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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to expect the original sleeping arrangements on a family holiday?

85 replies

PithyBeaker · 01/08/2026 23:09

Ok here’s the full story: DSis has a holiday house in south of France. Currently being renovated so she is renting an apartment for her and DN. Invited me and my DS to come stay there ages ago. Accepted. Then, she invited our mum too but no space in the flat so my mum planned to get a hotel. Then DSis said no, get a three bed air bnb instead so we all have somewhere to cook and hang out (nicer than the flat she is renting). She suggested I should stay there with my DS instead of crammed in with her and DN at the smaller flat per original plan. My mum was the one who told me it was already a done deal and she had booked a three bed air bnb for the three of us (me, DS and my mum) so we could each have our own room. I said great, ok. DS and I spent whole day on trains to get from midlands to south of France yesterday. Arrive hot sweaty and exhausted and it transpires that, because the air BnB is so nice, my DSis now wants to stay here instead and DN (who is rather spoiled) has decided she will sleep in same room as my DS. Even though they already have a separate apartment. DSis even said maybe she would share a room w me but I said er it’s a bit small and don’t you already have an apartment?? And she said ok I’ll hang out here and go back to sleep there. Anyway, DN gets on my son’s tits fairly quickly bc he is exhausted and also she doesn’t like to let him have any space or privacy (she read his diary which kicked off a scene…) Anyway, I (gently) suggested maybe we should stick w the separate apartment sleeping plan at least for tonight as we’re both really tired and maybe we could do a cousin sleep over tomorrow. Sis stormed out and sent me an angry message that her daughter’s feelings are hurt now. AIBU to think she should have managed her own child better and not forced me to have to say no to the sleepover? She was proposing to just leave DN here and go back to sleep at the other apartment alone. Help. I have lots of other stuff going on and can’t work out if I’m the one BU or not here.

OP posts:
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zebrazoop · 03/08/2026 05:10

Well done for sticking to your guns OP. Have a good holiday ☀️🌊🏖️

ShetlandishMum · 03/08/2026 02:50

Good it's resolved but next time it would be a no thank you to visit.

Redragtoabull · 03/08/2026 01:37

Absolutely no sharing with an 11 yo boy and a younger girl and I don't care whether they're close or not and that's from experience! Your sister is being an arsehole trying to dump her kid on you and your mum whilst she goes home alone. Whose waking up to him, breakfast etc. I would be not be the free childcare if I were you

MeridianB · 02/08/2026 21:22

Glad it’s been resolved but your ‘golden child’ sister needs to teach her DD about privacy - reading your son’s diary was awful so I hope she has apologised.

BeUmberMember · 02/08/2026 21:12

Of course you need the Air b and b , there are 3 of you and your sister already has her own rented apartment with rooms for herself and her daughter. It would be unfair to expect an 11 year old boy to share a room with a 7 year old girl unless she was his sister. I struggle to understand how your sister can allow her daughter to rule the roost on a family holiday. Am sure your mother will give plenty of undivided attention and everyone will benefit sleep wise from having their own space and rooms.

SusanJJ · 02/08/2026 21:09

PithyBeaker · 01/08/2026 23:21

Although it was never the plan that they would stay together! The problem is just that my DN can’t stand to see someone else have something that might be better than what she has. I love her very much but she can be quite spoiled

Edited

Do you really love her very much? I wouldn't!

Pushingback · 02/08/2026 21:05

Evaka · 01/08/2026 23:11

Your sister is a wanker.

😂😂😂😂

JJMama · 02/08/2026 19:31

Your sister is a selfish person and shouldn’t get her own way.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 02/08/2026 16:15

Lovely update @PithyBeaker, glad you got it sorted out. You and your son deserve a lovely relaxing holiday.

PithyBeaker · 02/08/2026 16:08

Sirzy · 02/08/2026 11:57

I’m not saying anyone should have to share. But everyone will have had travel costs too - they need to sit down and discuss the best plan like adults really. Be that splitting time between both accommodations all sharing with their child in one or one party staying elsewhere.

if they can’t act like adults then everyone will have a shit holiday!

Just to update that this all got squashed and resolved first thing this am. Everyone just a little hot and bothered last night but we are all good and happy on beach now. Sleeping arrangements per original plan 👍 thanks all

OP posts:
ginasevern · 02/08/2026 14:54

Given how spoilt the niece is and that she's so much younger than your son, I probably would've swerved the invite altogether. It was never going to be much of a holiday for your son was it.

Vaxtable · 02/08/2026 12:04

I would tell Dsis you are not moving out and DS and you will not be sharing with anyone as you both need your own space

suggest DN sleeps with your mother if she wants to stay and your dais can go home or sleep on the sofa

Whaleandsnail6 · 02/08/2026 12:01

I wouldn't expect an 11 year old to share with a 7 year old if they didn't want to and don't have to

I would just say to sister that she and her daughter can stay with mum and me and ds will take the flat. That way you have your own space and can come and go as you please

Just put the options to her as:

She and niece stay in flat
Or
You and ds stay in flat

No other option

Maybe, if later in the holiday, both kids want, they could have a sleepover in the living room of one of the accommodations but she is totally unreasonable to just spring it on your son with no choice

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 02/08/2026 11:59

Get your mum to deal with this and reinstate the original plan.
If she wont - You stay in the apartment and make ypur own plans for the week.

Let her monopolise your mum and meet up when it suit..maybe take your mum out for a day as a "thank you for the accommodation" 🫠

Endure the week.

Never do this kind of holiday again

Sirzy · 02/08/2026 11:57

HelenaWilson · 02/08/2026 11:48

The way I read it is the OP is the only adult who hasn’t paid towards any of the available accommodation?

OP has spent money on travel on the understanding that she and ds will have a room each. Why should anyone have to share, when there are rooms for everyone? Why should grandma, who is paying for the accommodation, give up her privacy to share a room?

All this talk of sharing seems to be driven by a stroppy 7yo. If no-one can say no to her, best solution is for op and son to take the other apartment.

I’m not saying anyone should have to share. But everyone will have had travel costs too - they need to sit down and discuss the best plan like adults really. Be that splitting time between both accommodations all sharing with their child in one or one party staying elsewhere.

if they can’t act like adults then everyone will have a shit holiday!

HelenaWilson · 02/08/2026 11:48

The way I read it is the OP is the only adult who hasn’t paid towards any of the available accommodation?

OP has spent money on travel on the understanding that she and ds will have a room each. Why should anyone have to share, when there are rooms for everyone? Why should grandma, who is paying for the accommodation, give up her privacy to share a room?

All this talk of sharing seems to be driven by a stroppy 7yo. If no-one can say no to her, best solution is for op and son to take the other apartment.

Sometimesitsmyownfault · 02/08/2026 11:47

I would be furious - and probably leave.
After all you have been through this year, do they think you have ‘mug’ stamped on your head? Why do the significant others in your life either want to pile into your space or you have to become the de facto babysitter for other people’s kids? Either you have allowed this CFery for too long in your past or you are just too kind. Time to find your voice.

Sirzy · 02/08/2026 11:02

justasmalltownmum · 02/08/2026 10:36

No no no. She can stay in her apartment. Everyone else has spent money to be here.

The way I read it is the OP is the only adult who hasn’t paid towards any of the available accommodation?

justasmalltownmum · 02/08/2026 10:36

No no no. She can stay in her apartment. Everyone else has spent money to be here.

PinkyFlamingo · 02/08/2026 10:31

I couldn't be arsed with all this behaviour. You need to put your son first. Don't pander to your sister or your very entitled niece.

WhistPie · 02/08/2026 10:28

After all the other shit your son has had to put up with this year, this arrangement is the last thing he needs.

Be a good mother and look out for him.

SconehengeRevenge · 02/08/2026 10:26

She read his diary?????

That is such a violation!

Mix56 · 02/08/2026 09:57

I’m sorry Pithy, you di not need this !
I think I would say to DSis & Mum, we’ve had a long slog to get here. DS & I are tired & need to wind down, generally our life has been chaotic & DS needs to be allowed his own space, he is not 7 years old.
I font mind where we go, I just want a stressfree family holiday.

musicandmen · 02/08/2026 09:55

PithyBeaker · 01/08/2026 23:17

Apparently bc DN wants to be w DGM (my mum).l and is jealous if my DS has her all to himself

So she can share a room with her grandmother then! See how that goes down. I don’t think your 11 year old should be made to share with a his cousin especially a female one. 11 is an awkward age for boys and he should have privacy

Wishihadanalgorithm · 02/08/2026 09:54

Fuck it.

You should just have the original set up. Brice sounds like a complete PITA as does your sister.

If your mum doesn’t go along with you then, if finances allow, I’d find somewhere else empty and have a nice holiday with your Dson.

Your sister sounds painful and her child awful. I’d just avoid them.