AIBU to think my sister is overreacting about our drinking?

over 3 days you had
6.6 units the first night (250ml is 3.3)
10.1 the second night
6.6 units

so over 3 days you had 23.3 units
14 units is advised for a woman per week

in theory you're at least having double your recommended units per week, and sometimes more

I can understand why your sister is concerned, she loves you and doesn't want you to become ill.

no amount of exercising will out do, over drinking alcohol

try not drinking 4 nights a week and if you can do it then that might help tell you whether you have a drink problem and are reliant on alcohol. Doesn't have to be consecutive nights

@Notquitethetruth good summary

Please seek help, your sister sounds genuinely concerned, and rightly so. No judgement from me, but it sounds like life is unraveling for you, and you are self medicating with alcohol. It will catch up with you all too soon, in terms of health relationships, and self esteem.

@ByJollyQuail I felt sadness reading your posts on this thread. It's not just the alcohol is it? Alcohol seems to be the 'go to' temporary fix to mask other issues in your life. Your relationship with your husband needs addressing. On the surface you have a great social life, good circle of friends and are going out regularly.
You're lonely, something which becomes clearer the more you posted. Your life seems to revolve around your selfish husband, his need to regularly socialise be it in the pub, with friends or cycling. Your description of your sex life tells its own tale. He barely looks at you when he's sober and only really engages when he is drunk. Inconsiderate and selfish behaviour.
Reality is starting to surface now that your children are moving away. You can now see your future with someone who puts their own needs ahead of yours. You are not the priority you thought you were.
Get some counselling and start to deal with the real problems in your life. Try to stop using alcohol as a mask and a crutch. Good luck.

It also causes sclerosis of the liver. I remember my friends mother who used to have a drink after work (and sometimes 2, but mostly 1) developing it in her late 50s. Was quite a surprise to us as she was in no way an alcoholic.

Agree! I think people need to read all OPs posts together! (Including her, when shes sobered up!)

Your sister is a very perceptive woman. It’s not really about the drinking, it’s the fact you are very sad and lonely, and drinking to escape that. I’m sorry.

Christ what have I just read.

OP clearly has an issue with drink & doesn’t want to face up to it.

How would you feel if you were asked to stop drinking? If youd find it easy then no problem, but if you would hate the idea maybe there is something to think about .

If you are drinking half a bottle of wine each a night, then you drinking approx 35 units a week. This is double the recommended allowance for men and 2.5 what women should be having. It does not make you alcoholics if you have none of the symptoms of loss of control, withdrawal (ie dependency), BUT it is unhealthy and can tip into alcoholism later.

For context I drink pretty similarly but have become aware that I AM using [misusing] alcohol on a psychological level - a relaxant, as a socially acceptable habit when cooking etc - and decided recently to start by having a minimum of two nights a week without alcohol and to reduce my intake on at least two o th other nights. For example I have one G&T/DH has two bottles of beer instead of opening the wine. And the body doesn’t care if it is ‘good’ wine… it responds to alcohol as the chemical it is, to wine by the ABV percentage. It doesn’t care that it’s from a better vineyard in France and cost £16 - that’s a little narrative we give ourselves to justify what we know… that we should be drinking a little less.

There are websites which will confirm but alcoholism or AUD is broadly defined as the inability to drink responsibly, or drinking as a coping mechanism, etc. and where this interferes with relationships, job, other responsibilities, health and so on.

“What are retired folks supposed to do rather than enjoy life. We like nice things, we like going out and being social, we have a good group of friends who like being social so what’s the big deal.”

honestly! You sound like boomers

You’re my age but your life sounds like my parents who are genuinely retired and in their 70s

are you going to spend the next 30-40 years living like this?

What is the difference then? “Alcoholism” as a term is considered outdated. Alcohol use disorder is more appropriately used these days. Someone doesn’t need to be the stereotypical alcoholic pouring vodka on corn flakes to have disordered drinking

Other people being slobs and eating pizza does not make your alcohol any less carcinogenic though.

Another person who somehow thinks their magically not alcoholic because you drink fancy wine 😂😂😂 you'd get called one if it was the same amount of cheap beer but somehow it's ok because it's expensive it makes no difference

@ByJollyQuail i hope you don’t feel too awful this morning.

I too like wine and whisky, but I stopped drinking in the week a few years ago. It’s just not a permissible option any more, because my drinking had crept up (lockdown started it!) and I knew it wasn’t good for me. Now DH and I are alcohol free Monday through Thursday and sometimes Sundays as well. Actually weekends can also be alcohol free, but they’re usually not unless I’m driving.
Anyway, wine has gone back to being a treat rather than a normal thing, which means I appreciate it more when I do have it.

There is a friendly and supportive thread over in alcohol support, about moderating. I would recommend you head over and see if the lovely women there can offer you anything.

Thank goodness we, and all our friends, are able to thoroughly enjoy ourselves without drinking alcohol.
I actually know very few people who drink regularly.

This, it struck me that she was providing herself with a character reference to prove she was a good person and not a 'dirty alcoholic'. If you feel the need to drink daily and can't not do so, you have a drinking problem. It doesn't matter if it's two glasses or two bottles, if you can't not have those glasses of wine you're dependant on alcohol.

Wow this escalated, I actually started off with you op. And felt your sister was too quick to judge, and predicted the usual mumsnet hysteria over alcohol,

then it became you were alone and getting very drunk. And that’s really not cool. So maybe your sister has a point and it’s not as moderate as your initial post made out,

I think enjoying life and socialising with a few drinks is fine when retired, you may as well enjoy yourself, but make sure you also have alcohol free nights. Moderation is key,

but your posts appeared to get drunker and drunker and sadder and sadder, and that’s something to consider, it would appear when you positioned your initial post you downplayed it, but you both drink a lot more, or at least you do, than you initially admitted,

if you were off your face and alone last night, then that’s really concerning, and you need to try to cut back, moderate, have some alcohol free nights.

Mate, you were drunkenly posting gibberish online after spending the evening getting pissed on your own. I think you’ve answered your own question.

Light, moderate, heavy, social drinking etc is not the same as alcoholism.

There is a difference between all of these things.

People who don't drink, or drink in the same way, often offer incorrect judgement regarding the definition of alcoholism.

Enjoy your drinks.

I’m assuming you didn’t read past the first post.

I wouldnt want to stay overnight with you, drinking every night would put me off. Your in denial.