AIBU to feel hurt by DH’s comment after sex postpartum?

Yikes what a cunt! I assume he looks like a god 🙄 hopefully he traps his tiny dick in the door

@nc42day ,

‘Experts estimate that it will be at least 10 to 20 years, if not longer, before a biological male (or a transgender woman) can successfully give birth using a transplanted womb. While some fertility specialists have stated that the surgery is technically "doable" sooner, major medical, anatomical, and ethical hurdles mean human clinical trials are a long way off’

10-20 years doesn’t seem that long to me. And, normally, when things are doable, humans end up doing them.

@nc42day ,

‘Experts estimate that it will be at least 10 to 20 years, if not longer, before a biological male (or a transgender woman) can successfully give birth using a transplanted womb. While some fertility specialists have stated that the surgery is technically "doable" sooner, major medical, anatomical, and ethical hurdles mean human clinical trials are a long way off’

10-20 years doesn’t seem that long to me. And, normally, when things are doable, humans end up doing them.

It's strange that you think OP reacting strongly (not that I think she should rage and shout at her husband, but just reacting with obvious disfavour and upset, and perhaps not carefully chosen words) would be her introducing discord, when he is the one who made an unnecessary comment that was either thoughtlessly or deliberately cruel, which any grown man would know had the potential to be enormously hurtful.

It seems as though you think a man should be able to insult his wife's body, and also should be able to react badly if she is ungraciously upset about that insult, without blame being cast on him - but she should always remain calm and graceful, and centre his feelings or she will be introducing discord.

Hm. I'm sensing a pattern here. You think that men should be allowed to speak cruelly, and have negative reactions that their wives should adjust for and accommodate, but women should always prioritise their husband's comfort above anything else, or they're causing trouble.

What are you talking about, women reject men for having small cocks all the time! In fact, having a big cock is probably the number one thing most women look for in a man!

It’s just really odd that there’s only one way every other way is wrong. I’ve said the comment was disgusting and upsetting it’s why I posted on here. Yet because Ive said I would like to speak to him and address this that’s not the way I should do it.

They want to say that how I’ve dealt with it isn’t right but also won’t tell me how else you go about situations. They want to shame me and make me feel awful with little evidence to back it but also at the same time say how they’re trying to help and support me. You don’t help someone by hurling insults at them whether that’s implicit or explicit. I came here feeling quite upset I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me but I just thought as adults we are able to have differing views.

I’ve always been under the impression you can just talk to people about things unless of course the situation is so bad that your intention isn’t to make amends. I’ve made it clearly from the staff that that’s not my intention, my intention was always to just address it. The others are saying so why post on here, I’ve also answered that by saying I just wanted to vent and there’s no pre requisites on how a post should be. People have been so untoward some verging on unkind yet expect me to share the conversation when my feelings haven’t been taken into account on here. Some solidarity this is. There seems to be a consensus that we should all act a certain way and react to things a certain way and there’s only one way.

Some have even messaged me very horrible things my post has angered some enough to take time to message me personally on here just because I haven’t reacted how apparently I should have reacted.

I didn’t come here for an internet bashing I was foolish to think this was a safe space where I could just vent then speak to my husband about how disgusting the comment was and how it made me feel that’s all. Not all this that I’ve received. That’s not to say every comment has been like that but there’s been quite a lot.

Up to this point in the posting there were many posts either directly criticising his penis or encouraging OP to trade insults, while others were telling OP her bar was on the floor if she had sex with him again, and that sex would be off the table for a long time, if not permanently. So the comment was actually accurate.

If we’re going to be entirely truthful about the response OP has had then we have to acknowledge that some posters are just here for the entertainment value and have no interest in actually helping. Some are projecting from what are clearly weak marriages and others have very obviously not read all of the updates, including the one in which OP says she and her DH lost a child to cancer - an experience which changes your whole outlook on life and puts your priorities into sharp focus. Which possibly explains why OP isn’t as keen to blow this out of all proportion and introduce the MN recommended amount of discord into what sounds like an otherwise strong marriage which is likely even stronger for the tragedy it’s endured.

If anyone is truly wanting to understand why I am being opaque please have a look at the various responses. Most weren’t trying to help me they were trying to make me feel bad about myself even of course I’m not going to share every little thought that’s been through my head. It doesn’t mean I’ve excused the behaviour just because I haven’t shared the outcome of the conversation other than I am happy with how it went. Why can’t they be enough. Maybe MN should have clear rules and guidelines if I’d have known everything had to be shared then fair enough but I didn’t and I don’t believe I’ve broken any rules regarding my post and what I choose to share.

Am I not allowed to ? It’s not a thread you’re being forced to interact with

OP the thread can’t be doing you any good at this point. From the point at which you refused to share the conversation with your DH, everything you say has been, and will continue to be picked apart. Further engagement is stressful and pointless. If it were me, I’d stop posting/ask MN for it to be taken down. If you want further input and valid discussion I’d recommend posting in relationships. It’s less combative than AIBU and doesn’t attract the same level of keyboard warriors whose only interest is putting the boot in.

@OtterlyAstounding ,

‘So you think husbands should be unimpressed by their wife giving birth? That's certainly an opinion.’

It certainly is. I very much doubt you are ‘impressed’ by your friends who have children for merely having them. People only say this on here to criticise partners.

It is amazing (well, not really, but judging by that comment ) how many women choose to give birth when there is no man involved to ‘do it for’.

I don’t mean to be flippant, you are right, giving birth itself is amazing. But, ‘in awe of it’? That’s not quite the same thing. Nor is ‘being grateful’. Most women have children because they really want them, not to do their husbands a favour.

‘Additionally, humans giving birth is much riskier than most mammals and can result in serious injury or death, and she's doing it for both of them – which includes him– while he doesn't have to assume any physical risk or damage.’

Actually, with the medical care accorded to humans in this country vs animals (which is entirely right, we are human after all!) the human birth fatality rate is a about 1/10,000 whereas for cows, for instance, it is 1/100.

It’s not that I don’t understand the outrage it’s that I don’t understand why I have to act a certain way for my upset to valid.

You’re more than welcome to report the thread

It’s just really odd that there’s only one way every other way is wrong. I’ve said the comment was disgusting and upsetting it’s why I posted on here. Yet because Ive said I would like to speak to him and address this that’s not the way I should do it.

They want to say that how I’ve dealt with it isn’t right but also won’t tell me how else you go about situations. They want to shame me and make me feel awful with little evidence to back it but also at the same time say how they’re trying to help and support me. You don’t help someone by hurling insults at them whether that’s implicit or explicit. I came here feeling quite upset I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me but I just thought as adults we are able to have differing views.

I’ve always been under the impression you can just talk to people about things unless of course the situation is so bad that your intention isn’t to make amends. I’ve made it clearly from the staff that that’s not my intention, my intention was always to just address it. The others are saying so why post on here, I’ve also answered that by saying I just wanted to vent and there’s no pre requisites on how a post should be. People have been so untoward some verging on unkind yet expect me to share the conversation when my feelings haven’t been taken into account on here. Some solidarity this is. There seems to be a consensus that we should all act a certain way and react to things a certain way and there’s only one way.

Some have even messaged me very horrible things my post has angered some enough to take time to message me personally on here just because I haven’t reacted how apparently I should have reacted.

I didn’t come here for an internet bashing I was foolish to think this was a safe space where I could just vent then speak to my husband about how disgusting the comment was and how it made me feel that’s all. Not all this that I’ve received. That’s not to say every comment has been like that but there’s been quite a lot.