My brother and I both do the same hobby, and it’s meant to be somewhere I go to improve my fitness, have fun and switch off from work. Me and him have historically been extremely close, go on holiday together, out for food etc.
The problem is, like a lot of groups, it comes with personalities, gossip and the odd bit of drama. A few months ago we had a huge falling out because several people came to me separately and told me things he’d been saying about me behind my back. I never told him who had told me because I didn’t want to create even more drama, but it really damaged my trust in him. We moved on, but our relationship has never really been the same.
Fast forward to this week. During a session the instructor accused me in front of everyone of cheating and not doing all my reps. I knew I’d done them, challenged it and carried on, but I left feeling embarrassed.
I messaged my brother afterwards because I was upset. Instead of saying something like, “That must have been embarrassing,” he immediately started defending the instructor. It was all about how he probably didn’t mean it, how that’s just his personality, how he likes winding people up, etc.
This is the bit that gets me. It feels like whenever I mention anything negative about the hobby, he automatically takes the side of the other members or instructors rather than mine. I don’t expect him to agree with everything I say, and I’m not asking him to fall out with anyone on my behalf. I just want him to acknowledge that I might be upset before jumping in to defend everyone else.
What makes it harder is that I spent years listening to him vent about work, his ex, family, life plans and everything else. I was always there to listen. Since the whole talking-behind-my-back situation, I don’t feel I get the same back.
I’ve now told him that I’ve learnt my lesson and I’ll just keep anything negative about the hobby to myself and only tell him the positives because I can’t keep having the same conversation where I feel like I’m defending myself rather than being listened to.
AIBU for expecting my own brother to hear me out first instead of automatically defending the other people involved?