AIBU to feel hurt after being left out by baby group friend?

This happened to me years ago. We were a small group of friends from school & still hung out when we started working. Two of them got married (I was invited to 1 of them) then they started having ‘couples’ dinners. I wasn’t invited because I wasn’t dating. I had to shrug it off & move on. Haven’t seen or spoke to them since.

Well yes, but the bbq is a social event. If three sets of kids wanted to, say, see a particular movie at home, I can see how a mum might get left out., if her kid wouldn't be interested.

Yes I was thinking this too. Maybe the kids were there, watching a movie or something while the parents had a dinner party, and the kids dynamic was a factor as to who was invited.

I totally agree !
im the type of person that would invite all my close friends to a bbq and then its up to them to say they can’t make it. To deliberately exclude one member out of a small group feels deliberate to me.. it reminds me of bitchy teenage friendship groups at school.
I would be terribly hurt and it really would undermine the friendship.

Ouch, that must really sting!

One thought, though - how much time have you actually spent with them lately?

I've got close friends who get together regularly. There's another friend who is really busy. She'd like to get together more, but over the years we've just sort of stopped asking her to casual last minute things, because she needs things booked months in advance. We do ask her to things that are planned well ahead. Any chance it's something like that?

I walked in on a celebration crowded with mutual group members/friends when dropping off a parcel to a housemate.
I greeted them in a confused/surprised friendly way for the wider group to explain they were celebrating housemate's graduation. I had always defended housemate when others had said she wasn't as genuine or as lovely as I thought she was.
I was less hurt then I thought I would be, knowing I'd done nothing wrong and aware in the split second I walked in, my confused reaction had revealed herself to the wider group.

I felt a bit sad but educated and quite impressed she'd manage to get 15 people into her ground floor room whilst I was at home on the top floor; they must of been ninjas!

I would also feel a sting from this. I think some posters are really reaching with the possible reasons for it. If there's a group of five and you want to invite the other 4, then that's what you do, no way has this happened unintentionally. I would just reassess where you stand with this woman. The other 3 may not feel the same way as her so I wouldn't step back from the group entirely, just be more cautious with soirée woman.

That's very unkind. And especially as being excluded probably made the trauma worse.

I'd be upset. And I'd probably distance myself from a group like that. The only reason I can think is that you regularly go to the gym and have declined invitations at the time and day before.

It’s hurtful behaviour, even more so that you would never have known about it if you hadn’t popped the card round.
I’ve been through similar. My ‘friends’ had set up another WhatsApp group without me in it and one of them mistakenly posted on the original one about a night out they’d all had together. The only reason I can think of is I’d been through a recent severe trauma but it hurts and I feel really sad for you.

My NCT only had 5 couples and I was much friendlier with two out of the five, but wouldn’t have excluded a couple for a whole group gathering. We didn’t stay in touch though after a couple of years - my two ‘friends’ in the group moved well away from the area - so it’s def possible not to keep friendships going if it’s uncomfortable for you.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do. If you’re friendlier with another couple/woman in the group maybe retain that but I’d be wary now.

I’m in a similar size group and I am definitely more the acquaintance rather than the core friend - I do know this deep down, but every so often some action makes it more obvious and it’s hurtful. One of the group had an op this summer so the group bought flowers - a nice thing to do and I have no issue with this other than a couple of years ago I had a similar op and there were no group flowers for me.

You’re being judgemental to assume that’s why. My friend recently asked if she wasn’t invited to a meet up with our third friend because she was larger than us. I’ve never even thought about that and it’s strange you’d assume your friends think so lowly of you.

My friend wasn’t invited btw because other friend and I have our own separate relationship (that predates ours by 10 years!) and we’re allowed to foster that alone sometimes.

You say you've all known each other 14 years - so presumably your children are all 14. Is it possible the children were there too and do they all have kids that got in better together or all girls and you have a son? Just clutching at straws really. I know sometimes adults do more together when their children are more friends.

Ouch that’s hard - this is happened to me more times than I want to remember. No reason that I can think of - you’re going to have to get some space and time between it happening to lessen the sting and distance yourself- nothing can be done but move on im afraid but I am sorry you had to go through that when you were being so kind

That’s awful, yes you need to reassess the friendship particularly with the friend who didnt invite you.

Or spectacularly good timing as @empee47 now has clarity about these 'friendships'

Some of them won’t care. Sadly.

Yes! A friend group (assuming couples) and one couple throw a dinner party but "oh no, our table only seats 8, guess we will have to leave someone out...." and a) they dont think of a different way to do it such as a group takeaway with no formal seating and b) no one said anything to OP.

Nope.Not buying it. This was deliberate.

Ouch, that would sting me too. I remember scrolling on Facebook and seeing friends been out without inviting me. As another poster says, it can hurt (and has done) more than a partner. Especially long friendships like yours. Times like this make you reassess things. You were kind to even think about posting a card and I guess I would have wanted to have been heard on the gravel, make them think "oh shit perhaps I should have invited X"!!

Really? On a Friday night?

Thats a hell of a stretch!

Could it have been a couples’ dinner party and her table only seats 8?

*would strongly ignore this advice OP, don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.
Or you could respect yourself and realise she us a fair weafriend.

Or i would think i sm an a grown woman and don't have to be invited to everything like i am 5
I see your pov but if you were part of a small group that you thought were close friends but you were the only one not invited, you really wouldn't be a little put out?

I am part of a wide friendship group that has evolved and developed over the decades.
Often some of the group have trips out and not everyone is invited, or a couple may go on holiday and that us OK, but my core group of friends include me on things and they are included with my plans. I would be hurt if they excluded me and had a gathering without me and kept it quiet.

Op, upon reflection do you consider they might be closer friends with each other?