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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt after being left out by baby group friend?

132 replies

empee47 · 02/08/2026 17:08

More of a WWYD really? Friend from baby group moved house a fortnight ago so dropped in card to her new house on Friday evening as I was passing, at about 8pm on way home from gym. Outside her house were three cars all belonging to the others in the group. Quite obviously she’d invited them round for a little soirée but not me - wwyd?

OP posts:
usernamemustnotcontainspecialcharacters · 02/08/2026 19:14

Dit back and watch the squirm. They willl know you know

DeftGoldHedgehog · 02/08/2026 19:06

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/08/2026 19:02

But what would you gain from making it clear that you know you have been excluded? You just underline your own isolation, make yourself look a bit weird and stalky and give them an excuse to gossip about you.

Always rise above. Unless someone has been explicitly unkind to you.

People can choose their own friends. Its harsh but true and making people feel beholden to you isn’t conducive either to friendship or to your dignity.

Walk away with your head high and move on. They are not your people.

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Not really. You've dropped a card in on the way back from the gym. It's they who are behaving weirdly. As for the gossip - let them. So what. What would you gain? Maybe an explanation. Or knowing that they have deliberately excluded you if they are embarrassed. In which case you know where you stand and can move on. Instead of wondering, speculating, and starting threads about it social media.

sandgrown · 02/08/2026 19:02

@naivemelody88 I have a lovely new group of friends thank you . I still have occasional contact with my school friend and actually feel quote sorry for her as there was a huge family fallout. That’s why she is now in Australia.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/08/2026 19:02

DeftGoldHedgehog · 02/08/2026 18:48

It's the opposite. I wouldn't be begging to join them. But it would be interesting to know what they said about it and whether they were uncomfortable. I'd make my excuses and leave them to it.

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But what would you gain from making it clear that you know you have been excluded? You just underline your own isolation, make yourself look a bit weird and stalky and give them an excuse to gossip about you.

Always rise above. Unless someone has been explicitly unkind to you.

People can choose their own friends. Its harsh but true and making people feel beholden to you isn’t conducive either to friendship or to your dignity.

Walk away with your head high and move on. They are not your people.

SmolTiny · 02/08/2026 19:01

Did you drop off the card?
I wouldn't.

And I wouldn't bother with her or them any more.

EverMissWicklowSometimes · 02/08/2026 19:01

empee47 · 02/08/2026 18:36

We all met in the same place at the same time, 14 years ago!

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YABU to refer to them as friends from baby group after 14 years!

deeahgwitch · 02/08/2026 19:00

I would be gutted too @empee47

Anywherebuthere · 02/08/2026 18:58

She can invite who she likes and it's nothing to do you with you. You can do the same too.

She has her reason that she has no obligation to explain or justify.

It would be childish to stop talking to someone because of this (as someone has suggested). It also doesn't mean she doesn't like you.

People can have different friendships and get together with them without there being a negative reason. Don't take it personally.

SuperMagicHappyForest · 02/08/2026 18:57

Did you drop the card through the door?

DeftGoldHedgehog · 02/08/2026 18:48

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/08/2026 18:45

God no. Undignified and desperate. Never beg for friendship or try to force it.

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It's the opposite. I wouldn't be begging to join them. But it would be interesting to know what they said about it and whether they were uncomfortable. I'd make my excuses and leave them to it.

Citronella321 · 02/08/2026 18:48

Snufkin88 · 02/08/2026 18:45

The alternative is being straight with someone and not stringing them along pretending to be a friend . Is that not obvious ?

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That depends on whether this was a 1 off or a recent development or whether it's been a regular thing.

JMSA · 02/08/2026 18:45

That sucks. Sorry, OP.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/08/2026 18:45

DeftGoldHedgehog · 02/08/2026 18:44

I'd have been tempted to ring the doorbell and see if she/they were embarrassed.

'Just dropping this card off and thought I'd say hi. I won't disturb you as you have company and I'm a bit sweaty from the gym. Oh Claire, Lucy, Rebecca, hi...'

Edited

God no. Undignified and desperate. Never beg for friendship or try to force it.

Snufkin88 · 02/08/2026 18:45

Citronella321 · 02/08/2026 18:43

They're adults. They can socialise with whoever they like and they're not obliged to spend time with people they don't wish to. I agree that it's hurtful though but what's the alternative if they don't want the OP to join them?

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The alternative is being straight with someone and not stringing them along pretending to be a friend . Is that not obvious ?

throwawayimplantchat · 02/08/2026 18:44

I’d be absolutely gutted if I was you OP, I don’t blame you at all for being really upset x

DeftGoldHedgehog · 02/08/2026 18:44

I'd have been tempted to ring the doorbell and see if she/they were embarrassed.

'Just dropping this card off and thought I'd say hi. I won't disturb you as you have company and I'm a bit sweaty from the gym. Oh Claire, Lucy, Rebecca, hi...'

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/08/2026 18:43

I think this is just one of those things. It’s painful to be on the receiving end of this but the blunt truth is you can’t force someone to be your friend. No one is owed friendship. What people think of you is their business, as they say.

You also don’t know the circumstances here. There may be a reason she wasn’t able to invite you.

I would play it cool, keep an open mind but put a bit of distance between you and her.

Citronella321 · 02/08/2026 18:43

Snufkin88 · 02/08/2026 18:30

I don’t really get people who behave like this . It is hurtful behaviour and she’s not your friend frankly .

They're adults. They can socialise with whoever they like and they're not obliged to spend time with people they don't wish to. I agree that it's hurtful though but what's the alternative if they don't want the OP to join them?

MaggiesShadow · 02/08/2026 18:42

Fourteen YEARS??? Jesus, I take back my suggestion to stay casual friends. That was deliberately cruel.

Bin them off, @empee47. Do you have another circle of friends?

mumuseli · 02/08/2026 18:42

Sorry to hear this. Are you 100% sure they were all their cars? I wouldn’t recognise many of my friends cars.

Original poster
empee47 · 02/08/2026 18:41

MyLimeGuide · 02/08/2026 18:40

Sometimes friends mugging you off can be more hurtful than a partner, Im still upset about a best friend in year 7 I had that literally turned on me overnight! its their loss OP I would distance yourself and accept they aren't your people xxx

Thank you xx

OP posts:
MyLimeGuide · 02/08/2026 18:40

Sometimes friends mugging you off can be more hurtful than a partner, Im still upset about a best friend in year 7 I had that literally turned on me overnight! its their loss OP I would distance yourself and accept they aren't your people xxx

Citronella321 · 02/08/2026 18:40

It hurts but in your shoes I'd move on. Find your friends elsewhere.

Original poster
empee47 · 02/08/2026 18:40

Dancingsquirrels · 02/08/2026 18:29

Did she invite the whole group except you?

If so, I'm not surprised you feel hurt. You could ask one of the others if she knows why you weren't included. If eg it's a misunderstanding as they all thought you were on holiday, this might be quite easily resolved

If she just felt she got on better with the others, you might choose to stay in contact but match their energy, drop the rope a bit ie move them from friends to old NCT crowd". So, remain on good terms, see them from time to time but accept you're not included in everything

I feel your pain. I turned up at a friend's house to discover various other friends at a party. The first part was I felt so humiliated that they all realised I hadnt been invited

Got you, yes, I’m sure you felt hurt. Yes, all invited apart from me. They knew I wasn’t on holiday and my gym days are not fixed so not as if she’d have thought no point inviting me as I’d be at gym.

OP posts:
Original poster
empee47 · 02/08/2026 18:37

Snufkin88 · 02/08/2026 18:30

I don’t really get people who behave like this . It is hurtful behaviour and she’s not your friend frankly .

No, nor do I , I’ve come to that conclusion too, that she’s not really a friend either.

OP posts: