To think my age gap / sugar baby relationship is nobody else’s business?

Many people will never meet the love of their lives, and so many settle anyway.

You only attract judgement when you settle for someone wealthy. If you were into a transactional relation with someone near minimum wage, because you can't afford a flat on your own or whatever reason, no one would judge you.

So I believe most judgements are very hypocritical, and there must be a reason why they are so bitter against you.

I find it very cold to have a relationship with someone you don't really like, it's very superficial but it hurts no one but you.

'earning just under £100k. I wasn’t struggling, but equally I wasn’t exactly living the life I wanted either.'

Exacrly what kind of life did you want that £100,000 a year (with no dependants) couldn't facilitate?

The amount of people earning £100K or more a year - in the UK - is less than 4% of the entire population. The amount of people under 30 that earn amount is infinitesimal ... Around 0.8% of them.

Yet inexplicably there are LOADS of them on this thread, (and loads of posters have young adult children who allegedly earn 6 figures.)

Absolutely fantastical. Almost unbelievable!

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AIBU to think people are being hypocritical about my relationship?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I’m 29. Until last year I worked in an office job earning just under £100k. I wasn’t struggling, but equally I wasn’t exactly living the life I wanted either.

About 18 months ago I met a man in his early 60s. He’s very wealthy. Before anyone asks, yes, this is essentially a sugar relationship.

He pays my rent, gives me a monthly allowance, takes me on holidays, buys me lovely gifts etc. In return, we spend time together, go out for dinner, weekends away and yes, we have sex.

The thing is, it isn’t as transactional as people imagine. We do the whole “love you” thing, kiss goodbye, hold hands, cuddle on the sofa and so on. But I honestly think we’re both cynical enough to understand exactly what we’re doing. I know I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t wealthy. Equally, I doubt he’d have pursued me if I were his age. It sounds awful written down, but it feels strangely honest.

We’re genuinely fond of each other and enjoy each other’s company, we make each other laugh, we’ll happily spend hours talking over dinner, watch films together, i look forward to his messages during the day, but neither of us is pretending it’s some sweeping romance.

The issue is his family.

He has children who are roughly my age. They’re polite enough to my face, but I know they judge me. I completely understand why they might. From their perspective I’m probably just some gold-digger waiting for their inheritance - despite the fact there’s a will to ensure I get nothing. But equally, they’re all financially comfortable because of him, so I do wonder whether they’re judging me for benefiting from his money while being perfectly happy to benefit themselves.

A friend also found out recently and was horrified. She said I was “selling myself” and couldn’t understand how I could live like this.

I don’t really see it that way. Plenty of people marry primarily for money or status and convince themselves it’s love. At least we’re honest with ourselves.

So… AIBU to think it’s nobody else’s business, as long as we’re both consenting adults who know exactly what the arrangement is? Or is everyone else right and I’m kidding myself?

My best friend is in a similar situation but gay so no children to contend with. The man is 71 and we’re 33. He pays him 10k a month and also pays for expensive holidays and trips out. He’s living his best life and doesn’t even have sex with him anymore. It’s unbelievable and his stories just fill me with sheer awe.

I don’t judge, it isn’t my place to. People can have their own principles and ethics without insisting everyone else abides by them (heinous crimes obviously omitted). You’re happy, that’s all that matters. The only thing I’d worry about is money when he dies or if he just dropped you out of nowhere/became seriously sick. Make sure you have savings.

Indeed, a man who likes to spend money with little effort is an aphrodisiac for me.

I have never dated a poor man, and I made sure my husband was wealthy before going anywhere near him.

Respectable or not, I would rather be in the OP's position than be married with a village of children, working two jobs, and still struggling.

All relationships are transactional - some transactions are just more societally acceptable than others, but if you are both happy and you have respect for one another, I don't see an issue.

I thought this. Realistically if you want to be a SAHM with lots of money one of his sons would have been a better shout… doubt they’d be up for it now but if you’re brave you could give it a try. 😂

To be fair at 29 and him early 60s, he’s old enough to be her father not grandfather, unless he was a dad at 14 or 15 and his kid was also a parent early teens.

', I would rather be in the OP's position than be married with a village of children, working two jobs, and still struggling'

• right but how many women in the UK are in that position? Most women in the UK don't have a 'village of children ' or work 2 jobs, unless you mean the double shift of housework & childcare.

This. The posts seem a bit odd to me.

No she isn’t. Plenty of wives have sex with their husband for transactional reasons, whether that’s to keep the peace or to just oil the wheels of the marriage. OP is willingly having sex with someone she is also choosing to date.

Yep this. ^ This doesn't describe my life, and it has never been like this. Same with most women I know. In my social circle women are educated and intelligent and earn good money, and don't need a sugar daddy old enough to be their grandfather to give them a decent lifestyle.

Yep this. ^ This doesn't describe my life, and it has never been like this. Same with most women I know. In my social circle women are educated and intelligent and earn good money, and don't need a sugar daddy old enough to be their grandfather to give them a decent lifestyle.

Yes, I feel like pp is using a dramatic example that most women aren't in to make OP's situation seem better. Just because something's better than slaving a 2 jobs with many children doesn't mean it's that good..!

I'd actually go out on a limb and argue that in some ways, a woman slaving at two jobs with many children is in a very difficult situation but maybe in a sense has some things the OP's doesn't have. The OP doesn't work and the relationship is transactional not romantic according to her account. It sounds nice in theory to have time to chill and enjoy yourself but also somewhat empty.

I find it hard to imagine someone quitting a £100000 job for a transactional relationship as some source of income. But what do I know,

Oh yeah I forgot, This is MN the home of all the 100k a year earners.

😆LOLOLOLOL! Oh yeah, that's me, DRIPPING with envy at the OP's life with a man old enough to be her grandad. I'll stick with my gorgeous husband ta, who is 6 MONTHS older than me. And he doesn't need to support me either, because I am quite capable of earning my own money.