Is this Mumsnet for me? Shocked at responses

@GinToBegin But unless you are the one seeking advice or support, how do you know the response hasn't been negated by "one or more fucks" as you put it?

I am yet to see an otherwise helpful or supportive response to someone in need that has somehow been negated by one or more fucks. And honestly, if someone is going to dismiss an otherwise sound comment because of profanity, that’s their loss.

I don’t swear prolifically irl, and probably even less so here, but uncensored language has always been a thing here. It’s part and parcel of the site, take it or leave it.

I can understand that @Sausagenbacon but in some cases other mums come on here looking for advice, support or help with an issue. I see that but I can't help thinking that swearing doesn't really help except, perhaps, for the swearer. Surely we are all grown up enough to make our point or give advice (or not) without swearing? Does swearing really add any value to a discussion?

Perhaps they see and understand the potential value of MN but also acknowledge that its value is undermined by the excessive use of swearing?

'Being a SAHM means to you are lazy and financially leeching off your DH, who absolutely could have had his career, children, home etc (with the 18hrs days and global travel) without you there as his linchpin.'

• yes, I feel like sometimes people have a valid point if someone thinks their childcare and housework/managing (which everyone should agree IS invaluable) is fully irreplaceable so their husband could never leave them. Obviously the presence of a mother and the household managing SAHMs do IS irreplaceable, but if a DH does want to cheat/leave and is very high earning he would presumably be able to pay for live-in nannies, housekeepers etc. So in that sense people should never assume that in terms of logistics their DH could never leave even if he turned nasty.

But people who devalue SAHM's role, call it leeching etc are horrible.

I don't think it's just AIBU its all over the boards some more than others.

With the taking advice thing. Sometimes its that the op has decided to take the type of advice they feel works for them. Sometimes that's from a quieter poster . But no one has noticed because they are to busy with their own replies. Sometimes the advice just doesn't fit because its more complicated than that. Things are not always as simple as do ABC .
And people Sometimes just want to be heard. Talk about and explore the situation. People want to fix things its not always as neat and tidy as that.

I do understand the very human need sometimes to just vent. Some OPs aren’t looking for answers - they want to let off steam and perhaps get some validation. The sensible ones admit it, though.

The OPs who don’t answer questions or engage at all after their first post are definitely the worst though. That’s the main reason I would never start a thread - I would feel I had to be on had to participate right through.

I think MN is fairly representative of RL. AIBU can sting, but you don't need to engage, no one forces you to. I scroll past most of it.

A lot of the other boards are hugely supportive, especially Relationships. The advice there can be brutal, but is generally well intentioned. I have no doubt that there are women whose lives have been saved by having the truth about their abusive partners being pointed out.

I find MN supportive, educative and sometimes challenging. That's not a bad thing though.

I think people get compassion fatigue . I’ve given blunt replies when it’s clear the person asking for “help” aren’t really looking for help but a moan. People have given great advice but they don’t want to take it.

Have you ever wondered why some people react like this?
Thats an interesting part of psychology to look at tbh. I suspect you’d find a lot to learn there.

Because we all do. We all have our blind spots, our fears, our automatic reactions that weve learnt in childhood. Wondering why people react like that is disingenuous imo

Or a poster that has been genuinely hurt by some of the comments.

Why is it that, in your world, people only complain for no good reason and because they are wrong? Are you never putting yourself into question?

I mean if that’s your starting point, I’m not surprised of the way some threads go tbh

I’ve seen some very helpful replies but also some pretty blunt ones. Especially when women come here and moan about their partner but then spent time defending them/refusing to do anything.

True too.

Because moaning and judging gives people a sense of being better than.
That's why why so many posters on MN put people down, tell other posters theyre stupid or have a go at them fur doing something they can’t change (like marrying the person theyre struggling with now).

Exactly.

Blimey - where would MN be without people 'moaning'? Isn't that what we're all doing? You're here moaning (as you put it) about people moaning!

For moaning read: expressing a valid opinion in response to OP's question, and as part of a dynamic discussion.

Take the moaning out of Mumsnet and what would you be left with?

The incessancy and unoriginality of these "Mumsnet and all of its users (except me) are vile and horrible" threads is so tedious. Leave then FFS!

I used to find Flouncers Corner a great source of amusement back in the day.

OP: Your are all dreadful and I'm leaving.
Also OP a bit later: You are all still awful and I'm definitely leaving.
OP, 3000 posts later: I'M STILL LEAVING.

That’s what a lot of MN is about. Moaning about other people.

😂

FWIW I stay because it is an easy click away from what I am doing/between tasks and I don't agree with plastering pics all over the internet style SM.

But I am finding it is reducing my concentration levels, so am trying to stop!

and there's a lot of posters who think that disagreement is being rude.

There are some pps who don't know the difference between directness and rudeness.

I also think sometimes that is a bit disingenuous and they just use "directness" as a cover.

But you do know that there are other places, perhaps more congenial to your requirements?
MN isn't the only online space.

Because moaning and judging gives people a sense of being better than.
That's why why so many posters on MN put people down, tell other posters theyre stupid or have a go at them fur doing something they can’t change (like marrying the person theyre struggling with now).

That’s what a lot of MN is about. Moaning about other people.

Now why do people who struggling a lot with some attitudes on MN stay?
Often because they have no support network at all and can’t get the support they need in RL.
Because voyeurism is a strong urge in many people.
Because they are lonely.
Many reasons that explains 1 in 3 (apparently) women in the U.K. use MN.

@Alwayshasbeen19

I sympathise, Always. There are some pps who don't know the difference between directness and rudeness. If there are any here now, I'll be happy to explain. I suspect some know the difference very well, but they love to put the boot in - as a pp said upthread, it's a great dopamine hit for them.

Pet hates of mine are:

pps saying OP is lying or making things up: unlikely, but even if they are, look at it as a hypothetical question and answer it in good faith. So what?

pps reading between the lines: 'you don't like her much!' 'you sound snobbish' etc etc ad nauseam Focus on the question and leave the character assassination out.

pps not reading or comprehending the OP: asking how old a child is or how long someone's been with their partner etc etc when OP has given that information.

pps criticising SPAG when it's irrelevant; I've seen distressed OPs pulled apart for their bad spelling. Not cool.

pps being blunt and crude and thinking they're direct (I say it how it is, me!). There's a difference.