AIBU to think my sister is overreacting about our drinking?

I really recommend this. Me and an ex did it and used the drinkaware app to log everything for a few weeks and my ex realised he was drinking way too much and a lot more than he realised. We're both quite healthy conscious so it changed a lot how we drink to this day.

My current partner is teetotal due to his mum being an alcoholic, and he freaks out if I have more than a glass of wine, so I understand feeling unnecessarily judged but honestly units can add up quickly. Now I drink hardly anything I find even one glass can make me feel a bit rubbish the next day.

You're a heavy drinker but not an alcoholic. If you want to you can try to have three alcohol free days a week that might be healthy.

You need to give your liver a break from alcohol a few days a week , it's not good for your health. It sounds increasingly like you are drinking to fill a void which is not healthy.
You need to find a more constructive way to fill the void, hobbies, volunteering, learning something, socialising that doesn't involve alcohol eg. Meeting a friend for a walk or coffee. A part time job.
My grandparents couldn't work out what to do with their retirement either and if you rang them after about 7pm they were always pissed, every day. It was sad and uncomfortable.

I am pointing out another negative effect of alcohol which the thread is about, for everyones benefit, there being a lot of discussion .
I havent waded through all 600 messages or analysed that, but am commenting about drinking to excess.
Yes the affects of alcohol excess can involve many systems in the body both male or female.

@ByJollyQuail

Yes.

Crikey, in less than 24 hours this went from delightful middle class life with art, good wine, good food, good friends, great husband, to lonely, miserable life with crazy insane husband who is rubbish in bed unless he's drunk. Either someone is practicing their creative writing skills or those issues were very much only just under the surface. If the first, more subtlety is required. If the latter, please seek some help - you are unlikely to be able to kick, or even reduce, the alcohol without dealing with those issues.

But in her case, her husband performs better so arousal and dryness aren’t a problem.

Interestingly 28 was the old limit for men and 21 for women.
I did some comms work for the Dept of Health and the precise figures had no scientific basis - they made them up because they needed some numbers and they sounded reasonable.
14/14 has come from more research and the requirement to equalise men and women. And there is evidence alluded to here that more than that, paced over the week puts your health at risk. It’s up to you whether the risk is worth it in terms of your QoL definitions.
In international terms we’re in the middle, with some outliers that say you shouldn’t drink at all because it’s harmful.
It was only in the 1960s that French kids stopped having wine with lunch at school!

Christ OP your posts last night set my teeth on edge. The typos, the denial, the rambling, the what harm am I doing, the defensiveness is I'm sorry to say, my alcoholic family member to a T. It all functioned ok when their children were teenagers, but now those children are in their 30s and 40s with families of their own and have a very dysfunctional relationship with their family member who's relationship with alcohol has gradually worsened to the point they have been hospitalised to dry out/broken bones/smashed up face/black eyes. They dont see some of their grandchildren and children, and have a VERY distant realtionship with the others.

Please OP take a good hard look at your drinking and reign it in a little. You sound unhappy during this life transition but the answer will not be found in a bottle.of wine. Please dont end up like my family, middle class professionals, lovely home and its all gone and theres no going back.

Not mine tks.
I have a fabulous time without drinking 7 nights a week.
How fucking boring that must be. Id hate it.

It's not really normal to feel the need to specify that no one is drinking at 10am prior to going cycling.

i used to drink most nights and would probably have the best part of two bottles of wine over a weekend. At the time i would never have thought i was drinking too much.
since starting HRT i barely drink at all- the odd red wine on a friday and it has made me very aware of how much alcohol dominated my social life and very conscious of how much others drink
if i have two medium red wines now i’ll feel drunk and i think it’s easy to let your tolerance creep up and lose sight of how much you are drinking

Not coming back OP?

Are you the OP?

Alcohol is very much parts retirement imo.We have been good all our lives and now we want to relax

Frigging hell you changed ya mind in about 10 seconds flat.
The last reply you said "I have a great husband who I love so much after 30+ years together" now he is "crazy insane" and "going through a midlife crisis"
Put the wine down and dry up. Good grief.

Amazing how many alcoholics don’t realise they’re alcoholics.

I think drinking can be problematic if chasing a buzz/oblivion as it will require more and more to get there, so people can gradually and invertedly create a situation where eventually their actual body becomes dependent on it and control is lost. The good news is control can be regained.

You can be dependent on alcohol without it ever being something that causes issues in the rest of your life. The layman’s term is a functional alcoholic but it’s not always a use description.

Personally I have people in my life that drink this much and I think it’s too much. It’s definitely something they’re dependent on and that makes me uncomfortable because I know how much they are damaging their health (read about the cancer/alcohol links and of course the effects it has on your liver) and I also know how easily it can tip into a more serious alcohol use disorder.

I think you’d do well to match your drinking to the recommended weekly amount (which I think is 14 units).

Studies have shown that longish breaks from alcohol are better for your liver than 1 day off a week, for example. So doing dry January and Octsober would be a good idea. And if you can’t go a month without booze then that might help you see your dependency on it. And the rest of the time, if you’re struggling to stick to 14 units, then perhaps it’ll be clear you might have an issue.

Billy Connolly famously said he had trouble drinking in moderation, and when he went teetotal he said he wanted to give it up while it was still his idea.

I'm a nurse, and it's surprising how many people are alcoholics that don't think they are because they're not drinking as soon as they wake up till they pass out. I've had patients that have 2-3 beers most evenings go into withdrawals. If you're drinking over the units majority of nights your body is fully aware and expecting that drink. You are drinking in excess, try and stick to the units or atleast give yourself a couple of days break in between

Ffs read all of OPs posts before commenting!

Then you need to take better care of yourself. Develop more interests without him that don’t involve drinking. If you are unhappy in your marriage (and it sounds like you are and are trying to bury that in booze), think about leaving. I got out of my previous marriage after 29 years. I was 49. I decided I’d rather be alone than look at him anymore 🤣 Turned out, I met the love of my life after that. We have been together 18 years now. Find yourself. Meet your own needs.

Worth noting that alcohol affects your sex drive, by increasing mental desire by relaxation but... reducing arousal, causing vaginal dryness and slower nerve responses...
It's a direct bladder irritant, so can cause cystitis

The original post sounded OK. But as it wore on it got sadder and sadder. A booze-fuelled meltdown in real time. I recognise it because a lot of it used to be like me; increasingly incoherent posting and angry self-justification, particularly at voices that are trying to be kind (of which there were many about last night). It took me years to pull free. I kept my job and outwardly successful social life. Very, very few people would ever have thought I had a "problem". But I did.

@ByJollyQuail - I really hope you are feeling OK today. If you want to, I really recommend The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (based on her blog "Mummy was a Secret Drinker"). It's funny, smart and non-preachy. A good read, even if you don't feel you've got a problem.

Best wishes to you. x

I know!
Plenty of people on here who are obviously in the same age group have said that the OP (if genuine) drinks too much, and lots have said they hardly/don't drink alcohol anymore, although lots of them probably did lots of 'partying' when young.