AIBU to expect the original sleeping arrangements on a family holiday?

@PithyBeaker

11yr old boy & 7yr old girl should not be sharing a room. Your sister & clearly very spoiled niece both sound awful! Your poor son - niece reading his diary would be a huge issue for me - you need to have his back!

As has been suggested upthread, could you share with your ds, your sister with her dd, and your Mum could have her own room?

Could you each stay in the apartment for half the time, switch halfway? It’s not ideal when you were the one originally going to stay in the nicer place but it does stop the “one grandchild gets to see more of granny” argument

And frankly none of this will ever be ideal because your dsis sounds awful!

I agree @Passaggressfedup . He will have far more patience with her and it'll be better for their relationship if he can dip in an out than if they are forced together.

This is quite typical. The 7yo girl who looks up and idolised the 11yo, who understandably doesn't feel anywhere like she does about the relationship.....and a mother who thinks her daughter adoration is cute and therefore that the adored person should feel grateful for it and go with it.

She needs to understand that the adoration of a 7yo girl for a pre teen boy can be an absolute pain, not a blessing. He needs his space. Her girls wishes doesn't trump everything.

It’s really not fair to change the sleeping arrangements after they’d been agreed. I would simply go down the route of … “can we stick to the original plan please?” Your mum really needs to say that - and then try and take the emotion out of it. It sounds like this will escalate, with the personalities you’ve described

Presumably she can come over all day? Ask what difference it makes sleeping there.

It’s a tricky one. On one hand I can see that your mum would enjoy having both grandchildren together and I can understand the niece feeling a bit jealous and left out but there’s no way I’d agree to my 11 year old son sharing with a 7 year old cousin that winds him up because that’s not really on. Could the niece sleep in with grandmother?
Depending how large the apartment is and the bed situation and how well you all generally get on, at a push I’d suggest that your sister shares a room with her daughter, you share a room with your son and grandmother gets her own room but I can also understand that you’d prefer to stick to the original arrangement. I’d probably compromise to keep the peace.
How long are you staying for?

You are not BU, everyone would be furious

but I would make the point it's ridiculous to cram into an apartment when they already have one, but take my kid with me in my own bedroom.
You can't kick the bratty cousin out, but you can make sure your own child has privacy with you.

It’s all a mess this. This is why I never accept anyone paying for me or a greater share to do anything like this anymore. I’ve had crazy behaviour from family you have paid towards my holiday and then fumed when I’ve bought myself a cocktail for example. I also think it’s really weird that you went to the south of France when there’s no actual benefit to going there if the original holiday home isn’t available?!? What was the point then? Usually you do that to cut costs etc. I don’t think you get to say, someone promised DN she could stay with her Grandma and she has as much right to as your son. Of course you shouldn’t share a room with your sister or have cousins share when there’s enough room across two properties. You need a frank chat with your Mum and ask directly what she has said to your sister before arrival. What a palaver, my Mum would do something like this! I bet your Mum hasn’t been clear and really she should be stepping in if she hasn’t made this promise. She could say to your sister “I would have booked a 4/5 bedroom property but you said you were okay in the apartment.” Honestly, I think I would probably go with my son to the other property and do my own thing for the week, I would make it clear I’m not happy. I also think your sister is a weirdo to want to share a room with you at your ages.

Who paid for the Airbnb? If you contributed to cost of booking this, then you have every right to insist upon you and your son staying there in separate art rooms as originally planned. Your sister is being stupid and selfish to invade the arrangements.

If your sister/mum.paid for the extra accommodation then I think although it's wrong for them to mix up the sleeping plans after your arrival , it's harder to resist swapping. I hate staying as a 'free' guest' like this as your are rather beholden to this type of thing happening. .

How annoying. But since you didn't pay for any of the accommodation, I'd just announce that everyone needs their own space so one sister + child is in the AirBNB and one sister + child is in the apartment and let them choose which one they stay in. And then make the best of it and have a nice time.

It's not unreasonable that the granddaughter who lives in a different country to her DGM wants to spend time with her.

It is however very unreasonable for your sister to try and dump her bratty and daughter on you mid-tantrum when you've just arrived. I can see why the girl is the way she is if she doesn't know what the word no means.

I agree with most but at the same time family plans change because people want to spend time around each other. And people get cranky on holidays because heat, tiredness and preconceived notions. I always think this is where AIBU falls down, everyone is judging your niece who is a kid when it comes down to it, so she’s automatically going to be irrational, you said your son is cranky because of tiredness, you’re kind of all being unreasonable which is a pity as it sounded like a nice idea for a holiday.

“I love her very much but she can be quite spoiled”……… DN sounds like a little brat who has never heard the word NO!
You’re right to stand your ground OP and not give in to DSis and DN…….not difficult to see where DN gets her behaviour from.
Point out that it is only really for the sleeping arrangements as you’ll probably be going out during the day surely.
I can’t imagine any 11 year old wanting a 7 year old snooping through their stuff and sharing a bedroom tbh.

This is what I’d try too.

Hope you’re rested after travelling and you can all just enjoy the holiday now.

Does your dsis know about the diary? That is really awful of Dneice and ds is very entitled to not want to share with her for this alone. But of course 11 year olds may not want to share regardless. Just offer to swap apartments half way through the week or something so she can have grandma time too

Unless the other accommodation is an absolute dive I would swop . You and DS would then have the option to go back to your own place away from any drama .

I think in this situation, I’d probably share a room with my son, my sister with her daughter and my Mum with her own room if space allows. We love being together as a family and would try to make it work. I’d feel sad to have my sister & niece staying in another apartment and for a week, I’d rather be together and have the shared memories.

Can't your niece sleep in with Grandma? I can understand her feeling a bit left out and she's excited to see you all. I don't think it's reasonable to expect an 11 year old boy to share with a 7 year old girl, he's getting to an age where he wants his privacy.

What was the sleeping arrangement going to be in the small flat you were initially sharing with your sister? Surely that wasn’t a bedroom each?

Sounds like some compromise is needed all around. The kids both want to spend time with their Nan and that’s lovely so the adults need to help facilitate the best way for that to work.

What an awkward mess of a holiday arrangement. !

Your sister inadvertently isolated herself and her DD in trying to get you all together and suddenly realised she doesn’t want to be left out. Her DD naturally wants to stay with her GM for extra attention… and with her cousin for extra fun. So they changed the accommodation arrangements while you were spending all day getting there.

I think you really have to have it out with your sister that it isn’t appropriate for your DS and her DD to share a room. And that he was naturally upset about her reading his diary. She needs to understand that she did wrong and she should be helped to apologise properly.

You agreed to travel there on the basis that you each had your own rooms. Your sister, having suggested the original arrangement should stick to that original arrangement especially as she isn’t paying for it. It’s wrong of her to cause upset over it, especially if nobody else is in agreement.

Hopefully you can all go out for the day tomorrow, then maybe go back to your Airbnb to eat and then they go back to their own place.
Maybe your mum will offer her granddaughter a sleep over in her room one night. But that’s up to her to offer, not up to your sister or niece to impose it on her.

Hope you can sort it out without too much bad feeling OP. But you do have to stand up for your son’s right to his privacy.

Don't get into what DSis or her DD want, keep it to what your son wants, i.e his own space.

Sorted.

Why doesn’t your niece share with grandma? I can see why she wants to stay where grandma is too, wouldn’t say that’s spoiled behaviour.

Oh, good grief. No wonder he doesn't want to share - and he shouldn't.