Is this Mumsnet for me? Shocked at responses

Very unreasonable of the mods to delete @TheGirlWhoLived’s post.

(For context, some years ago, when all this was green fields, someone started a thread to complain about the prevalence of swearing on MN. One of the first replies to the OP was, iirc, ‘off you fuck then, cuntychops’, which was the basis for TGWL’s unfairly deleted post.)

edited for typo.

Your post suggests you haven’t read the Talk guidelines, OP.

It’s poor etiquette to post on a forum without having read the guidelines first.

It is a hostile place at times but my experience of other boards is that if they prevent the overt hostility people just get cleverer and more sneaky (and in my experience more damaging) about being hostile.

I don't think there's any board that has no hostility, it just depends who at the top controls it.

And I swear like a trooper in real life so it's refreshing not to be treated like a child on here.

@Su9 - if you started a thread without first reading the MN Guidelines then I’m afraid you only have yourself to blame if you didn’t understand whatever responses you received.

Group rules about swearing? Bloody hell, we’re not at school! But personal attacks are not allowed so report as necessary.

Being (not bring) unkind? Don’t be silly.

Basic courtesy? Are you kidding? Basic courtesy would be reading a full thread before posting - a good 70% of posters cannot even manage that.

Maybe it’s not for you. But you could try a gardening thread, or frugal housekeeping, or The Archers - those are mostly civilised.

Gosh, being unkind, swearing, lack of courtesy? I’m not sure the internet is for you, let alone mumsnet.

No but there is a difference between hard truths, and downright nasty. Unfortunately to allow the former it seems Mumsnet also allows the latter and it often steps over the line.

some people are nasty. This site allows it

No one is forcing you to stay.

Damn, you beat me to it.

edited to add that the post I quoted seems to have been deleted.

To be honest, I think that’s the appeal of it. The honesty, the hard truths. Sometimes when an OP writes a post about her shit husband you need to say ‘Fuck me Susan, you are an utter mug for putting up with this crap! Are you blind? Come the fuck on! Wake up!’

There is little point in writing ‘Gently, I think you should consider your options. Have you considered counselling?’

The one I reported said that people from 'certain races' had lower IQs which led to a natural propensity to being violent criminals
By Mumsnet standards that's a strong opinion, to the rest of the world its known as the discredited and highly racist theory of eugenics.

Nobody likes a whinger

Yes it is moderated

yes the rules are set by the owners
they allow people to swear

thank god

Stay off AiBU and find a special interest board.

I reckon you started a thread, didn’t get the responses you wanted, flounced.

For your own sake, leave. You sound very invested in mumsnet.

The moderation depends on you reporting things after the fact, and it’s very inconsistent. I once reported a comment that said the Jews had organised 9/11 behind the scenes to start a war to wipe out their enemies by controlling the US Gov response. Instead of deleting (it as it was an expression of the most basic of anti Semitic tropes), mods told me it was just an opinion to which we are all entitled 🤣 I mean what can you do.
I resolve to always try and be reasonable in my responses and not act like a dick, don’t pile on and understand you’re on your own, the mods aren’t saving you!!!

Firstly, I will swear (and I very much do) if I want to. You can take offence but I can’t give it, so if you don’t like swear words then unfortunately, that’s on you.

Secondly, Rules about being unkind? What do you define as being unkind? Honesty? A difference of opinion? Women have been told to ‘be kind’ since god was a boy, it’s a veiled attempt at telling women with differing views to shut up.

@Su9 What's wrong with swearing? And people come here for honest advice which can feel "unkind" at times but unkind is not synonymous to untrue. If you want sycophants then stay away from MN.

I would avoid AIBU rather than the site as a whole. Most of the other boards are gentler, as long as you don't set out to be deliberately goady.

There's very little modding imo. Eg personal attacks aren't allowed, and get deleted very quickly if they are reported - but I've seen quite a few where its a person lashing out, in response after receiving carefully written but nasty posts, and it seems mods either don't read the context or don't care.
I've also reported what I thought was clear racism a few times only to get a response that it's a 'strong opinion' and not against the rules, which was disappointing.

Netmums is that way ➡️

Humans can be complete and utter shits, can't they? Especially when they're safely behind a screen. There are some rules here, but being forthright, obnoxious, bitchy, sweary and rude are absolutely permitted.
If you want to report a post you can, using the 3 dots on the top right.

It’s possible that MN isn’t the site for you. Women are allowed to swear, and I think you’ll find that we are over being told we should be kind. Most people on here are decent, but we also don’t mince our words.

You get warts and all especially in AIBU. If you don't agree with what's being posted you can report each post or the opening post to try to get the whole thread deleted. I'd go elsewhere if you don't like MN rules. I hear the WI is excellent 😊