AIBU to think my sister is overreacting about our drinking?

I can't really vote either way. It sounds like you are having a lot of units of alcohol which is not great for your health, even though it's not affecting your normal every day activity. I would advise most nights having a cup of tea instead of opening wine, or a lime and soda etc. I drink water and coffee mostly but sometimes I want something different in the evening, but it doesn't have to be alcohol.

Having friends over for dinner and wine disappearing a little enthusiastically is fine, but the next night I wouldn't be feeling like cracking open the wine again, personally. I'd be giving my liver a chance to recover. As an example this weekend we were away at the coast. I had three glasses of wine with food on Friday night. On Saturday I had one Aperol Spritz and one bottle of lager. Today - nothing, and I probably won't have a drink until the weekend. The Friday night consumption was more than usual, but even so that's only ten or so units in total for the week.

Do stuff together that doesn't involve drinking. DH and I go to the gym together twice a week, for example.

Just sounds like a boozy weekend to me. Is your sister always such a Debbie Downer?

My alcoholic husband could give up alcohol for a week, or even two (to prove he wasn’t an alcoholic (inside he was barely hanging in there, but he could do it). As you say, it’s a slippery slope. By the time I kicked him out, he was constantly drinking in waking hours and would even wake up during the night and have ‘a drink’ before going back to sleep. Thankfully, me chucking him out turned out to be his personal rock bottom. He went into rehab and aside from a brief lapse 3 years ago, he has been sober for 7 years 🙂

Jesus wept ..how much have you had ..

Well if you don’t curb your drinking, you’ll be making a hobby out of hospital stays and visits.

This 👆 Also, I have yet to meet anyone who likes to drink a lot, or every day to acknowledge to themselves how much they are really drinking. How large are the glasses your couple are in and does a couple really only mean 2 a day?

That’s it? That’s all the hobbies your got? An art club, cycling and golfing?

anyway none of her business really what you two do but is do bothered by it why not calculate your units per week against the guidance?
It sounds like you are both trying to hard to have it all!

From what you described you’re way over the guideline limits !
Add up how many units in a week and you’ll likely be really surprised.
half a bottle of wine is about 5 units of alcohol.
Your sister maybe came across as being judgmental but she is probably concerned

Based on your first post you’re in excess of 30+ per week.

That’s too much, no judgement but tone it down for your livers sake.

IMO you drink way too much for your age. You are, or soon will be, menopausal. Alcohol is then much worse for you. Cancer, liver issues etc. Just cut it down or quit.

It's not an over reaction, she is correct and her view is backed up by very well known medical advice. I am suprised at the reaction of many people here.

There is no safe amount, but 14 units a week is the advice, considered 'low risk'

They advise set limits have smaller drinks, lower alcohol drinks, don't use alcohol to rehydrate, drink water for every alcoholic drink.
Several alcohol free days are recommended each week.
Have soft drinks you like available at home.
Alcohol affects yout liver,heart brain and BP and increases risk of cancer of the breast,mouth,throat and oesophagus.

Your choice to decide whether you listen.

Did you read the posts?

Haven't read the full thread, just ops posts .
I'm with her sister on this, op and her husband drink too much and should cut down.

Yeah you both drink too much and I can see why your sister would comment on it.

FFS

"Quality" wine makes absolutely no difference!!
Alcohol is toxic no matter how cheap or expensive!

And you obviously haven't read all the OP'S posts. She gets pissed and maudlin.

Please, PLEASE watch Rain In My Heart on BBC Iplayer.

It sounds like a wonderful and blessed life! I think she is making inaccurate comparisons here. I’m a similar age and make an effort to have minimum 3 nights off alcohol but you said you like quality wine and I bet that makes a difference? Maybe try organic wine? Have your liver tested too? That might reassure you/motivate you to make some tweaks if needed.

Menopause does interesting things to how the body processes alcohol. Given the age of your kids I'm assuming you're at least 45. It's worth an experiment of not drinking at all for a week to see how you feel.

Drinking less alcohol can be an exercise/ fitness thing rather than a problem-with-alcohol thing. You have the money to explore the low and no alcohol ranges of wines etc - you might find something you like there.

For sex, you can seek psychosexual counselling either from the NHS or voluntary or private sector. It's worth looking at the info on 'chem sex' as the problems are pretty similar between alcohol and other drugs. You can look at ways of making sober sex feel connected. In the interim you could maybe restrict alcoholic to those occasions you're wanting sex.

If you calculate your alcohol units and it's a high number, that's ok. Abruptly stopping is risky if you're at 10 units or more per day, but you can slowly wean down so that you can give yourself alcohol free days. But it's just a number. You're entitled to take the risks you want to take and to risk assess in a different way to NHS staff.

You will have a local NHS drugs and alcohol service - worth making contact with them for advice.

Moving house could be unsettling to your younger child - losing his 'home' as he's travelling / going to uni. He may well want to move back in post uni. There's also a chance your eldest will want to move back too if his job doesn't work out. Downsizing makes sense but maybe not quite yet. Depending on how your sons lives develop you may still be hosting Christmas for some years to come as they are unlikely to have space. Obviously that's different if you're ill / disabled in ways that mean you need to move to a more suitable property soon.

What a sad read. I hope you’re ok OP. Please get some help

She may or may not have a point, but if it upset you then maybe just take a minute.

I have 2 alcoholic exes so I have a little experience to draw on here. Neither was an obvious alcoholic to the outside world, they were what you might call functioning alcoholics.

Neither of them drank at 8am, neither of them was an "unpleasant" drunk, if anything one was far more pleasant and fun! Neither missed work because of it nor hid alcohol.

The one thing they struggled with was to go without, but they were certain it was just "social" or to "relax" or help with stress or back pain. The list went on.

Addiction to alcohol was a slow and slippery slope for both of them and one "test" suggested to me was to politely and nicely suggest they not drink for one evening and see how they reacted and if they could do it.

Both got angry and defensive at the suggestion they might want to think about their consumption level or consider not drinking one or two nights a week.

Much as she might be annoying, it might also be a good moment to consider taking a break from alcohol, just to review things. Maybe get an outside opinion from a professional (not us schmucks on Mumsnet!) There's no harm, and you don't have to tell her! 😜

Addiction can creep up on you and as a nurse once told me, addicts always have a list of "logical reasons" as to why they're definitely not addicts!

Here's to your good health!

No idea if your drinking is out of control, but I’ve just listened to the John Robbins book called Thirst. It was very interesting and maybe worth a listen/read for anyone who drinks.
We aren’t really drinkers, no aversion to it but prefer a cup of tea lol.

And I know the difference between average age at mortality and life expectancy and there's no confusion. In this case where the point being made that longer life times of alcohol misuse lead to more disease associated with alcohol use, life expectancy was the correct metric to use. Life expectancy is a predictive model where as AAM is retrospective and is skewed by population age. We have an aging population that skews AAM.
Anyway, enough stats.
The fact is. If you drink at these levels for a prolonged period of your life, you increase the risk of all sorts of disease and illness. All the known ones and particularly Wet Brain syndrome/dementia being a real risk that is often not considered.

That sounds normal if you are doing stuff without drinking

That sounds normal if you are doing stuff without deinking

That sounds normal

Not sure if I'll go with you and your absolute certainty or WHO, the world experts in this area. They state 48. The median age which smooths out peaks on an average was 52 for males and 57 for females. But life expectancy as defined is what I said. So you are wrong. But it is skewed by high infant mortality for life expectancy, as defined.
So maybe consider this. Of all people who got to 10 years old (past the horrific infant mortality). How many then went on to get to 60?
1900 55 percent
2000 83 percent
Do those figures help with the point I was making.