AIBU to think my sister is overreacting about our drinking?

we like good alcohol that’s all

What’s “good” alcohol?

I’m like your sister. I don’t really drink, but will have a glass of Prosecco at a wedding/party and maybe a cocktail at a nice restaurant every now and then. But I never drink in the house. Alcohol caused my endometriosis to flare up so I avoid it.

To me, your drinking does seem quite excessive. As long as you know what the health risks are and you don’t mind spending your money on it. Crack on.

Tomorrow, when you're sober, have another read through the thread @ByJollyQuail

You'll easily be able to see how drunk you got in a short space of time.

Then you need to work out a way to get help for yourself.

Well that was a lot of fluff in your opening post to explain why you drink so much!
None of it relevant either.

No, I don’t think your sister is overreacting.

From your updates, you sound really unhappy to me and are resorting to drinking to fill a void.
Could you reduce the days you drink to at least give your liver a break?
Or just reduce the volume / alternate drinks with non-alcoholic ones. There are some great no or low drinks available now.

There’s an app called DrinkAware which I used as I was worried about the habit we fell into around lockdown of opening a bottle of wine most nights. It was actually pretty illuminating / shocking how much I was drinking (if you drink a bottle of wine you’re pretty much at the entire week’s allowance for a woman already!) but I also found it showed me how easy it was to cut down; single rather than a double, G&T rather than a big glass of wine, pouring smaller glasses, having an alcohol free day, alternating with a soft drink etc. Now I have young children my consumption is minimal, but the main thing I’ve done is cut down on drinking habitually at home (which I’m sure I could justify doing!). So if you’re curious, maybe worth a try

It does sound a bit that you two can't function as a couple without being drunk.

What you think is judgement right now is not necessarily what you would think in the cold light of day when you are sober.
I get it you didn't think that you are a problem drinker until your sister pointed it out and came onto mumsnet expecting poster to back up your faulty perception of what is normal. Unfortunately what has happened is we have agreed with your sister and atleast in my case have noticed that you sound depressed which must be a shock to you. Continuing to drink and post on this thread tonight is not a good idea. Honestly get a cuppa and get some sleep and reread this thread tomorrow when you're sober

She's not having fun, she's lonely and sad.

Your lifestyle sounds a lot of fun, although you're probably well over the weekly recommend limit, so probably not so good for you mentally or physically over the long term. I'm sorry you're struggling with the children growing up and leaving home. It's tough but does get easier with time. I found alcohol made me feel ten times worse when I was already slightly down. Perhaps you could try cutting down or having a break from it and see how you feel. I was curious to see how I'd feel having a short break from alcohol and that was over two years ago. I've never felt better and more in control of my life.

I have read this whole thread from the beginning, and what started as a couple in their 50s apparently being happy, socialising and having a good life has really turned into something really, really sad to read.

@ByJollyQuail this is not just about alcohol anymore, is it?

Enough with the judgment. And enough with this thread. How about you just go to bed now, and in the morning call you sister, go for a coffee or lunch with her, and have a longer talk? Tell her that her comments have made you reflect, and that you would like to listen to what she has to say, and talk about some issues in your life. Start there. Start small.

There is a lot to unpack in what you've written. And it sounds like alcohol is just the pain killer allowing you to keep a semblance of a bearable life. But life does not have to be like this. Believe me. It can get better. It will never be perfect, but it can get better.

You can do this ❤

I agree with that.

The important thing, op, is to be healthy. Eat nutritious food, have some exercise and keep your blood pressure normal.

We're at a similar life stage @ByJollyQuail , early 50's, with one child at university and the other (17) has one more year of school then hopes to go to university. Both of them arrange their own schedules and drive, so we have ample time to socialize and can go to Happy Hour on a whim. It's a lovely time!

Drinking every night isn't healthy though, even just a glass of wine. The units quickly add up and from what I've read, our bodies need several alcohol-free days a week. In your shoes, I'd cut out the wine with dinner when it's just the two of you or have it once a week as a treat on Friday or Saturday nights. Substitute with something like sparkling water or a cordial if you want something that tastes abit special.

Start thinking of alcohol as a treat, like a rich dessert, something that you wouldn't consume every day IYSWIM.

Booze is harmful as ciggies when consumed in high volume, just affects different parts of the body. Sorry to say it does sound like you're drinking most days and 3 glasses of wine is coming up to drinking a bottle a day.

I don't think your sister is unreasonable to be concerned if it comes from a place of love. Perhaps count how much you have per week and perhaps stick to socialising instead of drinking at home with dinner? Then you still have fun. If you find you can't or don't want to stop drinking every day then you may have a problem, not drinking in the morning has little to do with it.

You're misinterpreting advice as judgement.

Why on earth are you still taking them, then?

Clearly you’ve had quite a few tonight judging by the random words and spelling errors, lack of punctuation etc.
You’re only in your 50s. What are you going to do for the next 20 to 30 years? That’s a hell of a long time to be retired. Why not do something useful like volunteering (seeing as you’re so flush)? Contribute back to society and put some purpose back into your life, which currently seems hedonistic and vacuous.

I rarely drink alcohol and when I spend time with people who do drink regularly, I’m always surprised at how much they drink!
if you’re drinking alcohol every day, that is concerning.

It's not great, is it? Take pp advice. Have a hot drink and go to bed.
Read through the advice on here in the morning and start to act on it.

You sound very sad, lonely and emotional. Get to the root cause of what’s causing you to be upset and ultimately drink.
As it unfolds it sounds like your life isn’t as great as your initial post implies. You definitely seem as though you’re drunk now, maybe time to log off OP.

YABU. Alcohol is quite obviously a fairly potent toxin and, although everyone drinks it in different contexts (the context being half a bottle of wine of an evening for wealthy, middle class folks like you), the truth is any amount is too much. Call me a conspiracy theorist: the tax revenue the government hauls in from alcoholic beverage industry is the only thing standing between the electorate and a morally correct alcohol policy.

In the meantime you (and I, for what it’s worth) and countless others are making the wrong choice by choosing to drink this poison. The science doesn’t lie.

There are online quizzes you take if you think you might be an alcoholic. But it sounds to me that you’re not. You don’t black out, you don’t get abusive or weepy, your day to day functioning isn’t impaired. You just seem to have a more relaxed, continental lifestyle than your sister.

I’m with your sister, I’d be worried too. Sounds like deep down you may already know it’s a problem, hope you’re okay OP.

@ByJollyQuail by your own admission your drunk and your mood is low may I suggest that you leave this thread now and come back to it tomorrow and reread what you've posted and what the posters who are trying to offer you advice are saying