AIBU to feel hurt after being left out by baby group friend?

I'm wondering if it was a planned meet-up or if they all went there are gym class? It seems very strange. I'm in a friendship group of five people. We met in baby class in 2018 and our husbands are friends too. We're always mindful of including everyone (even if we know they can't make it) and we do get-togethers via our group WhatsApp.

so pedantic. Why is there anything wrong with this? How else is she supposed to refer to them? While she could have just said 'friends' the whole context of the story is that they were a GROUP of 5 people and she was the only one left out, so if she had just said friend it wouldn't have made any sense. Similarly if she had just said 'friend from a group' it would have sounded weird and people would have detrained the thread accusing her of being unnecessarily vague about the mysterious group in the way they moan about DH's with 'outing' hobbies!

'baby group' gives a lot of background details in just one word, it indicates they've known each other for a while, that they've probably shared a lot with each other, that their kids all know each other (which makes it more complicated to just dump them completely) etc. More to the point, it's ONE additional word that doesn't negatively impact your life or affect you in any way.

I'm so sick of this unnecessarily critical and bitchy attitude on here. If you don't want to leave a vaguely useful comment just scroll on. You aren't obliged to leave a post on every single thread you read, you know.

Devil's advocate here, but after 14 years, would it really still be that formal? I no longer divide my friends into strict "groups". People are more complex than that. I no longer have the "preschool group", I have some friends who I originally met when my kids were in that group. The individual friendships have become more important - the "group" ceased to exist a long time ago.

To post a card through a door? Seriously?

I completely agree. 💯 Even if I didn't like one of the five people in a group, I’d still invite everyone. Leaving someone out is just cruel, and honestly, it makes you look like a complete jerk. I wouldn't want to be left out, so why do it to someone else? Treat people how you want to be treated.

Apologies, I don't think you said that you've had a relationship breakdown!

I'm playing devil's advocate here and am certainly not casting any aspersions, but could there be a reason that you weren't invited? Have you been talking about your relationship breakdown often?

Sounds like shes a proper mean girl. Some women don't seem to grow out of that school yard exclusionism. The number of posts on here about school gate bitchiness shows that. Its such a shame and so hurtful. You just have to think its coming from an unpleasant place and there are nicer friends out there. Screw them!

If only 2 or 3 of the 5 were invited, then I would agree. But when just one person in the group is not invited, then it feels like they were deliberately excluded.

I don't think anyone 'deserves an explanation' for why someone didn't invite them to a specific social occasion. The host simply wanted to see people other than the OP.

You have nothing to lose in asking her OP. She will know that you saw the cars (given the card in the post box) so I would just message her and ask why. If she makes up a flimsy excuse, then you know she’s phasing you out. Then just refocus on the others in the group and maybe invite them out separately? It is hurtful and you deserve an explanation.

I agree with this. Similar has happened to me, like others who have posted, Long term friend 30+ years, godparents to her children, then began excluding me from events, although I’m still sociable with them all.
I adopted the ‘Let Them’ approach and concentrated on building friendships with other people. It really does help.

Enjoy your gym and you’ll get to know likeminded gym buddies there. Still be in touch with the baby group though but maybe focus on the gym more

You have every right to feel hurt by this, I would too. I would suggest reading a book called ‘The Let Them Theory’ by Mel Robbins - you could download the audio book for when you are at the gym. It won’t fix your shit so called friends but it will make you care a lot less. Also, I wouldn’t confront them, you likely won’t get a truthful answer since they feel the need to sneak about so it’s unlikely any excuses they make will only make you feel any better.

She wasn’t, she was putting a card through the door.

That sucks! I am so sorry.

Have they said anything @empee47

It’s really shit OP. A lot of us have been through similar

I had a ‘best’ friend of many years who had a ‘birthday’ spa day which I wasn’t invited to - only knew after seeing the photos on social media. I wasn’t too fussed as at the time, as she knew as we had literally spoken a couple of days earlier, that I was going through a tough time. It actually turned out it was her hen party and I also only found out about the wedding a few weeks later when it was posted on social media too! Have not spoken to her since. Have no interest in speaking to her ever again.

Mmmmm not great nor to think you've wasted 14 years with them... i'm sorry difficult to get past that one but you'll have no choice... and step Back put up an unflappable front at the same time

@empee47 has she texted a thank you for the card?!

My advice is to stop investing so heavily in baby group mum friendships. Honestly, I felt the same with these mums and school mums at one stage but when you examine what’s really going on, it’s rare you have enough in common to sustain long term friendships with the vast majority of them.
See it for what it is and enjoy a bit of company and a capacity them while you’re at baby activities. Build your actual connections elsewhere.

That’s really really shitty behaviour. In another life I’d have probably walked away licking my wounds, mulling over it for weeks and getting myself in a right tizz.
But now, I’d have very passively aggressively stomped up the gravel drive and made sure the mailbox slammed shut before stomping back down the drive …. And waited to see what happened.
They need to know you know 😏

Totally understand why you’re hurt. That was unkind of her to exclude you. Especially as you were thoughtful enough to drop in a card

Yes I totally get how you feel and would be hurt too. How you deal with it depends on how much you value them as a group and to some degree as individuals. Are you closer to anyone in particular? If so I might approach and ask why I’d been left out. Is there a group chat? If I were consigning them to the friendship bin I might put a cheeky ‘how were your drinks last Friday?’ message just for shits and giggles.

friends don’t do this. If one person in my group were excluded, I would query this with the inviter, as a gentle call out. I’m just not into this mean girl shit as an adult. Of course people can prefer others but unless there is a big backstory or the OP is an absolute nasty piece of work, which seems unlikely, then there can be no good reason to exclude just one person in the name of preference. It’s deliberate and mean.

these things are hard but they also shine a light on true friends and sort the wheat from the chaff. In the end it’s best you know now if these women are not your true friends.

update us on what you do but know you deserve more so hold your head up high whatever you decide to do.

Hi op yes it’s very hurtful especially as it’s a small group did she acknowledge your card? I would be hurt by this but only you can decide if you want to keep the friendship. But yes very mean of her.