're under no obligation to invite your dad's wife, same as your dad is under no obligation to attend.

He shouldn't even expect you to change your mind. You've invited him, it's on him as to why he's declined, not you.

You do not have to invite his wife if you don’t like her (for the reasons given) and don’t want her there. If he doesn’t come it’s on him.

My son will never have to consider this as although his dad is with OW, several years later, she has a good if casual relationship with DS and am fairly certain she has never bad mouthed me. I have never bad mouthed her to DS although now he is an adult he knows she’s not my favourite person! I would leave it up to him and so long as she’s not sat next to me we are good. We can be civil when we meet but will never be friends.

Equaliy, if DS didn’t want her there. I am certain his dad would still go to the wedding.

It seems your dad isn’t prepared to realise his actions have consequences. Although I don’t think your mum should be putting pressure on you not to invite her either.

What kind of man couldn’t spend a few hours away from his spouse in order to make his child happy at her wedding.?

Ask him that question.

Surprised to see the voting- thought it would be the other way round!

No I don’t think she should be invited. Based on the fact she’s disrespected your mum and called her names. Surely it will be really awkward for her (your dad’s wife) anyway!

but as I said, if my parents didn't want to invite my husband, I wouldn't go either.

If I invite one of my kids and not their partner, I would expect them to stand up for their partner.

I vaguely remember that he wanted his new wife to have recognition, but groom didn't really know his new wife. He didn't really get on with his dad anyway and they didn't speak much. He thanked his dad for being there, and wished his mum could have been. His dad even did it through a microphone (bit drunk I think) so I think it's definitely not letting your son have their day.

Wonder what he expected his son to do. The "previous wife" was the groom's mom, ofc he'd talk about missing her. Did they expect him not to mention his deceased mother at his own wedding? Or was he supposed to mention both for fairness as in, I miss my mother but I'm happy at least my father found a replacement for his previous wife?

@CrypticClueless

The OP has said that the mother has told her that she would feel really disrespected if the lady attends the wedding. Whilst the mother is totally entitled to feel this way, at some point (and it depends how recent the affair was), she does have to get over this and not pull rank to exclude this lady, assuming that the lady starts behaving appropriately. That’s what I mean for the future - OP shouldn’t have to play happy families with this woman to have a relationship with her dad at all, but there probably does need to be a clear pathway towards a healthy set of relationships that don’t put her in the middle of bitterness and resentment. That’s on her mum as well as her dad.

If it's your wedding, and you don't want her, don't invite her.
If your dad doesn't agree, maybe it's best he doesn't come.
I remember going to a wedding where the groom's dad brought his new wife, and it went a bit weird. Groom didn't know her that well, but talked about wishing his deceased DM could be there (as of course you would), but dad got annoyed and said he was upsetting his wife by only talking about his previous wife.

Where is there any evidence that the OP's Mum is 'not behaving'?

But the Dad is making the OP choose....the OP does not want the wife there irrespective of her Mum's views.

(You can also tell your dad that you have read the riot act to your mother too and you will be watching her behaviour closely)

I think that one key issue is that the mistress is not behaving well around your mother. Until all grown ups have settled down to a grown up relationship, all bets are off, as you can’t take the risk of anyone spoiling the day. So only your dad is invited. This is true of all future events, christenings etc, so both your mother and the mistress need to understand that childishness will result in a red card and they will get benched for the next occasion. If they really want to support you, then they will understand and behave for your sake.

I would probably feel upset, but I wouldn’t miss my child’s wedding for those bastards!!

The fact you feel the need to add a laugh/cry face tells me a lot more about you than you expect.

Its ok to disagree with people.

This. Either you wish to attend the wedding or you don’t. What you do says everything about you.

😂ok

The fact that you dislike her (& it’s YOUR day!) & she’s so disrespectful & cruel to your mum & your dad allows that, would definitely seal the deal for me - she’s not invited & if it means he doesn’t come either, then so be it! End of. You can then relax & all have a lovely day without the fear of something kicking off or your mum being upset.